My story

[Maverick1989]

Well i've finally gotten into the mood to post a story about my life.
I have gone through some really lonely years now and I guess it's time for change.

I have already posted a new member greetings thingy in the other forum part but i'll reintroduce myself a bit here. soo... :

Well, my name is Rick, 20 years old and I live in Holland (Netherlands or whatever you'd want to call it. )
It's a tiny country inbetween the UK and Germany which has a sea climate, has over 17 million inhabitants ( most dense populated country in the world after Japan) for the people who don't know.
Anyways, I lived my whole live here and it's a pretty nice place to live..... (if i had'nt be so ******* lonely. )

I think it all started at my 12th year when my mother died because of cancer, it was also the year I was leaving elementary school and went on to highschool (i guess its called like that in english, college is different right?).
I'm a really shy guy so I don't make friends that quickly, but I still had alot of friends from my younger years and some of them went to the same school as I, so that was kind of a relief.
When the months went on some of the more popular kids in the class knew I was shy and picked me for bullying, you know the familliar things like hiding your rugsack, "kick me" notes on the back and more.
Which leaded that i did'nt wanted to go to school anymore and my grades suffered alot from this, so i failed my first year and had to do it all over again, but this time I went to another school.

The school where I went to was located in a smaller village and school was smaller too, which was way better for me... the people were alot nicer here and teachers guided the kids better here than on the other school. The following years were really good, I got my diploma after 4 years without doing any of those years again.

After that I decided I wanted to do something with computers so I went to study (college?) I was 17 when i started and im doing this study and 1 year to go.

But my biggest problem is still that im very shy and don't connect with people that easily and I also never go out to a club or meet friends in any particular way, and im kinda scared to ask them out because they might refuse or make up an excuse to not go out with me.

Im really in a position now where I only communicate with my father (who also is alone, 7 years now) and are very isolated from the outside.
I spend most of my time home and behind my computer, wasting my time on the internet or play games. I'm really clueless and i don't want to keep living like this.
The post is kinda big so I will seperate it a bit over time ( next time im going to talk/vent about my relationships... not that I ever had one... lol)
By the way this forum is great for relieving your feelings

Thanks for any advice


(P.S. I might have made some errors since it's not my native language)

 

[heretostay]

im sorry you're so lonely, but this a great place to start. i came here, too, when i was feeling lonely. its nice because you can say what you want (even when you're angry and pissed at the world) and its ok. so many other places dont understand how completely frustrating and demoralizing it is to be depressed and alone. so anyway...

im really sorry about your mom. i lost my dad when i was 16, so i know how hard it is to transition. i think things like that can leave one feeling lonely no matter who is around. its just a pervasive emptiness that there's no solution for.

i also had a really hard time in school. failed fourth grade, and dropped out of seventh grade (peer pressure), and failed out of college (yes, in the States after high school its called college). really awful times.

Ive always had a hard time making friends. until i found my niche. i started going to a single church club. it was really nice. the people were not always friendly, but i tried new places until i found a group of people that were good to hang out with.

and then i got married. i have no friends. in three years i havent hung out with anyone. but just this year i started making friends in some of my classes.

well, i didnt really mean to write a novel. i just wanted to say keep trying. just strike up a conversation with someone in your class. if it doesnt go well, dont get discouraged. just talk to someone else later. eventually you'll get along with someone; at least superficially and that's a start.

 

[samba101]

Yeah it's hard when your shy, I used to be as shy as they come and I wouldn't talk to people, you'd only get a few words out of me and that's it. I took the initiative to lose my shyness by actually giving myself small goals to head towards so I would be comfortable speaking with other people, at first I didn't know how to do it so I found some forums and started talking on msn just to be able to converse, 1 year later I'm not the person I used to be, (this has been a work in progress).
I was scared to start with but as I learned new skills and started mixing with other people when I went to school the fear started to subside.

Yeah being afraid of rejection can be hard it leaves you no room to grow, try keeping a journal, or a list in your head of what your afraid of and ways to overcome it, like just making small talk with your classmates can be a goal, try to remember what aspects of chatting with your classmates your comfortable doing and find more ways of doing it again, gives you confidence over time.

I've been where you have in my teenage years and it's like being stuck in a prison having nowhere to go and no one to do it with, back in my day we didn't have laptops and I think there was only Nintendo back then which we couldn't afford so I was stuck with staying in my room and listening to music as my form of entertainment or when I got older going down to the pub on a Friday night or going out clubbing with my cousin.

I'm at a loss to give you good advice as I don't exactly have a busy social life, but how about hobbies? Do you have any that would help you mix with other people, maybe playing a sport even?