Ideal state

[hsp]

I think I'm still a bit unsure what my ideal situation would be in terms of my relationships..

I know I feel awkward and different because of my lack of personal/social life in contrast to other people. I know I also occasionally feel down/bored/mildly depressed because of how little opportunity I have to experience new things, and get excited about upcoming events.

That being said, if I completely honest with myself, I can't picture my life any other way, and more importantly I can't sincerely convince myself that having more people in my life would improve my life, even if I was very compatible with those people.. I may be wrong.. Just how I feel..

I wonder if there are some people (like me), who are just wired to be happiest when they get to spend a large chunk of their time alone..

I say this as I see myself as a relatively 'normal' person in every other aspect of my life. I grew up in a stable family, didn't get bullied at school, got moderately good grades, have a decent job, etc etc.. I just don't do close friendships/relationships..Anyone else get where I'm coming from?

 

[Goblin]

Can't say I feel the same, but if you feel that more time with people wouldn't make you feel better than maybe that isn't what's missing? Just a thought. If you have anxiety, it could be the isolation or the lack of ability to act freely and without hesitation.

 

[Ray McCloud]

Yeah, I can partially picture what you are saying, but my question is:
Do you feel good like that?

It may sound like a rhetorical question, but I mean, do you enjoy being alone?

 

[hsp]

Can't say I feel the same, but if you feel that more time with people wouldn't make you feel better than maybe that isn't what's missing? Just a thought. If you have anxiety, it could be the isolation or the lack of ability to act freely and without hesitation.

You may be right...

Yeah, I can partially picture what you are saying, but my question is:
Do you feel good like that?

It may sound like a rhetorical question, but I mean, do you enjoy being alone?

Hard question to answer.. There are many bits of being alone I enjoy.. Whether it is reading a book, watching a show I really enjoy, or travelling somewhere alone, I often do enjoy these things. When I don't enjoy doing one of the above things, I very rarely think, this would be better if I had someone else here to enjoy this.

That being said, I not going pretend I have all the answers.. Maybe there is a way I could enjoy social situations/relationships more and I am yet to experience it.

 

[Groucho]

This will seem like a strange post, I want to write a reply, but I don't know what to write.

 

[OnlyMe]

I wonder if there are some people (like me), who are just wired to be happiest when they get to spend a large chunk of their time alone..

I'm definitely not happy that I spend almost all of my spare time alone (my main 'social' interactions come from my full time job)

I'm not sure if I am wired that way, but over the years I have certainly become conditioned to being alone.

In the last 12 months I have certainly become more accepting of it.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

My ideal state is one of being happy and feeling like I'm spending my life in the best way possible.

If I knew of a way to achieve that without anyone in my life, I would do that. Problem is, I start feeling really lonely after a while and want someone to talk to and spend time with.

 

[LadyDaria]

I wonder if there are some people (like me), who are just wired to be happiest when they get to spend a large chunk of their time alone.. I say this as I see myself as a relatively 'normal' person in every other aspect of my life. I grew up in a stable family, didn't get bullied at school, got moderately good grades, have a decent job, etc etc.. I just don't do close friendships/relationships..Anyone else get where I'm coming from?

Me. So I am thinking you are an HSP? Highly Sensitive Person? But also there is something called Schizoid Personality Disorder that has a bit of this as well. I mean Schizoid sounds bad but basically it just means you avoid people and don't feel bad about it.

Personally, I feel I am this way. It is possible that it was due to trust issues. I was ill as a child and often felt people hanging out with me out of pity. So I always wanted to be free of that. But I feel that I should have changed by now if it wasn't a trait that I can't really change.

I recently got dinged in a work review where the reviewer said that people felt I was unapprochable. I feel that is probably his view. But he is kind of right. I can't really hide the fact that all things considered I would prefer NOT to talk to them. I really thought they didn't notice but...

But it kind of came as a shock because most of the time ONCE I have to talk to them, I can really belt out the extroverted gab fest. But even they get confused when they want then to go out for drinks and I decline. As if it is some reflection on them. But I just want to go home. To them it is as if I am rejecting them trying to take the relationship to another level, and I am, but it isn't a personal thing... I just want to go home.

 

[Grackle]

I'm a home body as well. I like being home, I love my cats, I like doing my own thing in my own space.