ive got a tough decision here...

[edgecrusher]

my best friend and only friend that i really regularly talk to has been staying with me for about a month. he is in the army but hurt his knee and has been on leave for a month now so he has been staying with us. he basically told me that i could move in with him and his "girlfriend" where he is stationed about 4-5 hours from here. the army would basically be paying almost all of his rent and giving him some money for groceries every month. he is supposedly going to marry his "girlfriend" so if they do that then he will be getting even more money for her and her kid. so basically i wouldnt have to pay like any kind of rent or anything really. id be allowed to bring my cat too. sounds like it could be a sweet deal right?

my issue is... its not that i dont like his girlfriend, its that they argue a lot. i dont really get why he stays with her because all they do is fresia and argue and then he complains to me about her. on top of that, if i leave where im living know it could kinda screw my sister over. she would be out a person on rent and theres no way that she could afford the place without another roommate. on top of that my name is on the mortgage for this trailer. my friend even said that since almost all his bills are paid for he would use some of his regular paycheck to cover my portion of the rent here until she found a roommate.

if i move somewhere completely new i wont know anyone. i dont go out and i dont really meet new people as a result of that. so it would literally be just the people i am living with that i would know. on top of this i would either have to transfer to a different location of the company that i currently work for if that is possible or just get a new job. i really like the people i work with despite that fact that i am always ridiculously broke. thats why i havent done anything with myself job wise. i REALLY dont want to do the whole "new people" thing. my sister would be really sad if i left and i dont want to leave her because we get along so well and we never argue and we enjoy hanging out with each other.

the thing is... i REALLY need change at this point. and i honestly dont like this area. id prefer to move more north and this new place would be more south. i dont really like the idea of living somehwere and not really paying anything. it just doesnt feel right, plus if anything happened that could be held over my head. although my friend is really not the type to do anything like that. im just worried that i will hate living there with his girlfriend and her kid. im not used to always having a kid around. i dont really know what to do here. at first i wasnt seriously thinking about it but like i said i REALLY need change. im just SOO tired of my current situation. moving there would kind of force me to change some stuff about my life. i just cant get past leaving my sister here though. she would be pretty upset about it.

any advice from any of you great people would be much appreciated.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

Oh boy. I just did something exactly like that a few months ago.
I wanted to take off a term from school, and work full time with the small company I'd been interning for. They ended up needing to produce all the garments from a production run, in house. Because I was taking off a term, I was losing my student housing, so she offered to let me move in to her house.
So as time goes on, I get to know her and all her drama too well. It can also be annoying with a little kid running around. And on top of that, the other business owner of the company was there and she's very difficult to work and live with. (So that's like your friend, his wife, and the kid.) Then the husband of my friend came in on top of that.
I feel like I have no space, no privacy, and no safe place. I spend a lot of time driving to be away from it. Fortunately now, it's only my friend, the husband and the kid... But still...
If you want a change, you gotta find some money (My current stage) and get out. Go somewhere you want to go. Try to get on a mission to get somewhere. I can only suggest this from the utmost similar experience that is happening right now, so I understand where you are.
Just don't move in with them... If they can be a little annoying now, imagine that times ten. :\ Hang in there, buddy.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You have to think of this... because the whole arguing thing, I've dealt with myself with my brother and his wife... Do you really want to be in that? I mean, it's not even your relationship. Do you want to put up with that? And then, if you and your sister are close, do you really want to put her in a situation where things could fall through? Not saying don't trust your friend, but what if he doesn't cover your half until she finds a new roommate? People change their minds, and then he also has a "girlfriend/wife" who might disagree and have a problem with him giving money to, not another person, but another woman, regardless of who she is.

Trust me, the arguing thing... will drive you insane. And you can't even say anything, because you'll just be told to stay out of it.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

You are, of course the deciding factor in this decision. But if I were to give counsel on this, I would say DO NOT move in with them. You will get caught up in someone else's drama.
Many years ago, my roommate's girlfriend came to live with us. there were three of us living there when she moved from Arizona to Hawaii. It became........"difficult" and almost ended our friendship.

 

[PsychoBilli]

I agree that you shouldn't move in with your friend. Though I was thinking of it from a financial point of view. If you're in with your friend and most expenses are covered, then how much incentive would you actually have to find a job? Toss the headache of the arguing into the mix and you'd be inclined to just avoid people even more. This sounds like a cocktail that would lead you to isolate yourself more. Believe me, when you're around unpleasant people all the time, you start looking down your nose at EVERYONE.

 

[JamaisVu]

Free rent and a change of scenery sounds nice, but in my opinion it's not worth the non-monetary price of dealing with a feisty couple and a kid. I'd feel very awkward in such a situation, like a third-wheel. It just doesn't seem like a good long-term living arrangement, eventually they may want their privacy. I know he's your best friend, but do you really want to feel indebted to him for covering you financially?

What happens if you can't find a job, or if the girlfriend decides she doesn't like the arrangement, or if your friend changes his mind about something? I'd stick with your sister and work with her to improve your living situation, rather than imposing on a friend. It's also worth considering what will happen if any signals get crossed and he becomes uncomfortable with the idea of another guy at home all the time with his girlfriend. Misunderstandings of that nature can happen and ruin friendships.

 

[ThinkPositive]

Obviously, your decision is your own and you should do whatever you feel is right. But as for my personal opinion, I agree completely with what Vanilla said.

I don't know about the stuff about your relationship with your sister, but moving in with a couple you already know is a bit unstable just does NOT sound like a good idea.

Back when I lived with roommates, I once made the mistake of letting a roommate's boyfriend move in. He was going to be contributing to rent and utility bills, so it seemed like an OK idea for us to all save money. Besides, he was already over all the time anyway, so I figured I might as well start getting rent out of him.

Well, they would fight so loudly it would wake me up in the middle of the night (and this was when I got up before 6am to go to work). He was messy and didn't clean much, and he and the girlfriend would argue about that too, and in the meantime I ended up cleaning most of the time because I'd get sick of it.

When they started having financial difficulties, he eventually decided that he was paying too much for rent and started bargaining to pay less. But really, I would have happily given back the money I'd saved to not have had him move in in the first place. Besides, I ended up spending a lot of money eating out, because by the time I was done with my 2 jobs and hungry, the last thing I wanted to do was clean the kitchen at home before I'd be able to prepare food for myself.

So yeah, in my experience...not recommended. If you need a change of pace/scenery, just go out on your own!

 

[Sean]

Personally, I don't think it would be fair for you to put your sister in that sort of situation.

Although, the free housing offer sounds pretty nice.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

 

[edgecrusher]

thanks for the replies guys. i got the answers i kinda thought i was going to get. i just dont think its something that i can really do right now. as much as i would like to just escape from my current life situation it just doesnt seem feasible.