Why have I been and why am I lonely? I suppose there are many reasons. I'm shy, I'm an introvert, so many things, however the main reason, maybe the only reason is it's me not them! I do things and say things that people don't like, therefore they don't want to be around me. I don't think I say mean or rude things. I don't gossip. I'm just weird I guess. When you have gone through life and the only two friends you can say you have is your wife and your dad, this says something loud and clear. I'm thankful for them and I know many in this forum might say I shouldn't feel lonely but I do. In the mist of a conflict my wife even said, "You are a freak, you know nothing about relationships, you have no one!" She probably was mad and emotional and I know she would like me to be more social but what she said hurt but what she said was correct. I can remember in preschool and I was in the sandbox with the girls and the teachers. Then a couple of boys dumped a pale of sand on my head! I remember who I thought was my best friend in my neighborhood taking a toy and smashing it against a rock. I remember in first grade when I was picked on by a group of girls and one day they got me in trouble because they wrote all over my desk. I can go on but I won't. I decided early on that I wanted to become a great athlete. I will prove to everyone that I am somebody. I played hours of basketball by myself, a great sport for a lonely guy. I became the best player on my team in middle school. I was known around the city! I was the MVP on my football team as well, a team that won the city championship. Yet I was friendless! Then in high school I was one of the best athletes in my school, a division one school. I received a division one scholarship to play linebacker in college I spent my high school career in the weight room. I was nicknamed, "chief". I didn't realize that I was named after a character in, One Flew Over the Coockoo's Nest. Never went to a party, never went to a dance, never had a girlfriend, never having a friend in high school. I remember on a cold Saturday morning I was going to participate in a service project to meet volunteer hours that I needed to graduate. I was in my high school's parking lot and there were many cars being driven by my classmates. We were going to car pool. I sat in the parking lot alone, waiting. I was alone, I had no friends who would give me a ride. The teacher put me in a car. I was tall, muscular, athletic and got good grades. I had no friends. I tried, or I thought I tried, yet still lonely. This pattern continues, I'm 41 and have never had a friend before. I do think people respect me because of my discipline, commitment and hard work, things that you can control. My wife, the person who said I was a freak and I have non one, is the closest thing I can call a friend. She loves me but I feel I'm a big disappointment. I think she thinks that I fooled her, she didn't know who she was marrying. I wish I could talk to somebody, I have no friends. I'm functional and happy sometimes but it's hard. It's just hard. I have no one, never had anyone. I will try again and I'm still hopeful yet less so because when there are so many people that have rejected me, I realize it's not them, it's me.