TheSolitaryMan
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2011
- Messages
- 1,561
- Reaction score
- 1
Hey all, first post in a while. I've been feeling more upbeat, so I've been away from the forums.
However, I've been experiencing some great frustration again lately.
I hope you can stick with my rather long post after this point - no point in writing it out if I'm not thorough, after all
Quick recap for context: I'm 20, male (the username's a giveaway ), studying a degree that requires a lot of hard work and have always been single.
Right now, I'm finding my biological drive absolutely maddening at times. Everything around me seems to encourage that human part of me, but logic and circumstance means it's all but impossible to do anything about it.
While I'm currently on holiday, the previous term I had 20+ hours of lectures a week on top of home assignments and reading. I sometimes had 4+ assignments a week to hand in for the next week.
I haven't got time at present for a full-time job, because even during the holidays I'm having to study to make sure I'm secure next year. I only earn bits of money from doing assorted jobs for people I know in my spare time.
I haven't been on a proper night out for at least a year now, as ridiculous as that sounds. I entertain myself with exercise, movies, videogames - forms of entertainment that can be quickly used and moved on from.
Yet there are girls in my class, all very attractive and friendly, who seem keen on getting to know me. There is one I have a crush on who spends a lot of time smiling at me...in fact, she really seems to like me too. This is making it even worse, ironically :club:
I fear don't have the money or time to really devote to a girl and make her feel special, so instead I'm trapped in this infuriating cycle of just doing absolutely nothing. It's got to the point where if I see a movie featuring some people kissing passionately or whatever, it actually puts me in a bad mood.
I feel exceedingly lonely, especially when other people speak of their partners. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but I get some pretty bitter feelings when people are going on about their busy social lives or romantic breaks.
I'm almost in a different caste to those people - I've got the same romantic abilites and assets, but that part of me is locked away for the next 4+ years until I have the money to "buy the key" for it.
Part of me thinks that I should just say "Screw it" and ask that girl out, but then what's the point if I don't have the money or independance to back that up? I'm sure a girl can only watch DVDs and eat pizza so many times before she gets bored.
I think the weirdest thing is, unlike many guys my age, I don't want sex or any of that heavy stuff. I'd just like someone to give me my first kiss and a big hug, and actually want me to be there for them.
Apparently, however, that's way out of my capabilities right now, because one kiss brings with it "The Relationship"
I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll stop. I know this degree will really set me up in future (with any luck, anyway), but ****...I feel like a machine sometimes. One that's running low on fuel and making disturbing creaking noises.
Thanks for reading, if you did. I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts or similar experiences. Modern life is...so **** hectic at times
However, I've been experiencing some great frustration again lately.
I hope you can stick with my rather long post after this point - no point in writing it out if I'm not thorough, after all
Quick recap for context: I'm 20, male (the username's a giveaway ), studying a degree that requires a lot of hard work and have always been single.
Right now, I'm finding my biological drive absolutely maddening at times. Everything around me seems to encourage that human part of me, but logic and circumstance means it's all but impossible to do anything about it.
While I'm currently on holiday, the previous term I had 20+ hours of lectures a week on top of home assignments and reading. I sometimes had 4+ assignments a week to hand in for the next week.
I haven't got time at present for a full-time job, because even during the holidays I'm having to study to make sure I'm secure next year. I only earn bits of money from doing assorted jobs for people I know in my spare time.
I haven't been on a proper night out for at least a year now, as ridiculous as that sounds. I entertain myself with exercise, movies, videogames - forms of entertainment that can be quickly used and moved on from.
Yet there are girls in my class, all very attractive and friendly, who seem keen on getting to know me. There is one I have a crush on who spends a lot of time smiling at me...in fact, she really seems to like me too. This is making it even worse, ironically :club:
I fear don't have the money or time to really devote to a girl and make her feel special, so instead I'm trapped in this infuriating cycle of just doing absolutely nothing. It's got to the point where if I see a movie featuring some people kissing passionately or whatever, it actually puts me in a bad mood.
I feel exceedingly lonely, especially when other people speak of their partners. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but I get some pretty bitter feelings when people are going on about their busy social lives or romantic breaks.
I'm almost in a different caste to those people - I've got the same romantic abilites and assets, but that part of me is locked away for the next 4+ years until I have the money to "buy the key" for it.
Part of me thinks that I should just say "Screw it" and ask that girl out, but then what's the point if I don't have the money or independance to back that up? I'm sure a girl can only watch DVDs and eat pizza so many times before she gets bored.
I think the weirdest thing is, unlike many guys my age, I don't want sex or any of that heavy stuff. I'd just like someone to give me my first kiss and a big hug, and actually want me to be there for them.
Apparently, however, that's way out of my capabilities right now, because one kiss brings with it "The Relationship"
I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll stop. I know this degree will really set me up in future (with any luck, anyway), but ****...I feel like a machine sometimes. One that's running low on fuel and making disturbing creaking noises.
Thanks for reading, if you did. I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts or similar experiences. Modern life is...so **** hectic at times