Pedophilia

[nerdygirl]

Good grief. People, educate yourself before you start saying crap. Being a pedophile is not the same as being a child molester!

People have zero choice about how they feel. I'm pretty sure that everybody has had at least one moment in their lives when they thought, "I'm gonna kill him/her!" but few of us have actually done it.

Personally, I think it's great that the OP is reaching out to people, and I hope that he doesn't allow the ignorance of a few to make him withdraw.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

 

[Peter Lorre]

Wow, you just quoted Star Wars in a topic on pedophilia. Awesome

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

Good grief. People, educate yourself before you start saying crap. Being a pedophile is not the same as being a child molester!

People have zero choice about how they feel. I'm pretty sure that everybody has had at least one moment in their lives when they thought, "I'm gonna kill him/her!" but few of us have actually done it.

Personally, I think it's great that the OP is reaching out to people, and I hope that he doesn't allow the ignorance of a few to make him withdraw.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

I agree COMPETELY!! Thank you =]]

Wow, you just quoted Star Wars in a topic on pedophilia. Awesome

xD best response yet!

 

[mug]

Good grief. People, educate yourself before you start saying crap. Being a pedophile is not the same as being a child molester!

People have zero choice about how they feel. I'm pretty sure that everybody has had at least one moment in their lives when they thought, "I'm gonna kill him/her!" but few of us have actually done it.

Personally, I think it's great that the OP is reaching out to people, and I hope that he doesn't allow the ignorance of a few to make him withdraw.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

I believe acting on urges were brought up by
Anon 6156:

OP by Anon: "My friend told me that I need to accept myself for what I am because it can't be helped. I am what I am and that can't be changed. She convinced me that there's nothing inherently wrong with what I am. There would only be something wrong if I acted on it, and that's what I need to focus on. I need to accept what I am and just control my actions"
(bolding above is mine mug)

Post #5 by Anon: "Secondly, in response to nerdygirl's question. I am "non-exclusive" (I think that's the proper term). Meaning I am attracted to adult women as well, and thank goodness for that. I don't know how I could possibly manage if I weren't.
(bolding above, mine, mug)

Child porn models are molestation victims. This troubled Anon 6156 too. Anon 6156 brought up that he is troubled by his actions. I got the idea Anon was not asking for help simply because of urges, but also actions (child porn) and even other potential actions. But if I am completely off base, I apologize to Anon 1656.
mug

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

That is true mug, but several people have reacted in a manner that suggested he had actually touched a child in that way, and that's what I thought of when I read nerdygirl's post.

 

[nerdygirl]

I know some people will think it's terrible for me to say this, but I'll say it anyway. I think that the creation of the child pornography is a lot worse than the viewing of it. Don't misunderstand... I'm not endorsing the viewing of child pornography. I just don't think it's right to say that somebody who watched a recording is as evil as somebody who performed the act.

It's silly that anybody has felt it necessary to say that they're against pedophilia. Nobody is pro-pedophilia... not even the pedophiles.

(Yea... I quoted Yoda. I couldn't help it. I kept thinking that people were responding with hatred as a response to fear, and that it can only lead to more unhappiness for everybody involved. And then, I heard his wise little voice in my head.)

 

[Poguesy]

Apparently collecting child pornography does not mean that they merely view pornography, but that they save it, and it comes to define, fuel, and validate their most cherished sexual fantasies.

 

[Sci-Fi]

This is a very touchy subject, which all of us have personal opinions on, but this is getting off track. The OP came here asking for help and guidance. That is the main subject of the topic. The OP have already come to a realization about how awful he felt over this and ashamed.

Let's just keep this on track, if the subject is too much for you to handle then just ignore this thread. Don't even come into it. You have the power to click or not to click. There is no debate on the subject, the OP is well aware of the ramifications. So lets just stay away from that.

