Intimidating females

[ShybutHi]

When a remotely attractive woman approaches me my mind just locks up totally, I automatically look away and do not make eye contact. I also cannot ever approach a woman either. It is like a sudden barrage of different thoughts and anxiety when a woman is directing their attention to me personally. It is very difficult to communicate properly because of this anxiety and automatic lack of concentration of the social situation.

I guess I am intimidated by females besides some social anxiety so it makes everything even worse?

What on earth do you do about something like this?

I have battled with social anxiety and have become alot better at general socializing in comparison to what I used to be... I think some people who do not know me at this point in time may even just think I am shy and not even realize I used to and still do get anxious in social situations. Still it is harder with females. It is strange because in alot of social situations now I can handle them with next to no anxiety at all.
I do have some female friend's but they are all girlfriends of my male friends. It takes me a long time to get used to a female presence and I can only get used to them if I spend alot of time with them in a short period of time.

I must say aswell that I am not someone who views or treats females as some alien race. lol
It is just that it seems to be something which I cannot control and prevents me from making any kind of relation with females on any personal level.

You female's are so intimidating!

 

[Sterling]

If she was ugly, you wouldn't feel intimidated though?

 

[Barbaloot]

I can assure you that if you actually summoned the courage to talk to them you wouldn't find them so intimidating.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I can assure you that if you actually summoned the courage to talk to them you wouldn't find them so intimidating.

Why should it require courage?

They are human beings like everyone else.

 

[Barbaloot]

I can assure you that if you actually summoned the courage to talk to them you wouldn't find them so intimidating.

Why should it require courage?

They are human beings like everyone else.

Because he clearly doesn't have any yet, otherwise he would have talked to women already and realized they aren't so scary after all.

 

[Callie]

Women can be intimidating, however, so can men. It's all about how you approach the situation and whether you let yourself be intimidated by them. You CAN change that, you just need some practice. Try talking to random women, just saying hi to them as you pass them or when you go shopping or whatever. It gets easier the more you do it and eventually, you will be able to have conversations with us intimidating females to your heart's content.

Be patient with yourself and don't let your doubts get you down, Shy. There's no reason you can't talk to women without feeling intimidated or shy, you're just letting your anxiety talk you out of it. Start off slow and build your way up.

 

[ShybutHi]

If she was ugly, you wouldn't feel intimidated though?

I edited my post because that is not what I meant. I am not a shallow person. What mainly attracts me is personality, interests, how they present themselves (confidence for example) their attitude, facial expression and such.

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Women can be intimidating, however, so can men. It's all about how you approach the situation and whether you let yourself be intimidated by them. You CAN change that, you just need some practice. Try talking to random women, just saying hi to them as you pass them or when you go shopping or whatever. It gets easier the more you do it and eventually, you will be able to have conversations with us intimidating females to your heart's content.

Be patient with yourself and don't let your doubts get you down, Shy. There's no reason you can't talk to women without feeling intimidated or shy, you're just letting your anxiety talk you out of it. Start off slow and build your way up.

Yes this is exactly what I did with social anxiety in general but the problem is it would be so strange to do this in the company of my friends because I have known them all a long time and it is totally not the norm for me. I would actually feel really embarassed about it because I would not be surprised if they made comments about seeing me talking to a girl like I must be trying to get with them.

They joke around about getting with women, sexual comments if they see an attractive woman and such and I just am not the type of person to do that. I see it as a bit derogatory to talk about a woman in just a physical and sexual manner like that.

Also I do not like going out on my own although I have done quite a few times. The problem is I cannot mingle with people who are in a group and basically everyone is with a group of people or are joined at the hip to a friend they are with. The only way for me to get talking would be a situation where I and the woman are on our own both sitting close to each other at a bar for example.

 

[Gutted]

I used to be like this. I still can be a little shy around women if they're personally around me. The way I improved on this issue was through practice. I just tried to socialize with women as much as possible and now I am okay most of the time.

I must say though that I do get far more nervous around women I find attractive though. The reason for that is because I feel a much greater need to not make myself look like an idiot. Around Girls I do not find to be sexy, I tend to be less bothered if they see me as an idiot, as our relationship wouldn't go any further anyway.

