NightHawkJohn
Well-known member
I have problems with memories of my childhood, i realise that from about 10 and below its very hazy with ages below 5 a complete blank.
Above 10 or so i can remember things with great detail, as i have a photographic memory. Which only makes it stranger that i cant remember much about when i was a child as i can remember things so well.
I am noticing this even more lately as i found a bunch of stuff from when i was a child and have been going through stuff to try and jog my memory.
My mother threw out most of my childhood stuff and erased all my home videos so i don't have a lot to go on, but luckily my sister must have kept some of my stuff as she used to take my stuff and hide it away for some reason.
But it is pretty unsettling to read stuff about yourself and have no memory of it.
I have a picture of me when i did a charity thing for my school and had my picture taken for the local news paper, but when i look at the picture i have no memory of it at all.
Mostly everything in my box of childhood stuff does not jog my memory, i have valentines cards from some girl, artwork i did, story's all sorts of things, my report cards for when i first went to school show that i was the top of my class and then i just gave up and became unresponsive.
I feel this may have to do with my first best friend who died when she was hit by car when i was very young, i never got any kind of counselling for it and when i talked to my mother she did not care and told me to stop crying about it.
So i think i just gave up on school for that reason and the teachers were not very nice and would generally punish me for no reason, and because my parents did not care they could do whatever they liked and i knew i could not tell anyone as no one would care anyway.
Which caused me to get crappy grades and now my job prospects are pretty much nil for anything decent.
I also lately feel worried a lot of the time and nervous, i get anxious around people and i find that its stopping me from having a life.
I never used to be and had quite a few friends and would go out places all the time.
But now i pretty much don't go outside at all if i can avoid it, and usually only go out to get food at 5am because its quiet. Otherwise i get terribly anxious and sometimes i wont eat because i cant go out and get something until it is early morning again.
I did have a good job which i loved until some bad stuff happened and it caused me to try and kill myself which luckily i managed to be okay, but after that i ended up moving back with my parents as i did not have any money and i could not work, i tried to go on jobseeker's allowance which if your not from the uk is a system that gives you money if you are looking for work, but I had such anxiety about going in and talking to them i just quit going as i could not take it and lost my benefits.
I have been trying to work up to going to see the doctor to see if there is anything they could do as i don't like feeling like this, i have been told it may be possible for me to get on disability and maybe get my own place, as living around my mother is driving me crazy as she is very emotionally abusive and part of the reason i cant get a job as she will go out of her way to sabotage my life anyway she can.
I wondered if anyone has any advice about my situation.
Above 10 or so i can remember things with great detail, as i have a photographic memory. Which only makes it stranger that i cant remember much about when i was a child as i can remember things so well.
I am noticing this even more lately as i found a bunch of stuff from when i was a child and have been going through stuff to try and jog my memory.
My mother threw out most of my childhood stuff and erased all my home videos so i don't have a lot to go on, but luckily my sister must have kept some of my stuff as she used to take my stuff and hide it away for some reason.
But it is pretty unsettling to read stuff about yourself and have no memory of it.
I have a picture of me when i did a charity thing for my school and had my picture taken for the local news paper, but when i look at the picture i have no memory of it at all.
Mostly everything in my box of childhood stuff does not jog my memory, i have valentines cards from some girl, artwork i did, story's all sorts of things, my report cards for when i first went to school show that i was the top of my class and then i just gave up and became unresponsive.
I feel this may have to do with my first best friend who died when she was hit by car when i was very young, i never got any kind of counselling for it and when i talked to my mother she did not care and told me to stop crying about it.
So i think i just gave up on school for that reason and the teachers were not very nice and would generally punish me for no reason, and because my parents did not care they could do whatever they liked and i knew i could not tell anyone as no one would care anyway.
Which caused me to get crappy grades and now my job prospects are pretty much nil for anything decent.
I also lately feel worried a lot of the time and nervous, i get anxious around people and i find that its stopping me from having a life.
I never used to be and had quite a few friends and would go out places all the time.
But now i pretty much don't go outside at all if i can avoid it, and usually only go out to get food at 5am because its quiet. Otherwise i get terribly anxious and sometimes i wont eat because i cant go out and get something until it is early morning again.
I did have a good job which i loved until some bad stuff happened and it caused me to try and kill myself which luckily i managed to be okay, but after that i ended up moving back with my parents as i did not have any money and i could not work, i tried to go on jobseeker's allowance which if your not from the uk is a system that gives you money if you are looking for work, but I had such anxiety about going in and talking to them i just quit going as i could not take it and lost my benefits.
I have been trying to work up to going to see the doctor to see if there is anything they could do as i don't like feeling like this, i have been told it may be possible for me to get on disability and maybe get my own place, as living around my mother is driving me crazy as she is very emotionally abusive and part of the reason i cant get a job as she will go out of her way to sabotage my life anyway she can.
I wondered if anyone has any advice about my situation.