So far these ideas have been very promising. But the problem I'm running into is that I spent 12 years telling myself I'm a worthless monster and that's a very deep seeded mode of thinking that I can't seem to shake. I now consciously believe I am a good person with an unfortunate mental illness that I'm capable of controlling. But emotionally, in my heart, I still feel like I'm just plain evil and for the sake of ensuring that I remain in control of myself I need to change that. How do I stop hating myself? Is it just going to take 12 more years of telling myself the opposite of what I have been?

I have some social phobias, bi-polar disorder as well as asperger's syndrome, though they tell me the asperger's is extremely mild. But in short, it's very difficult for me to get along with people and very difficult for people to get along with me. I'm not particularly pleasant, or talkative or interesting. With my friend's help I'm trying to fix these things. I've been actively trying to meet people and make friends and then I'll talk to her about the interactions I've had and describe the situation and what I said or did and she'll try and explain to me what was happening and what I should have done/said. It's extremely frustrating because I have to learn these things as this rigid set of memorized rules on how to behave and relate to people and everyone else seems to have such an elegant, fluid comprehension of the same rules without having to have any conscious awareness of them.

 

[anon6156]

Thank you. All of you. Even those of you who don't support me. You bring balance (to the force) by revealing those who do support me and how strong their support is.

It wasn't that long ago that the mere idea of talking about this with another human being was so terrifying it was totally out of the question. Now, here I am, sharing with all of you. I have to say that the amount of support I'm feeling is FAR exceeding my expectations. So again, thank you.

I'd also like to apologize for being involved in driving away Arsenic Queen. It appears that no one really blames me but I do feel partly responsible. Like EveWasFramed said, it is a shame to lose a productive member. That being said I'd like to point out, as I'm sure you've all noticed, that my username is specifically meant to be anonymous. I'm actually an existing member of this forum, though still relatively new (I've only been around about 6 months or so). I'm sorry if that's poor form but my other username is highly recognizable to anyone who knows me personally and so a simple google search of that name brings up results of posts I've made to this site. There are a few people I'm not ready to "come out" to and many many more I don't plan to ever have find out. But the point I'm trying to make is that I didn't just swoop in, scare people away and now plan to disappear into the night. I, too, am a contributing member.

Just to make it clear regarding my earlier posts, I hope I didn't make you, the OP feel bad, that was not my intent. I have every sympathy for your situation and I am in no way blaming you for Arsenic Queens departure.

Pezza, don't worry about it ^.

Apparently collecting child pornography does not mean that they merely view pornography, but that they save it, and it comes to define, fuel, and validate their most cherished sexual fantasies.

^ In response to this. From everything I've read that seems to be true of people like myself. But it's not something I practice. When I have...indulged myself....I'm always too ashamed to actually keep it, let alone catalog it like others supposedly do.

I do think that using those innocent videos as a crutch is a bad idea. It sounds worse to me than watching pornography, because you're training yourself to see children as sexy no matter what they're doing or wearing.

NerdyGirl, this ^ is the most insightful advice I've gotten yet. Exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for.

Good grief. People, educate yourself before you start saying crap. Being a pedophile is not the same as being a child molester!

People have zero choice about how they feel. I'm pretty sure that everybody has had at least one moment in their lives when they thought, "I'm gonna kill him/her!" but few of us have actually done it.

Personally, I think it's great that the OP is reaching out to people, and I hope that he doesn't allow the ignorance of a few to make him withdraw.

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

^ I never imagined a stranger would outright defend me like this. It was very moving and I just plain cried.....then I burst out laughing at the end. You've responded to several other posts of mine before and I think I'm starting to fall in love with you now. So, wonderful choice of quote, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Wise words are wise no matter where they came from.

