Why have I been and why am I lonely? I suppose there are many reasons. I'm shy, I'm an introvert, so many things, however the main reason, maybe the only reason is it's me not them! I do things and say things that people don't like, therefore they don't want to be around me. I don't think I say mean or rude things. I don't gossip. I'm just weird I guess. When you have gone through life and the only two friends you can say you have is your wife and your dad, this says something loud and clear. I'm thankful for them and I know many in this forum might say I shouldn't feel lonely but I do. In the mist of a conflict my wife even said, "You are a freak, you know nothing about relationships, you have no one!" She probably was mad and emotional and I know she would like me to be more social but what she said hurt but what she said was correct. I can remember in preschool and I was in the sandbox with the girls and the teachers. Then a couple of boys dumped a pale of sand on my head! I remember who I thought was my best friend in my neighborhood taking a toy and smashing it against a rock. I remember in first grade when I was picked on by a group of girls and one day they got me in trouble because they wrote all over my desk. I can go on but I won't. I decided early on that I wanted to become a great athlete. I will prove to everyone that I am somebody. I played hours of basketball by myself, a great sport for a lonely guy. I became the best player on my team in middle school. I was known around the city! I was the MVP on my football team as well, a team that won the city championship. Yet I was friendless! Then in high school I was one of the best athletes in my school, a division one school. I received a division one scholarship to play linebacker in college I spent my high school career in the weight room. I was nicknamed, "chief". I didn't realize that I was named after a character in, One Flew Over the Coockoo's Nest. Never went to a party, never went to a dance, never had a girlfriend, never having a friend in high school. I remember on a cold Saturday morning I was going to participate in a service project to meet volunteer hours that I needed to graduate. I was in my high school's parking lot and there were many cars being driven by my classmates. We were going to car pool. I sat in the parking lot alone, waiting. I was alone, I had no friends who would give me a ride. The teacher put me in a car. I was tall, muscular, athletic and got good grades. I had no friends. I tried, or I thought I tried, yet still lonely. This pattern continues, I'm 41 and have never had a friend before. I do think people respect me because of my discipline, commitment and hard work, things that you can control. My wife, the person who said I was a freak and I have non one, is the closest thing I can call a friend. She loves me but I feel I'm a big disappointment. I think she thinks that I fooled her, she didn't know who she was marrying. I wish I could talk to somebody, I have no friends. I'm functional and happy sometimes but it's hard. It's just hard. I have no one, never had anyone. I will try again and I'm still hopeful yet less so because when there are so many people that have rejected me, I realize it's not them, it's me.
I'm a Freak!
- Thread starter ihabl
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
It doesn't matter if you have a wife, if you have kids, if you have a big family or if you have friends. ANYONE can be lonely, ANYONE can feel that weight on their shoulders.
Don't beat yourself up so much about stuff. Stop getting so down on yourself and tell us how you plan to change it. What do you propose to do about it? If your wife is calling you a freak and all this and all that, that's verbal abuse and it can do tremendous damage to your emotional state, which will make doing anything about it even harder.
So, let's hear a plan, let's set some goals, let's find a purpose.
Don't beat yourself up so much about stuff. Stop getting so down on yourself and tell us how you plan to change it. What do you propose to do about it? If your wife is calling you a freak and all this and all that, that's verbal abuse and it can do tremendous damage to your emotional state, which will make doing anything about it even harder.
So, let's hear a plan, let's set some goals, let's find a purpose.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Xpendable said:
What's your point? That doesn't mean one is worse than the other.
TheRealCallie said:
Thanks for your post. When my wife said these things, she was angry at me and she normally doesn't say these type of things. She really tries to be supportive even though she is not the listening type. The problem is with me, not her. What she did say really hurt deeply because it's what I've always felt about myself. Okay, plan of action. Well, I wish I could say to stop thinking about the things I wrote about. I read books and exercise regularly, yet I still struggle with obsessing about my past and comparing it with others. I am pretty good at controlling what I do and don't do. I don't sleep in, I don't eat junk food and I never miss a workout. Those are things I can control, however my thought life I can't. I've read a book about meditation, perhaps this is something I can try more of and trying to make friends and be a better friend to those I know. I've always been a hard worker in school, work and sports yet I'm lazy when it comes to developing friendships. I'm lazy and I seem to lack the skills. I will try again, I will. Any thoughts?
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
ihabl said:
The problem is with HER too because she says those things and they hurt you. It doesn't matter how many times she says it, it's still verbal abuse.
But okay okay, enough talk about that (sorry, it's a sore spot for me)
Have you talked with her about it? Maybe talk to her about finding ways to get better at things. Maybe she can think of something that might help you. Do you guys have date nights? Get out and do something fun.
ihabl said:
Continuing to try is always a fantastic plan of action, just make sure you are switching things up a bit so you're not always trying the same things over and over again. Find a new hobby, maybe or even volunteer. That way you can get away from the same old crowd you're always around and meet new people and find interesting things to do.
And my final thought is....and most people don't like this one.....stop making excuses. You say you're lazy. That's an excuse. What good does it do you to think that way or even be that way? It does nothing except stop you from doing things. No one lacks the skills to develop new friendships, they just lack the self confidence to do so. Go out and do it anyway.
