I tried now I give up

[Guyonthelake]

I have tried to build friendship and relationships. I think it's pretty obvious at this point I'm just meant to be a lonely man. I give up!!

 

[Tiina63]

Please don't give up. I often think of giving up on relationships too, so I can understand where you are coming from, but the loneliness would be too overwhelming. It can be so hard to meet people who you 'fit' with, and the seacrh can be exhausting and dispiriting, but when the alternative is to live in emptiness, it is surely bettert to keep on hoping and trying?

 

[Guyonthelake]

I have tried for years. It never changes I go home alone. It's like I'm watching a game but I can't play.

 

[Foxo]

I like the analogy of watching a game but being unable to play. It reminds me of a time when my parents would have friends over to play Euker. I always wanted to play, but they never let me because I didn't know how. As a result I started watching them, until I learned how to play the game. Eventually I convinced them to let me play, and I lead my team-mate (being my dad) and I to victory. Suffice to say they were extremely shocked at how well I played at 12 years old.

I do the same thing when looking at social life. Read a book at Starbucks, and watch how people play the "game". Decide based on individual reactions what is considered winning and losing. If a young guy makes the barista give a genuine laugh, take note of what he said and how he said it. If he does the opposite and creates an awkward silence, take note of that as well. You may not think it helps, but it really does after a while. I still feel extremely awkward in social situations, but because of all the observation I've done I know how to interact with others on a level that makes me seem confident, and which in turn makes me feel confident.

 

[Tiina63]

Foxo, I really think that your advice is good about observation and I will follow it myself. My counsellor once suggested it to me, but I didn't follow through. Now, though, as it is clearly working for you, I will try it out. I hope this helps guyonthelake as well.

 

[DesertWolf]

I'm just meant to be a lonely man!!

I have tried for years. It never changes I go home alone. It's like I'm watching a game but I can't play.

No one is "meant" to be or destined to be anything. Just because you think you haven't had success in building friendships/relationships so far, you conclude that you never will, but is this really rational? Perhaps you just haven't found a person you can properly connect with... Perhaps you have some social anxiety issues to overcome... Maybe you just haven't figured out how to learn to "play the game" yet... But this doesn't mean it's impossible for you to succeed.

What do you think are some barriers to you building successful friendships/relationships?

 

[Anonymous Rex]

What I'd recommend is that if you feel like getting to where you want to be socially seems too much right now, aim a bit lower for a while.

Rather than beating yourself up for not having the courage to approach that cute girl, aim for making a joke or telling a story in a social situation you feel a bit uncomfortable with, accept it when you do so imperfectly rather than beat yourself up, and gradually build up your confidence bit by bit.

I don't find social situations easy by any means, but I've found that just aiming to tell a story with a group I don't know that well, or making jokes about myself with friends, I'm able to gradually push out my comfort zones.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Hey guy, we had a chat ages ago and you're a cool person

I'd say don't pressure yourself so much to get friends or anything else. It's that self-pressure that really cranks up the emotional hurt of feeling lonely I think.

If you're just yourself for a sufficient period of time, I'm sure you'll gain friends. You've made an admirable start and change in your life and I'm glad to see you're thinking much more positively in general ^^

So just keep chatting and trying to be social whenever you can and I'm sure that eventually you'll have people in your life around you that will make you happy.

I also find it's very easy to beat yourself up and feel like a social failure when other people view you positively. Think like this: everyone on here that has socialised with you likes you, why would the real world be any different?

Hope things are okay for you at the moment.

 

[Drama]

well then all the efforts you did are ruined now. One shouldnt give up. Maybe you are going to walk by your friendships and relationships without even knowing. Keep trying, at least you will feel like you do something instead of nothing.

 

[Unwanted94]

ha I can't blame you. I gave up myself a long time ago. I used to actually try to make friends, but it never worked out. Even if I did actually make a new friend, it would never last. They'd always end up leaving me. So yeah, I gave up on trying. I moved on.

 

[Equinox]

I have tried for years. It never changes I go home alone. It's like I'm watching a game but I can't play.

I know this feeling, and this life. It's so very, very frustrating. I've given up, too. As long as BioWare keep making games, I don't need relationships anyway.

 

[conniepei]

Come on,Don't give up,more smile,i think you can get what you want.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

Come on,Don't give up,more smile,i think you can get what you want.

Smiling when every fiber of your being tells you not to is pointless.

That being said, everyday is a new day to try and make things right.