I truly wish I would die

[Guyonthelake]

I am a registered nurse and see people lose their loved ones frequently. I often wonder why a lonely 49yo man like myself keeps living when these folks loved ones suffer so much. I truly believe I'll die an old man alone. Why them and not me? Where is the justice in that? Do you know what it's like to be jealous of the dead?

 

[IambicBlonde]

The way I see it is that being lonely and feeling any despair that comes with it is still better than the nothingness of death. Which is why I never understood suicide; except in extreme cases, but even then. Besides, you dying won't bring anyone back. The world is better having you in it to care for these people. I feel for you though. But you never know what tomorrow brings. Keep enduring.

And no, I've never envied the dead.

 

[LoneKiller]

Well, Guyonthelake. Sadly, that's a question that no human could possibly answer.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I often think if I really got to the point where I wanted to end my life I would empty my bank account and just start walking from town to town through the countryside country to country until I felt there was a new life for me and something worth living for. If I didn't find it and still wanted to end my life it would always be a last option but tbh there is always something new to see.

Where is the justice in them having lived a life full of love and loved ones and you being lonely? Everyone's time will come, we can only hope for a life well lived. If you truely have no ties perhaps a change, away from a job living with death and grieving will give you that opportunity. If you would really rather swap places with the dead it sounds as you have nothing to lose so why not take a look around this vast planet and discover whats out there for you?

Theres always a better option waiting for you, never give up.

 

[HC22]

You're very sensitive, that's impressive, really, but that's also one of the many reasons you should stay here, ....actually I think the world needs people like you,
it's very hard to find people like this these days ... so you won't stay lonely for the rest of your life, someone will surely appreaciate it, you just have to meet that someone.

Losing a loved one prematurely is a pain that can't be explained in words, it's terrible and I truly wish 'll never have to see that happen in my life, but ... if you look at the birghtside of this situation; While for the ones that remain it's an agony, the dead ones are not suffering anymore and if they have lived a righteous life will be in a place much better than the one we are living in right now.

I would never be able to be a nurse, I can't witness these kind of happenings without feeling terrible sadness, and despair ... it's a very very tough job, I respect the ones who are doing it despite this just for the sake of helping others.

Be strong, losing your life won't do any good to them nor to you ... keep living and live well instead so that when your time will come you too will go to a better place.
There's a time for everyone, it's just not right to anticipate it, until the very last second we should live the best we could and try to take the best out of what we have given, it's hard, I know it's hard but I think we should at least try to do it or live with this kind of mentality anyway.

I wish the best to you and these people, I wish the best to everyone.


* virtual hug *

 

[Darkness]

I am a registered nurse and see people lose their loved ones frequently. I often wonder why a lonely 49yo man like myself keeps living when these folks loved ones suffer so much. I truly believe I'll die an old man alone. Why them and not me? Where is the justice in that? Do you know what it's like to be jealous of the dead?

I feel the same way!

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am a registered nurse and see people lose their loved ones frequently. I often wonder why a lonely 49yo man like myself keeps living when these folks loved ones suffer so much. I truly believe I'll die an old man alone. Why them and not me? Where is the justice in that? Do you know what it's like to be jealous of the dead?

I don't know what to say.

Life is not about justice.

Life is neutral.

There is no fairness and no inequality in life itself.

it just happens.

 

[Ak5]

You're lucky to be alive. Honestly, we got to be thankful for being alive, every dawn is a new day for us.

 

[MadMonkè]

you envy the dead because they get attention?

---

me too...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I am a registered nurse and see people lose their loved ones frequently. I often wonder why a lonely 49yo man like myself keeps living when these folks loved ones suffer so much. I truly believe I'll die an old man alone. Why them and not me? Where is the justice in that? Do you know what it's like to be jealous of the dead?

As SophiaGrace says, there is really no concept of "justice" inherent in life. Life is what it is.

Don't compare yourself to the sick, the injured and the elderly, you need to get out there and get a dose of the good things in life too!

Have you ever stopped to consider the good you do? Perhaps a lonely 49 year old man like you continues to exist to help others.

You're a good person - and no different in that regard to happy, fulfilled good people out there. There's nothing to stop you being happy! If you've had poor luck and bad experiences so far, you need to shake that off.

If anything, be grateful you have everything that those in your care do not - a body that works, for starts, is the most important thing a person can have.

I hope you perk up Guy, you have lots of potential, I think you just over-think things sometimes

(If you ever want a chat, feel free to give me a shout. Any time.)

 

[somber_radiance]

Do you know what it's like to be jealous of the dead?

I used to be jealous of those who where "strong" even to attempt suicide. But I think you are still here because your purpose in life is not complete yet. That's what I just keep telling myself. I think we are all here for a reason...whether it is a duty to society, some unseen deity, or to yourself.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You need to remember that there are good things in life, too. There is beauty there.