Sometimes in relationships, people show (and perceive) affection in very different ways.
For example, in a relationship, I thought someone would show me he cared by wanting to spend time with me- maybe waking me up on Saturday morning and saying, "Let's go out!"
But he never ever did because he felt the best way to express affection would be to let me sleep as late as I wanted on the weekends. I ended up thinking he never wanted to spend time with me, and he was utterly baffled as to what he might have done wrong- he was only treating me the way he'd like to be treated.
Now, I'm not saying your husband wants unwrapped gifts tossed to him, but he is definitely looking at things from his own perspective instead of what you might need or want. You may not even be able to make him see things your way, but you can look deeper to see why he's behaving the way he is.
Cancer is a very heavy thing to have fall into a relationship. Although it felt like you were abandoned during treatment, I'm willing to bet he might have felt quite alone at that time too.
It's an overwhelming thing to have to deal with, especially in someone you love. Perhaps he couldn't cope with it at that time?
I don't mean to make excuses for his behavior, especially when it makes you feel rejected... but I think it sounds like there could be more empathy. Communication isn't easy I know, but sometimes all we can do is try to see it from the other's perspective and go from there.
