manipulated

[misa]

i spoke about my work before and how it sucks because people come up and give you a hard time or harass you. but i haven't spoken about my personal life.

i guess some people might say my personal life is in the toilet.

i live with my aunt right now. i am almost 30. this is lame but it is because i dont have very much money.

obviously i could go into other options but i know what they are. i know i could get a second job and do better and have found reasonably priced places.

i have to get to the point.

yesterday i went to my uncles house and talked to him about my job. which has really been getting to me lately. apparently he doesn't see any benefit to me in doing this job at all. he keeps insulting me and expressing his opinion not only about the job but about me. you need to get a real job, you're not 18, you're 30... b

basically because he was just insulting me and telling me that i suck eventually i just broke down into tears and started telling him about my life and my mom and dad and all kinds of personal stuff.

i feel so bad like i betrayed my mom by talking about her behind my back. that i did something really stupid.

this is not the first time any of them have acted strangely to me. for example my cousin berated and screamed at me once in the car, and my uncle told me that i owe him an apology.

my aunt and cousin have both looked gone into my diary. and they didn't apologize when i caught them.

i did feel slightly better after getting everything off my chest. but the whole thing was just because my uncle kept telling me that i sucked

 

[Sci-Fi]

Some people just don't know or understand how to deal with situations like that. It might be from the way they were raised or programmed to react to situations, or just the lack of experience. My mom used to tell me to just "get over it" but I think in the past few years she's come to understand me differently. It sounds like your family doesn't understand or "get" you. They're at a loss of how to deal with what you are going through. Looking through your diary though, a major no no unless they had concerned reasons to, like they thought you might be harming yourself or doing something destructive.

You sound very unhappy in your job, sounds like you do need a change. What happened after you broke down to your uncle?

 

[misa]

i could be paranoid. i feel paranoid. but i am in this state now where i keep thinking about the weird things any of them have said.

basically he said that he understood and he might even be the only person who can understand because my mom "use to be his mom" ... she mothered him i guess. (you see that is weird of him to say he's the only person who could understand, like i can only really trust him? it reminds me of if you have a really awful boyfriend or girlfriend and they say no one else will ever love you like they do. )

and then he asked me what i wanted to do. apparently what other people do for work is a really big deal to him.

whatever... he said he should be more my friend and less my uncle.

from what i say do i sound like i am paranoid? does it sound like he is being a good uncle or manipulative and judgmental and nosy?

it makes me feel really bad. i am always on the lame end of the spectrum. i'd like to be better.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I totally understand your feelings of paranoia, I get that way too. But from what you've said it sounds like he is trying to be helpful and genuine. There's nothing wrong with keeping your guard up a bit, but with him saying he should be more your friend and less your uncle I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[misa]

i don't. i dont want to be friends with someone who tells me that i should apologize to their son after he screams at me and insults me. that's completely wrong and entirely unfair. the entire time i've been around them they've been very adversarial and cruel.

and he said other stuff like that my other relatives were nice people and that my mother created a rift with them. i know them too. they're so stupid they actually directly ask me if they can keep the keys to my house in case i lose them. its not his freaking life.

what the hell.

i dont even ever talk to my uncle about my problems or life or barely at all. this is practically the first time that i've ever spoken to him because he doesn't treat me with any respect at all.

the entire thing is weird.