 

[Callie]

Yes this is exactly what I did with social anxiety in general but the problem is it would be so strange to do this in the company of my friends because I have known them all a long time and it is totally not the norm for me. I would actually feel really embarassed about it because I would not be surprised if they made comments about seeing me talking to a girl like I must be trying to get with them.

They joke around about getting with women, sexual comments if they see an attractive woman and such and I just am not the type of person to do that. I see it as a bit derogatory to talk about a woman in just a physical and sexual manner like that.

Also I do not like going out on my own although I have done quite a few times. The problem is I cannot mingle with people who are in a group and basically everyone is with a group of people or are joined at the hip to a friend they are with. The only way for me to get talking would be a situation where I and the woman are on our own both sitting close to each other at a bar for example.

You shouldn't concern yourself overly much with what others think of you. People change, your friends will understand that. Are all your friends exactly the same as they've always been?

But, that's part of why I said to do it in public and start off slowly. That way, by the time you get comfortable doing it, you will be able to do so without feeling embarrassed in front of your friends.

Going out on your own will be another step into helping your social anxiety. But if it's too difficult, ask a friend that you wouldn't feel too uncomfortable doing it in front of to go with you. And if all else fails, head to the bar and sit next to a woman

 

[ShybutHi]

You shouldn't concern yourself overly much with what others think of you. People change, your friends will understand that. Are all your friends exactly the same as they've always been?

But, that's part of why I said to do it in public and start off slowly. That way, by the time you get comfortable doing it, you will be able to do so without feeling embarrassed in front of your friends.

Going out on your own will be another step into helping your social anxiety. But if it's too difficult, ask a friend that you wouldn't feel too uncomfortable doing it in front of to go with you. And if all else fails, head to the bar and sit next to a woman

I still have problems in relation to these point's which makes it very difficult... pretty much impossible for me. I know I should not care so much what my friend's think but I hate the thought of people talking behind my back for something I did, although that probably goes on anyway.

Funnily enough, yes, my friend's are all pretty much the same as they have always been and I have known most of them for around 7-10 years. They really have not changed much they are still the same when it comes to confidence, mannerisms and such. They are all really quite extroverted intelligent people who have no problem at all with socializing or finding relationship's. Also quite a few of them have been in a relationships for a long period of time. 100% of my friend's are in relationship's. They all find it very easy and I am the complete opposite in that respect.

Even though I get along with my friend's very well because we have very similar interest's and opinion's they are different to me, personality wise, in a few fundemental way's.
(mainly the fact they are confident, extroverted and intelligent people... I am the opposite which makes it incredibly hard to match up to banter and small talk and such in social situations, they are like experts at it and I am totally rubbish)

I have NEVER chatted to them (or vice versa) about relationship's or more personal thing's and they dont with other friend's either.
It is almost like everyone just think's each other is intelligent and wise enough to deal with any problem on their own... They are seriously like that.

So I actually have no-one to go out with, they all have partner's and are not interested in going out to places where I live anyway because there are not very many good place's to hang out.
In England it is mainly always just group's of people as if no-one is independant enough to go out on their own or want to and they mainly just stick to their little groups. If I approached two or three girls (you would pretty much NEVER see a girl on their own here, even just at the bar and most girl's are with guy friend's or a partner) I think it is actually safe to say that I would almost certainly be considered as a guy just trying to pull them if I was sat on my own at a bar for example. You would never see a woman in her 20's just sat on her own at a bar where I live.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can assure you that if you actually summoned the courage to talk to them you wouldn't find them so intimidating.

Why should it require courage?

They are human beings like everyone else.

It takes courage to do anything, human or not, whether we know it or not....

 

[Lost Drifter]

Teenage me was terrified of females, especially the popular cheerleader types who were forever surrounded by friends and admirers. Then one day I started talking to one, nothing big or fancy, just a brief hello that led into a conversation and I realised:

They are human beings like everyone else.