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

You know anon, your responses make me like you more and more as a person. We all have faults. Some worse than others. But where for instance I let myself sink to permanently damaging myself and leaving blood on the walls of my grandmother's home (I tried to remove it but it's a water-based paint so I just made it hard to see... I'm sure the whole wall would glow under a UV light) and couldn't resist an urge even for the sake of self-preservation, you are resisting an urge and it is most definitely more difficult to resist, especially since many convince themselves they aren't harming themselves and only self-preserve enough to not get caught. You sir, have an extremely strong character and I respect anyone who reaches out for help, ESPECIALLY when it is revealing something so likely to bring out people's fear and anger reflexes.

=] Always here if you need to talk =]

 

[SophiaGrace]

Wow vid, I'm glad you are past that stage. *hug*

no like the thought of you hurting yourself.

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

Why do you think I'm such an advocate of Self Mutilators Anonymous? I'm not exaggerating when I say it saves lives =] xoxo ((hug)) love ya Sophaloaf

 

[SophiaGrace]

Btw anon, do you know why I said that you shouldn't watch child pornography because it'll land you in jail?

I was just giving you another reason not to do it.

The more reasons you have, the better IMO.

 

[floffyschneeman]

ALL is about people who are lonely. We each have our own reasons. Quite a few of us have some sort of emotional/mental issue. We may not all experience the same issues, but we are here to support one another and to be supported. If being here can help a person through one more day, and can help prevent one person from harming another, I'm all for it. If every person who ever had a terrible thought or desire, without acting on it, was condemned to walk alone... we'd have died out a long time ago.

I read a couple of articles yesterday saying that people who haven't acted on these urges actually shouldn't focus too much on the way victims and their families have reacted, because it triggers even more guilt for something they didn't do. More guilt leads to more self-directed negativity, which actually feeds into the drive to go out and do the thing you're trying not to do.

I do think that using those innocent videos as a crutch is a bad idea. It sounds worse to me than watching pornography, because you're training yourself to see children as sexy no matter what they're doing or wearing.

I found this on another site:

"If you find yourself attracted to children, here are some steps you must take to control yourself:

• Never allow yourself to be alone with a child, not even yours.
• Never allow yourself to dwell on erotic thoughts about children...force them out with other thoughts.
• Never allow yourself to view erotic images of anyone. Even stay away from underwear and bathing suit commercials...anything that gives you the wrong ideas.
• Never go to swimming pools, dance studios, playgrounds or anywhere else that gives you temptation.
• Never allow yourself to masturbate or to think of others while making love with your spouse.
• Find a trusted friend or family member (your spouse if married) to be accountable to. Tell them everything and ask them to keep an eye on you and confront you about this issue.

Also, I don't know if you've ever visited this site, but I thought it might have some sort of helpful information for you.
b4uact.org

I never thought of it that way, but now I am seeing your point. I just thought that it would be helpful since the OP has never indulged with his desires. Anyway, I am glad that there are people like you, Nerdy. You've said everything what most of us couldn't find the better words to say it with.


to the OP, keep doing what you are doing about finding the best way on how to cope with what you have without hurting other people and losing your morality. we're not only made of the traits we are born with but also with the choices we make on what kind of people we want to become. I admire your self control and awareness to what is right and wrong despite your urges.


Also, some people make excuses that as long as they're not doing the actual act, they're not committing crimes but the fact that you are willing to be corrected even about the things you've used to cope with your urges, shows your will to live an honest life. I wish you the best.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'd also like to apologize for being involved in driving away Arsenic Queen. It appears that no one really blames me but I do feel partly responsible. Like EveWasFramed said, it is a shame to lose a productive member.

You didn't drive anyone away - trust me.
Besides, people leave or stay as they choose.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'd also like to apologize for being involved in driving away Arsenic Queen. It appears that no one really blames me but I do feel partly responsible. Like EveWasFramed said, it is a shame to lose a productive member.

You didn't drive anyone away - trust me.
Besides, people leave or stay as they choose.

+1

Arsenic Queen made her own decisions. I think she wanted everyone to feel guilty (which is kind of manipulative IMO). Don't take that guilt on. Its not worth it.

