My Reasons

[FaeGrl30]

I do know the reasons why I get so lonely, often! So, I just felt like sharing it here, for venting sake. ^_^

I'm a sufferer of anxiety and panic attacks, which only occur in social situations. Online chatting and texting is fine, but face to face situations causes an issue for me. So, I pretty much avoid social situations, not that I want to or happy with this, but I can't exactly help it. I have been through four years of therapy for it, not counting the years spent with bad therapists and under heavy medication, which did not help my issue whatsoever. I'm not giving up on fighting this disorder, not at all, but the suggestions of "just get out more" isn't possible for curing my loneliness.

Another factor I once had was depression. I was chronically depressed, due to the loneliness, for fifteen years. I was suicidal a lot and even use to cut myself too. Thankfully, therapy DID help with that and I've been suicidal and depression free for over five years now.
That isn't a factor of my loneliness anymore but I thought to mention it, in case others are wondering if it's possible to get past depression... it is and don't give up hope!

The main factor for my loneliness is that I don't have many friends... well, I have only one true friend in the world. There are four others I chat with from time to time on Facebook, but that's within months or many weeks in between the silence. I didn't meet my friend until in the middle of my therapy for depression, seven years ago. We are "internet" friends, though she's more like a sister to me. But she's my only friend and she has her own life, as she SHOULD! So, that means I only get to speak with her through a few emails per day, but most of my waking hours is spent alone, wandering Facebook, writing, watching tons of movies or shows on Netflix, or playing massive hours of video games. I'm lonely because I am alone, basically.

I never feel lonely when I'm in conversations with people or my friend is emailing me back and forth. In those moments I'm fine. And the first few hours of watching shows or playing video games is fine, it's when it's been six or eight hours that I feel the loneliness again. I use to have another "friend" that would text with me all day long, but that's another long story and thread. IF I feel like sharing that sad tale. lol. I guess, I'm feeling lonely this autumn because there's no more non-stop communication during my day.

Well, thanks for reading my ramblings. Now, it's time for more Netflix. ^_^

 

[jetsuo]

yeah that lonely feeling sucks ass. I havent gone through what you have gone through but i can relate to the moments of feeling very lonely. There is times when people are talking to me or i am talking to others and i feel fine, but then there is those moments when during the day when i just feel totally lonely.
Usually when i wake up in the morning, i feel good and then this sudden feeling hits me.

Im glad you managed to get over your depression, that must have been a fine struggle. But you won, which is great.
I hope you get over your social anxiety in time. !

 

[FaeGrl30]

YEAH! Tell me about it. LOL!
Yep, it's similar... that same feeling of "where is everyone???". It always hits me in the middle of my lonely day. In the mornings, I'm fine and enjoying my coffee. Then by noon, it seems like the house is too silent and I start trying to have conversations with my cat. Pathetic, I know. >_>

Thanks! Yes, it was a LONG struggle, but I made it. And I had worried that I may slip back into depression at any time, but for years it hasn't happen. Even when I get really really lonely, I don't go back to that dark place anymore. That's the only thing that therapy helped me with. And no, I'm medication-free completely for the last four years. ^_^

 

[Limlim]

There is nothing wrong with talking to your cat. Its when they talk back is when you should be worried. my cat would sometimes meow back at me when I talked to him though and I would pretend it was an answer to my question or a general response.

"hey buddy what's up?"
"mow"
"no kidding huh? sounds interesting"
"moow..." * paws at empty food dish and looks up at owner*
"yeah I'm doing pretty good, how bout you?"
"moooooooow" *keeps pawing at empty food dish*
"I know right? I could use a nap too, ill see you in an hour"
*cat facepalms when I leave*

 

[kamya]

I was like that too for a long time. Distracting myself with netflix and anime/manga and video games. I'd make good friends for a while before they ended up too busy.

If it wasn't for my job and the little bit of ambition it's given me I would still be that way. I don't really know how to make it go away. I just got lucky I guess. A lot of me still is the same but it just doesn't really get me down anymore.

 

[eviloreo]

Wow i completely understand where you are coming from Faegrl30. Except for the social anxiety / panic part. When im distracted playign games, not thinking about myself or realizing how soul crushing alone i am, i am totally fine. But when i have to think about my future, or realize there is no one around to talk to i get really depressed and lonely. It's usually in these bouts where i go to this forum, i read up on other people, i guess to see other people struggle with my problems i dont feel as alone, but i still am alone inside.

