not happy right now

[RebeccaSarah33]

this is just a random vent, so if you don't feel like reading a bunch of blabbing on about nothing, just skip this and read something else.

I just feel so crappy right now. I feel so lost in this world. Today started out ok/normal and it just spiraled down into this mess of unimportant nothingness. I feel like I have no money anymore. Stuff is expensive. Life is expensive. My job pays honeysuckle. I can't afford anything. This morning was ok, I got outside, went to the park and exercised. This one really fit kind of hot guy passed me in the trail 5 times... he was like speeedding LOL... it made me feel stupid like.. I'm such a fat fuddy duddy I can't run nearly that fast and probably will never be able to with my stubby legs. lol this is so unimportant, but like when you have nothing in your life... lol its like nothing is something I guess.

I felt bad for even going to the park like I shouldn't spend the gas money anymore since my hours are half of what they used to be. I should just walk where I live so that its free, but thats so boring but it'd save the little money that I have. I should walk to work... it'd take like 2 hours to get there probably, that'd be 4 hours of walking, maybe it'd slim my fat ass down. I'll probably never walk because then I'd be embarrassed of people I know seeing me. I just feel like such a stupid loser right now.

Then I got pulled over by the cops. It sucked. I got a warning for not having a front license plate because I was never given a bracket for it when I got the car, I've been driving without a front plate for over 3 years and now they catch me.. lol. I think my state must be the only one that requires a front and back license plate. I also got a repair order for my tail light. I'm glad I didn't get any tickets. lol I thought I was being pulled over because I burnt rubber coming out of a parkinglot haha because its so overly crowded that it takes ten minutes to get an opening to merge into traffic.

I got pulled over on my way to my depressing sister's house. lol. I love my sister, but the way she is now just depresses me. She never goes outside with me. She wont do anything with me. She cancels plans with me. Its because she had a kid. She wont take her kid anywhere and it depresses me. She wont even put her in the stroller and walk around the neighborhood with me. She wont take her to the park or any playground with me. She wont go shoppin with me. She wont go out to lunch with me. Its all because that child recieves no dicipline and does whatever she wants and has become too much of a handful for my sister to handle so she stays in a homemade prison of never leaving the house watching the same 10 dvds over and over and over again.. they don't have tv/cable/satellite, no tv at all. She wont even go sit out on the deck outside with me because my niece 'might' jump over the railing or some other excuse.

So... when I got there. I watched a depressing movie about food and agriculture, we are all gonna die now type movie lol. I just feel like.. so lost, I've got no one. If I went to the park tomorrow and got kidnapped in the woods.. my work would notice first... I don't know how to improve my life at all other then continue to lose weight will improve some things.. but I can't afford anything else. Now I have all these expensive car things.. in addition to the tail light, I have to buy the bracket for the license plate, and I need an oil change, and I need my tires rotated, and I need a new belt for the motor.. its just I cant afford all of this.. its creating debt because life is too expensive for the kinds of jobs avaliable to me.

School is not an option. I tried it. I failed it. Now I live with school debt for a course I failed, how wonderful. So more school will only create more debt that I cannot afford. I learned one thing from school... is that I'm a better labor worker than anything else. I'm no good at paper work, filing cabinets, desk job, paper/information organization. I am good at.. lifting, stocking, farm work, lol.. aww I just feel so depressssseeeed like theres nothing to this existence at all that means anything. I could just disappear and it wouldn't matter at all. Sorry if you sat and wasted your time with this vent of meaninglessness, I just needed to type stuff out.

 

[Remedy]

I know that life is hard right now but you just have to hold on. You shouldn't put yourself down so much for being overweight . Now I know how it feels when such a good person puts themself down like I do with myself. It's really depressing because awesome people don't deserve such put downs, especially from themself . There are guys out there who do look past weight, it's just about finding them. The only person you need to lose weight for is yourself, if it's what you really want.

I know the feeling of feeling like a loser, it's just about getting out there and trying your hardest. Something should come, you just have to wait for it. Walking to work is normal in many areas. If you felt like you wanted to, I see nothing wrong with it and I'm sure many people wouldn't.

You are going through a rough time in your life like with these expenses that keep coming up and how your sister is too busy. You don't deserve the treatment you are getting from life because you are a good person. It's just difficult to handle and seems like there is no way out but I'm sure there has to be a way out of it. Your sister should spend more time with you and I'm sorry it feels like she is neglecting you but she probably doesn't mean it. She should at least do activities that involve you and your niece.

The car trouble sounds annoying too but all I can say is hopefully everything goes fine. Everything si so expensive today and in this economy it can be really tough.

I'm sorry that school didn't go so well. Sometimes its just about trying again. It's a really tough situation to be in, though. You don't want to cause more debt but you are probably smarter and more capable then you think.

Everyone has low times but you are in a rough situation. It might seem hopeless right now but I'm sure it will pass, just keep going day by day. Try not to put yourself down so much, its really depressing . I do the same exact thing myself and I need to try and stop. I can see what people mean when they read posts of others putting themselves down, it hurts to know someone thinks that way of themself. You sound like an awesome caring individual. You deserve better then what life is giving you at the moment. I'm sure it will come some day, just keep looking.

 

[Brian]

You actually don't need the license plate bracket. Srs, just screw it in lol.


And you can actually go like, 1000 over on the oil change.

 

[coricopat]

Good vent. Hope you feel a little better now. It helps to get it out sometimes.