 

[Lonely in BC]

I'd also like to apologize for being involved in driving away Arsenic Queen. It appears that no one really blames me but I do feel partly responsible. Like EveWasFramed said, it is a shame to lose a productive member.

You didn't drive anyone away - trust me.
Besides, people leave or stay as they choose.

+1

Arsenic Queen made her own decisions. I think she wanted everyone to feel guilty (which is kind of manipulative IMO). Don't take that guilt on. Its not worth it.

Kind of a cheap shot coming from you S.G.- you've been quick to defend people who's actions could potentially harm others (the OP in this case) yet unable to appreciate the reaction of someone having a valid concern that is opposite the OP's (AQ in this case).

In regards to the OP- this thread has created an awful lot of anguish for me personally. It's taken me back to my childhood when I was "put on display" a number of times for others fulfillment. It later escalated. You really don't need the details. Almost 40 years later I clearly remember the fear, embarrassment, and humiliation. Basically you've indicated that you've never acted upon your impulses, I beg to differ, viewing of those images, whether video or in person, perpetuates the cycle of child exploitation. I spent a lot of my life feeling ashamed of those events and it has cost me dearly- I have virtually no family contact, no friends from childhood, and I never go anywhere near the village I grew up in anymore- people were hurt the last time I was there and it's best that I avoid stirring that pot again.

Many regular posters on ALL (who have more compassion than I) have been quick to "side" with you and tell you that it's good you're reaching out for help. Maybe it is but I'm unable to offer you that same hospitality- my experiences just won't allow it. I'm not qualified to say you have a condition or mindset that can be changed with therapy, meds, or a self-help group. I do hope that there is something you can find to steer you away from that particular deviant behavior. More so for any possible victims than your sake.

I pray (such a funny expression since god and I have been in long disagreement) that you never act on those impulses that make you curious. My life wasn't destroyed by the actions of others but it was significantly changed, I would have loved to have known what I would have been if I hadn't grown up with a deep mistrust of people, ashamed, and very, very angry.

Phewwww, my emotions have been all over the place the last few minutes, I guess I'm glad I got that off my chest. Strange, things can be bubbling up inside for a few days and you're wondering what set it off...... I've really tried to avoid this thread as another poster had wisely suggested but like a magnet to steel......

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

I'd also like to apologize for being involved in driving away Arsenic Queen. It appears that no one really blames me but I do feel partly responsible. Like EveWasFramed said, it is a shame to lose a productive member.

You didn't drive anyone away - trust me.
Besides, people leave or stay as they choose.

+1

Arsenic Queen made her own decisions. I think she wanted everyone to feel guilty (which is kind of manipulative IMO). Don't take that guilt on. Its not worth it.

Agreed.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I disagree that it was a cheap shot, there have been other instances where that posters actions, I've felt to be manipulative. I just see no value in condemning him. He's gotten that his entire life from the entireity of society. Let's say he confessed that he has violent urges, those have victims, but you wouldn't see nearly the condemnation there as for the condition of pedophilia. Clearly he has had this since he was 14. Clearly he has steered away from the viewiewing of child pornography but still you make him feel ashamed of something he cannot change about himself (the fact that he has pedophilia). The only thing that can change is how he responds to it and that's what should be focused on.

Honestly it could've easily been you or I that developed in such a way during our pubescent years that we had to deal with feelings and thoughts like that. You act as though it is an inherent evilness whereas it seems to be a neutral, statistically random thing that happens to a person.

Oh and you know what? You aren't the only person around here that's been abused as a child. I too have been, but this thread has not triggered those feelings or memoris. Perhaps since it brings up so many unsavory memories and feelings for you shoul avoid the thread, for your own protection. Also if you feel upset, I've always heard that reminding yourself that you are not in the past anymore, and are actually somewhere else in your life, helps. Its called grounding yourself, its a technique for those that have ptsd.

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

Oh and you know what? You aren't the only person around here that's been abused as a child.

**** straight. So have I.