They eat, they sleep, they have bad habits and (probably) snore like the rest of us. People are people all over the world.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

I believe it was Callie that said you should try to talk to random women, and you should. In a store, at a restaurant or bar, just go up to some girl, and start talking to her, about absolutely nothing. fresia, go up to her and try to talk to her with nothing but song quotes or something. Do something completely random that makes no sense because the only point of the exercise is just to talk to a girl, period. Don't worry about trying to get her to like you, or trying to achieve anything other than the fact that you made the words come out of your face in the presence of a female being.

In fact, you may be surprised if a girl responds positively. And they may as it becomes more natural for you to do this.

 

[ShybutHi]

I believe it was Callie that said you should try to talk to random women, and you should. In a store, at a restaurant or bar, just go up to some girl, and start talking to her, about absolutely nothing. fresia, go up to her and try to talk to her with nothing but song quotes or something. Do something completely random that makes no sense because the only point of the exercise is just to talk to a girl, period. Don't worry about trying to get her to like you, or trying to achieve anything other than the fact that you made the words come out of your face in the presence of a female being.

In fact, you may be surprised if a girl responds positively. And they may as it becomes more natural for you to do this.

Yeah I think this is a good thing to do, it can only really help in the end. It would scare the **** out of me to do it though and always has.

Two thing's really I am scared of being judged by my peers for doing this or getting comments by them and by the woman who I would be talking to. Yes I fear rejection, even if it is just being rejected by someone because they do not want to talk to me. That would only confirm my pessimistic viewpoint that women in general are not interested in me relationship wise or even just as a friend as I have never had a friend who is female.
There is only ONE female in my life who seemed to want to actually be friend's with me personally and I rejected any contact with her or tried to make conversation (even though she even invited me to see her at work just to chat and such, even seemed to turn up at places where I was on her own without her bf which she would not normally do) because I would not know what to say and the problem is I find her incredibly attractive but she has a bf who happens to be an old friend of mine. I even once got a comment from him which seemed almost like a "back off from her" type of comment even though I never ever initiated anything personally with her at all.

I actually could not stand being with her... She made me so nervous because of how attractive she is to me. (not just looks but her interests and personality) If she was there I would literally go mute, that is how bad it is.

 

[Ox Blood]

Girls intimidate me and I'm a girl. Go figure.

 

[Drew88]

You female's are so intimidating!

Not to mention they have a hell of alot of power in a relationship and such

 

[SophiaGrace]

Girls intimidate me and I'm a girl. Go figure.

You female's are so intimidating!

 

[ShybutHi]

Exactly Soph although replace that kitty with an Alligator...

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You female's are so intimidating!

Not to mention they have a hell of alot of power in a relationship and such

I think this can potentially change as a relationship mature's. Initially though I would actually agree that women have the power in a relationship most of the time. I think generally speaking men are alot more susceptible to attraction and are not as picky as women. Also it is nearly always the man who has to initiate a relationship. I see alot of women who have been single for a while moaning about it and could easily find someone if they tried but they never ever initiate a relationship.


lol Men are actually easier than women. I mean if a fairly attractive woman went up to a man and asked him out the chances of him saying yes are a hell of alot higher than if it was the other way around.

 

[Drew88]

Exactly Soph although replace that kitty with an Alligator...

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You female's are so intimidating!

Not to mention they have a hell of alot of power in a relationship and such

I think this can potentially change as a relationship mature's. Initially though I would actually agree that women have the power in a relationship most of the time. I think generally speaking men are alot more susceptible to attraction and are not as picky as women. Also it is nearly always the man who has to initiate a relationship. I see alot of women who have been single for a while moaning about it and could easily find someone if they tried but they never ever initiate a relationship.


lol Men are actually easier than women. I mean if a fairly attractive woman went up to a man and asked him out the chances of him saying yes are a hell of alot higher than if it was the other way around.

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And that where it's a problem if you are a passive guy and you do not have anything to be confident about when you get rejected.

 

[ShybutHi]

And that where it's a problem if you are a passive guy and you do not have anything to be confident about when you get rejected.

Yeah, if I decided to take a chance for some reason and got rejected that would only confirm the thought that I am not attractive to females mentally or physically and it would hurt alot. I am already scared enough of rejection and failure as it is. :club: