driftboy87
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- Joined
- Feb 13, 2010
- Messages
- 16
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Ever since I was seven or eight, I've had periods of months to years of having nobody to hang with, call, etc. Lately has been one of the longer periods (haven't really had a good clique since 3/07, haven't hung out with a close friend since 3/09...and he screwed me outta $15!).
People deal with it differently. I've known a lot of other friendless people, who became friendless due to different reasons. Some were angry kids who became too career (money=status) focused, and completely ignored social cues. Others made a big mistake, or a bunch of little ones, that ostracized them from the people around them. Others were just always socially awkward and learned to deal, for the most part. Still others, like me, moved around all the time and didn't really put roots down.
When I was young, I'd deal with loneliness by either taking giant walks or bike rides in the woods when we lived in the country, or eating. I was obese by the time I was 8. Video games and junk food were my two biggest things for most of growing up, no matter where we were living, or the situation at home. Those two things gave me comfort, and were my comfort zone.
Around 15, I discovered weed. I loved it (and honestly I still do). By the end of high school, I was considered cool because I was baked ALL the time, had hot girls in my car, and could usually get you "what you needed". I seriously had that party life for about 2 years, until I screwed up with a girl and took it out on myself. The point is that I traded in video games, food, etc. for ganja. Unfortunately, not only was ganja a comfort zone for me; pretty soon my entire social life revolved around it. I didn't hang out with kids who didn't smoke. Kids who would have hung out with me anytime soon became tired of me being out of my head, and as people grew up, they dropped off. Soon I began questioning my own identity, slowly driving myself crazy with anxiety and "what-if" scenarios - I
m sure you've been there.
I smoke pretty regularly still, but not like I used to. I'm very slowly meeting new people and staying straight for them, since I'm technically a grown up now and need to conduct myself as such. I'm rediscovering the things I like to actually DO, not get high and think about (although, a bunch of those things crossed over with each other
) I know with some self-discipline I can put my degree to work, move out and start fresh yet again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let your social life (or lack thereof) dictate who you are. I only wish that all the hours I had spent worrying about what my "friends" thought of me had been spent on hobbies, dating more, building my resume, etc. Now I'm almost 23 and I've got the resume of a high school senior and a college degree.
On the other had, my last close "friend" (the $15 scam artist) had always been a tee-totaller (completely sober), had worked nearly every day since he was 15 to land his dream job, and now that he has it...he still has no friends. He's a 24 year old virgin in a one bedroom box in the middle of nowhere, and is quickly becoming a gym ******. Every time we used to hang out I had to listen to his dating failures and watch him get progressively angrier...I knew I had to get rid of him, and I was almost thankful that he gave me a reason.
Getting off track....basically, I know loneliness. I know it's a crappy thing to feel. But I know that it can't affect how I feel about myself, since I let it do that before with really bad results. Let's all commit to spending at least a little time every day to make our lives better by doing something we want to do, without worrying what others might think or how it might rub some people the wrong way.
People deal with it differently. I've known a lot of other friendless people, who became friendless due to different reasons. Some were angry kids who became too career (money=status) focused, and completely ignored social cues. Others made a big mistake, or a bunch of little ones, that ostracized them from the people around them. Others were just always socially awkward and learned to deal, for the most part. Still others, like me, moved around all the time and didn't really put roots down.
When I was young, I'd deal with loneliness by either taking giant walks or bike rides in the woods when we lived in the country, or eating. I was obese by the time I was 8. Video games and junk food were my two biggest things for most of growing up, no matter where we were living, or the situation at home. Those two things gave me comfort, and were my comfort zone.
Around 15, I discovered weed. I loved it (and honestly I still do). By the end of high school, I was considered cool because I was baked ALL the time, had hot girls in my car, and could usually get you "what you needed". I seriously had that party life for about 2 years, until I screwed up with a girl and took it out on myself. The point is that I traded in video games, food, etc. for ganja. Unfortunately, not only was ganja a comfort zone for me; pretty soon my entire social life revolved around it. I didn't hang out with kids who didn't smoke. Kids who would have hung out with me anytime soon became tired of me being out of my head, and as people grew up, they dropped off. Soon I began questioning my own identity, slowly driving myself crazy with anxiety and "what-if" scenarios - I
m sure you've been there.
I smoke pretty regularly still, but not like I used to. I'm very slowly meeting new people and staying straight for them, since I'm technically a grown up now and need to conduct myself as such. I'm rediscovering the things I like to actually DO, not get high and think about (although, a bunch of those things crossed over with each other
) I know with some self-discipline I can put my degree to work, move out and start fresh yet again.I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let your social life (or lack thereof) dictate who you are. I only wish that all the hours I had spent worrying about what my "friends" thought of me had been spent on hobbies, dating more, building my resume, etc. Now I'm almost 23 and I've got the resume of a high school senior and a college degree.
On the other had, my last close "friend" (the $15 scam artist) had always been a tee-totaller (completely sober), had worked nearly every day since he was 15 to land his dream job, and now that he has it...he still has no friends. He's a 24 year old virgin in a one bedroom box in the middle of nowhere, and is quickly becoming a gym ******. Every time we used to hang out I had to listen to his dating failures and watch him get progressively angrier...I knew I had to get rid of him, and I was almost thankful that he gave me a reason.
Getting off track....basically, I know loneliness. I know it's a crappy thing to feel. But I know that it can't affect how I feel about myself, since I let it do that before with really bad results. Let's all commit to spending at least a little time every day to make our lives better by doing something we want to do, without worrying what others might think or how it might rub some people the wrong way.