I think at several points in my life, even now that i suffer from depression, but i try to "man up" and deal with it, but sometimes it kinda just gets to you like right now. I feel like i want to cry but im not sad enough to cry so im in this limbo state of alone- and sad. It just sucks and really holds me back, physically i feel cold, i feel lazy, i want to be left alone, yet at the same time i dont want to be alone. Im not sad enough to the point where i want to commit suicide or anything, but im sad enough to know that im not worth much as a human being. The whole situation is terrible. Even now as i type im just.... bummed out, i wouldnt even want to be around me if i was my own friend right now...

I too also have issues keeping friends. Unlike you however, its not social anxiety, its just making that effort to be with others, i never had that drive, but then again it might be social anxiety, i dunno, maybe for me is its i dont feel like someone im fun to be around with or something. Then again, when i play games, (or did play games like WoW) i would hop on vent or some kinda voice chat and be totally normal.

I wish... i wish it was the other way around, where im more interested in being around people in person then online. In real life, i have no friends, just some people i know- and my "closest" friends are only online internet friends. Which im fine with, but it would be nice to be able to call someone to move a bed, or if my car breaks down they can come and help me out. ATM, if my car breaks down, in the middle of no where, im screwed, im walking to my parents home so they can help me. its really ******* sad come to think about it now.

Even writing this to you, or any stranger that reads this, you guys know more about my overall mental health then my best "internet friends." Those people only know me is "eviloreo," the guild tank in WoW, or that ******* who constantly yells at you for making stupid mistakes in League of Legends (which they are used to i hope). They know my real name, where i live, how old i am, some of my past, my personally, but i never shared with them how really lonely i am. In fact this is probaby the most i ever written about this, i guess im still somewhat in denial about my lonliness, and well, im sharing it with all you guys.

Anyways i dont want to dwell on this more at the moment, i feel very isolated right now

 

[Reno Bill]

Wow, eviloreo, I can relate exactly to what you're saying! I'm pretty much feeling the same way. My one true friend, who I know Ican turn to in an emergency is out of town, which leaves me feeling really alone. I have a couple of other "friends", but they feel more like acquaintences. Not people I can express myself to. LIke you, I don't know if I have social anxiety or if I just don't care. I'm seeing a therapist who's working with me to try to make more social contact and lessen my anxieties, but I'm not sure it's going to work. Life at times just seems really pointless.... I too need to not dwell on this, it just makes things feel worse.

Wow i completely understand where you are coming from Faegrl30. Except for the social anxiety / panic part. When im distracted playign games, not thinking about myself or realizing how soul crushing alone i am, i am totally fine. But when i have to think about my future, or realize there is no one around to talk to i get really depressed and lonely. It's usually in these bouts where i go to this forum, i read up on other people, i guess to see other people struggle with my problems i dont feel as alone, but i still am alone inside.

I think at several points in my life, even now that i suffer from depression, but i try to "man up" and deal with it, but sometimes it kinda just gets to you like right now. I feel like i want to cry but im not sad enough to cry so im in this limbo state of alone- and sad. It just sucks and really holds me back, physically i feel cold, i feel lazy, i want to be left alone, yet at the same time i dont want to be alone. Im not sad enough to the point where i want to commit suicide or anything, but im sad enough to know that im not worth much as a human being. The whole situation is terrible. Even now as i type im just.... bummed out, i wouldnt even want to be around me if i was my own friend right now...

I too also have issues keeping friends. Unlike you however, its not social anxiety, its just making that effort to be with others, i never had that drive, but then again it might be social anxiety, i dunno, maybe for me is its i dont feel like someone im fun to be around with or something. Then again, when i play games, (or did play games like WoW) i would hop on vent or some kinda voice chat and be totally normal.

I wish... i wish it was the other way around, where im more interested in being around people in person then online. In real life, i have no friends, just some people i know- and my "closest" friends are only online internet friends. Which im fine with, but it would be nice to be able to call someone to move a bed, or if my car breaks down they can come and help me out. ATM, if my car breaks down, in the middle of no where, im screwed, im walking to my parents home so they can help me. its really ******* sad come to think about it now.

Even writing this to you, or any stranger that reads this, you guys know more about my overall mental health then my best "internet friends." Those people only know me is "eviloreo," the guild tank in WoW, or that ******* who constantly yells at you for making stupid mistakes in League of Legends (which they are used to i hope). They know my real name, where i live, how old i am, some of my past, my personally, but i never shared with them how really lonely i am. In fact this is probaby the most i ever written about this, i guess im still somewhat in denial about my lonliness, and well, im sharing it with all you guys.

Anyways i dont want to dwell on this more at the moment, i feel very isolated right now