lost another friend

[Floridaguy]

So i become good friends with this guy recently.

We had about three or four weeks of drinking beer, fishing and running. Hanging out almost every day. Texting often. It felt like a real friendship.

Yesterday he told me that today he is moving back with his wife, several hours away. He also told me that he needs to end our friendship as he wants to focus on his marriage. I totally get this.

Im am so angry at myself for allowing myself to trust.

I believe that people come into your life for a reason. To teach you something. I have spent time thinking about the lesson from this friendship. And what i have come up with is that I am destined to be friendless. The lesson is not to hope. The lesson is to give up.

I am profoundly sad and angry.

 

[lostatsea]

I just had a very complicated platonic thing with a girl who a month ago who said I became her best friend. Today she looks at me like I was her biggest mistake. I'm no longer a part of her life at all. She's got new friends and doesn't need me.

My point is to take the highs away from this friendship you had. Now you know you are capable of making great friends. You also have the satisfaction that there is nothing you did wrong. It ended well! I WISH I could say the same. Who knows what will happen in the future? His marriage gets to a better state and your friendship could start up again.

But even if it doesn't look how fast your life changed in a few weeks. Look how good it got.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right or not but it sounds like you have deeper feelings for him? It doesn't necessarily mean romantically either. Could he have read this as well and been put off by it? No offense intended, but it was thought I had as a read the post. You sound more attached than just a casual new friendship of only a few weeks. If he felt this and got freaked out about it, it could have caused him to retreat.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

You can't view everyone who comes and goes in your life as a "loss". It isn't a "loss" necessarily. Our lives are always changing. ENJOY the people you are with NOW and if they are there tomorrow, fine, if not, then you enjoyed them yesterday and had a great time. Stop couching everything in the negative. You had some fun for a couple of weeks. So what? Some friends are just friends of the moment or friends of convenience. Just enjoy them for what they are and what it is .

 

[Floridaguy]

Thank you this was very helpful

I just had a very complicated platonic thing with a girl who a month ago who said I became her best friend. Today she looks at me like I was her biggest mistake. I'm no longer a part of her life at all. She's got new friends and doesn't need me.

My point is to take the highs away from this friendship you had. Now you know you are capable of making great friends. You also have the satisfaction that there is nothing you did wrong. It ended well! I WISH I could say the same. Who knows what will happen in the future? His marriage gets to a better state and your friendship could start up again.

But even if it doesn't look how fast your life changed in a few weeks. Look how good it got.

---

Thank you This was very helpful

 

[Scruffy]

'Friends come and go' make sure you remember this.
At every part of our stage in life, high school, University life or Working, there will always be someone new as our bestfriend.

You may never know what is the reason behind he spent those time with you. Sometimes, you don't even need to know, just let go. The more you hold that desire of yours to know his reasons, the more you are stressing yourself thus making you feel worse.

Life is a journey, make use of what you faced throughout that journey. If you face bad people(those naughty & bad intention ones), learn to deal with them. But when you face good and awesome people, you got to make full use of that time spending most of the happiness together with them while learning things throughout that time as well. One of the thing you might learn is say, 'Learning to Cherish'?

So what happens when friends left? If possible, try to stay in touch with them.

Learn to be Optimistic!
Nothing is permanent, not even plastics!
Cherish whatever you have now & make full use of it to your situation.

 

[Tiina63]

To me, the reason he gives for ending your friendship is a bit odd. I could understand if he had said that he wouldn't be seeing you/texting you as much anymore as he would be moving away and would be busy sorting out his marriage, but to drop you altogether seems a bit over the top. Why would focusing on his marriage mean that he ends a friendship completely?
Please don't give up on finding friends just because of this rather thoughtless man.

 

[Floridaguy]

Thank you all for your responses. This is very helpful.

And its helped me to talk outloud about it.

The reason he said he needed to end the friendship is twofold: distance and that i was part of the life that he had started to create as a single person....

I agree with what someone wrote about expecting too much out of the friendship. (what you wrote was not offensive at all). While it was not romantic in the least, i do think my expectations of "ive finally found a friend" created an expectation that was unrealistic.

Something Ive taken from all your responses is perhaps to begin to look at friendships on their face-- and with the ideal of serial friends. A relationship lasts as long as it lasts....

The person who stated: "you had a few good weeks" made a very valid point.

Its easy for me to get discouraged.... something i need to work on.

Im glad this forum is here.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I do the same thing, I adore my friends and some of my family too much I think. It's not always returned. Some people I like to call puddle people. Why? That's as deep as they are, as they're capable of loving. I need people like me who love as deep as the ocean's depths.

 

[Floridaguy]

Thanks for your responses For Granted.
I guess my goal has to learn to be ok with puddles.
Puddles at least have more water than a desert.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

Ha! True that You got me on that one. Ok I should say I "wish" there were more people like us then. Better?

Thanks for your responses For Granted.
I guess my goal has to learn to be ok with puddles.
Puddles at least have more water than a desert.

 

[Rosebolt]

I believe that people come into your life for a reason. To teach you something. I have spent time thinking about the lesson from this friendship. And what i have come up with is that I am destined to be friendless. The lesson is not to hope. The lesson is to give up.

I am profoundly sad and angry.

The lesson is to learn to move on. Friends come and go. Getting sad and angry because of this will get you nothing. However, it is good to let yourself be sad for a couple of days, but then quit it.

 

[Floridaguy]

Excellent advice sai
This just happened last night

 

[Floridaguy]

So update.
My friend called tonight with questions he wanted advice on.

I bit my toung took the high road and gave the opinions he was asking for.

I wish I new why this friendship matters so much. I'm not gay.
I think it cause he reminds me of my brother who died two years ago.

**** life is a complex mess.

 

[lostatsea]

I think you were right to bite your tongue. If you consider him a friend, be a friend. Saying something spiteful could definitely end your friendship for good. The fact that he calls you for advice makes me think he's not going to be really gone from your life, just not in it as much.

 

[Shut_Out]

All you can do, I suppose, is not treat your friends the same way. In other words, treat others as you would want to be treated is the lesson.

 

[Peaches]

Ha! True that You got me on that one. Ok I should say I "wish" there were more people like us then. Better?

Thanks for your responses For Granted.
I guess my goal has to learn to be ok with puddles.
Puddles at least have more water than a desert.

just, please, don't settle for puddles, there must be some oceans out there, somewhere. For me, puddles help survive but that leaves me always thirsty.