Ok...I don't want to tell a giant story...so I'll go brief as I can.
My problem:
I feel that I have to keep a certain distance from people. I haven't made a new friend (real friend) in probably 3 years.This is not to say I am the loner person sitting by themselves in the lunch room, this is far from it. This also extends to my relationships. I feel that I cannot get close to a woman emotionally anymore. Although I have dated a few girls in the past 3 years, they never really went too far. Just recently, I found out my most current ex cheated on me. I just dumped her, I didn't even cry, didn't even care. It's like nothing even happened? I felt a bit of anger, but that quickly faded. :club:
So to get into detail, why do I feel lonely, but not only that, is that I'm starting to prefer it or see it as a realistic choice. Especially in regards to women.
I feel consistently alone, I feel that no one can understand me. I'm in group projects and activities that require me to be in constant personal contact with people. It's usually girls (Cause I usually just tell guys to fresia off straight up if they're being rude) that cause problems or borderline bully me. Yeah they will make snide comments or make fun of me, maybe it's a joke but because they are reoccurring trends - I assume they perceive me as weak and unable to fend for myself. Suddenly this opens up their "true color" as I like to say, and they usually say things they normally wouldn't. This is typically with girls that already have boyfriends and/or not interested in me.
I usually don't reply or "retaliate" as I find this immature, and I would personally feel disgusted if I had to step down to their level. But it really bothers me, because in everyone's eyes, I'm this silent retard (at least around girls).
But here is the psychological problem...
But for girls who are attracted to me, they act completely different. They ignore some of my weirdness or etc, and they obviously don't bully me. But then this sort of pisses me off, it's clear they're only doing this because they are attracted to me physically. But I guess this is my short coming, I find it really hard to act normal/not retarded/un-tense around girls that openly show interest in me. I don't know, I feel weird..I'm the person who doesn't like to get complimented..so you can imagine how weird it is for me when someone starts stroking my biceps.
P.S. ...another problem is that I'm basically a huge nerd/geek at heart (I don't look like it at all). So I assume when a girl finds out, they'll just freak and see me as a "lemon". You know, it's like buying something but then finding out it's bad? You get my idea?
And I don't know, maybe its because of where I live (I live in a large city of over a million people), but there are no geeky/gamer girls...at least in my classes at school/work place.
Anyways, this is getting so long, what I'm hoping for is that someone can give me advice on
1) not appearing so cold/distant
2) getting healthy relationships with girls
3) Am I just freaking OCD and over thinking everything?
4) I feel pretty emotionless these days, some dips into happiness or slight downs occur ...but mainly emotionless..
Ughh...why can't I just find a down to earth girl that I'm interested in and play fooz ball with and watch stupid pop culture movies like Scott Pilgrim vs the world and then go cuddle with? Wait I know, it's cause I chose the wrong college major. I am surrounded with fake, flaky, and generally shallow people (business). Ughhh........................................
If you're still reading...
Who am I?
-Young Male
-In College
-about to graduate
-worked at (will again when I finish) a high paced job in marketing
-I guess I'm above average attractiveness from my observations of girls coming up to me and etc (no ego here)
-A racial minority (not white or black or native american just FYI)
-Actively involved in student clubs and etc
-Played by a girl in my first year of college (I've let that go and even forgiven her. But the damage or resentment towards girls in general is still there)
-Some of my friends would say I'm too aggressive/assertive/open tongued about things
-Sometimes I just shutdown into a state of nervousness and do nothing/say nothing
-Sometimes I'm the center of the room
-I've had problems on freely speaking serious personal issues, but I'm working on this (getting better everyday)
My problem:
I feel that I have to keep a certain distance from people. I haven't made a new friend (real friend) in probably 3 years.This is not to say I am the loner person sitting by themselves in the lunch room, this is far from it. This also extends to my relationships. I feel that I cannot get close to a woman emotionally anymore. Although I have dated a few girls in the past 3 years, they never really went too far. Just recently, I found out my most current ex cheated on me. I just dumped her, I didn't even cry, didn't even care. It's like nothing even happened? I felt a bit of anger, but that quickly faded. :club:
So to get into detail, why do I feel lonely, but not only that, is that I'm starting to prefer it or see it as a realistic choice. Especially in regards to women.
I feel consistently alone, I feel that no one can understand me. I'm in group projects and activities that require me to be in constant personal contact with people. It's usually girls (Cause I usually just tell guys to fresia off straight up if they're being rude) that cause problems or borderline bully me. Yeah they will make snide comments or make fun of me, maybe it's a joke but because they are reoccurring trends - I assume they perceive me as weak and unable to fend for myself. Suddenly this opens up their "true color" as I like to say, and they usually say things they normally wouldn't. This is typically with girls that already have boyfriends and/or not interested in me.
I usually don't reply or "retaliate" as I find this immature, and I would personally feel disgusted if I had to step down to their level. But it really bothers me, because in everyone's eyes, I'm this silent retard (at least around girls).
But here is the psychological problem...
But for girls who are attracted to me, they act completely different. They ignore some of my weirdness or etc, and they obviously don't bully me. But then this sort of pisses me off, it's clear they're only doing this because they are attracted to me physically. But I guess this is my short coming, I find it really hard to act normal/not retarded/un-tense around girls that openly show interest in me. I don't know, I feel weird..I'm the person who doesn't like to get complimented..so you can imagine how weird it is for me when someone starts stroking my biceps.
P.S. ...another problem is that I'm basically a huge nerd/geek at heart (I don't look like it at all). So I assume when a girl finds out, they'll just freak and see me as a "lemon". You know, it's like buying something but then finding out it's bad? You get my idea?
And I don't know, maybe its because of where I live (I live in a large city of over a million people), but there are no geeky/gamer girls...at least in my classes at school/work place.
Anyways, this is getting so long, what I'm hoping for is that someone can give me advice on
1) not appearing so cold/distant
2) getting healthy relationships with girls
3) Am I just freaking OCD and over thinking everything?
4) I feel pretty emotionless these days, some dips into happiness or slight downs occur ...but mainly emotionless..
Ughh...why can't I just find a down to earth girl that I'm interested in and play fooz ball with and watch stupid pop culture movies like Scott Pilgrim vs the world and then go cuddle with? Wait I know, it's cause I chose the wrong college major. I am surrounded with fake, flaky, and generally shallow people (business). Ughhh........................................
If you're still reading...
Who am I?
-Young Male
-In College
-about to graduate
-worked at (will again when I finish) a high paced job in marketing
-I guess I'm above average attractiveness from my observations of girls coming up to me and etc (no ego here)
-A racial minority (not white or black or native american just FYI)
-Actively involved in student clubs and etc
-Played by a girl in my first year of college (I've let that go and even forgiven her. But the damage or resentment towards girls in general is still there)
-Some of my friends would say I'm too aggressive/assertive/open tongued about things
-Sometimes I just shutdown into a state of nervousness and do nothing/say nothing
-Sometimes I'm the center of the room
-I've had problems on freely speaking serious personal issues, but I'm working on this (getting better everyday)