Personality Disorder?

[SimonT]

I'm 37, and at the moment I'm sat at my computer in my flat typing this message with a cold/flu and feeling very very lonely and depressed. I have literally 2 mates, 1 of which I play snooker with once a week or 10 days or so, another will call me occasionally. The only other person I have contact with is my dad, will do for tea once a week and text or call him occasionally.
I can't understand how I've got here to be honest. I think I have a personality disorder. Surely this isn't just anxiety/depression?
I seem to be very self focused (wouldn't say selfish but dunno), just very focused on myself all the time and feel down, but I don't mean to be this way. I perpetually feel low, empty and worthless, and have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 1998, which has gotten much worse the past 5yrs. I haven't worked (apart from voluntary work) since 2003. Since then, apart from voluntary work, I've sold The Big Issue (homeless magazine on the street) and made money busking (playing guitar and singing). I did see, end up on heroin for 10ys with a couple of clean periods and perhaps this is the reason I've become a loner type person, coz you are in an isolated group in society when you're on that. I will have been clean 3yrs in 3 months.
I'm currently seeing a counselor once a week, and she says she has to keep pulling me back, I'm very easily distracted and veer off on tangents. I just don't know, perhaps I got ADHD or is it ADD now?
I have had 2 girls delete me on Facebook and 1, I ain't the foggiest to why. 1 girl deleted me 18months ago, we were on chat and she mentioned something about cars and I was a bit blunt saying I knew nothing about cars and didn't wish to talk about them. This is the only thing I can think of as to why she deleted me. See, this is what I'm like, I feel strange sometimes, as I don't know or have interest in certain topics of conversation as I know nothing about them. i.e - Cars, Politics or Royal Family. I don't know, all's I know is I'm jobless, lifeless and feel hopeless and don't know where I'm going in life or what I want. Nobody really wants be my mate and ain't had a girlfriend in years, to be honest, I've only had very brief relationships. What is wrong with me? I also got another voluntary job a fortnight ago and on the 3rd day there I ended up walking out and made a bit of an idiot of myself. I couldn't put together a flat back table and chairs and felt worthless and stupid so I walked out saying I couldn't do it. Been tempted go back and apologise but feel embarrassed. I also can't go out drinking and socialise that way, as when I drink, I can if I'm not carefull, feel strange and have a panic attack, strange, not to mention I never got any money as I'm struggling to make ends meet on the dole.

 

[Unbinilium]

I'm 37, and at the moment I'm sat at my computer in my flat typing this message with a cold/flu and feeling very very lonely and depressed. I have literally 2 mates, 1 of which I play snooker with once a week or 10 days or so, another will call me occasionally. The only other person I have contact with is my dad, will do for tea once a week and text or call him occasionally.
I can't understand how I've got here to be honest. I think I have a personality disorder. Surely this isn't just anxiety/depression?
I seem to be very self focused (wouldn't say selfish but dunno), just very focused on myself all the time and feel down, but I don't mean to be this way. I perpetually feel low, empty and worthless, and have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 1998, which has gotten much worse the past 5yrs. I haven't worked (apart from voluntary work) since 2003. Since then, apart from voluntary work, I've sold The Big Issue (homeless magazine on the street) and made money busking (playing guitar and singing). I did see, end up on heroin for 10ys with a couple of clean periods and perhaps this is the reason I've become a loner type person, coz you are in an isolated group in society when you're on that. I will have been clean 3yrs in 3 months.
I'm currently seeing a counselor once a week, and she says she has to keep pulling me back, I'm very easily distracted and veer off on tangents. I just don't know, perhaps I got ADHD or is it ADD now?
I have had 2 girls delete me on Facebook and 1, I ain't the foggiest to why. 1 girl deleted me 18months ago, we were on chat and she mentioned something about cars and I was a bit blunt saying I knew nothing about cars and didn't wish to talk about them. This is the only thing I can think of as to why she deleted me. See, this is what I'm like, I feel strange sometimes, as I don't know or have interest in certain topics of conversation as I know nothing about them. i.e - Cars, Politics or Royal Family. I don't know, all's I know is I'm jobless, lifeless and feel hopeless and don't know where I'm going in life or what I want. Nobody really wants be my mate and ain't had a girlfriend in years, to be honest, I've only had very brief relationships. What is wrong with me? I also got another voluntary job a fortnight ago and on the 3rd day there I ended up walking out and made a bit of an idiot of myself. I couldn't put together a flat back table and chairs and felt worthless and stupid so I walked out saying I couldn't do it. Been tempted go back and apologise but feel embarrassed. I also can't go out drinking and socialise that way, as when I drink, I can if I'm not carefull, feel strange and have a panic attack, strange, not to mention I never got any money as I'm struggling to make ends meet on the dole.

Hi SimonT,
You might possibly have what is called Avoidant (Anxious) Personality Disorder*. But based on your post, I don't think that's the case. If anything, you probably just have depression and plenty of people can get out of it if they work at it.

Congrats on staying clean! If you can stay clean and away from such an addictive drug, you can also definitely get out of your state.

Footnotes
*The treatment options generally are "social skills training, cognitive therapy, exposure treatment to gradually increase social contacts, group therapy for practicing social skills". This entire forum is here to help from chatting to giving advice.

 

[Scruffy]

Sorry to hear your sad stories & that you are having a tough time. But don't worry, no matter how sad & tough time you are having, there are always someone worse than you. So please look on the bright side!
Be Optimistic!

Most importantly, make sure you get this.

< In life, No One Owe You A Living >

Not only you, but any of us, including me. No one owe us anything at all. Not even your parents. Parents are there just to help us and guide us, they don't owe us anything.

It's alright to be self-focused, some people are just borned to be that way. The reason behind all this problems might be resulted from you and not you. But it doesn't really matter. What matter most is, you have a better life than the many people outside. If you think you have personality disorder or any mental type of disorder, make sure you put effort in making friends and socialise outside. The best medicine for mental type disorder are 'socialising'.

Best go and find a job outside. Any kind of job, but for your case, it is advisable that you don't work alone. By working, you will eventually socialise & meet many new people and learn to be like them. 'Birds of the same feathers flock together' As long as you socialise with gangster, you will be one. When you socialise with drug addicts, you will eventually be an addict yourself. But when you hangout with smart fellows, you tend to be smarter. Get it? If you think you can't make friends or socialise, change your thinking, be positive, a little effort a day is a big achievement. Do it Step By Step. No one can change in a single day nor can they succeed in a day. Don't give up so easily. Be strong & bold.

It doesn't matter who unfriended you on Facebook, just ignore the reason behind the 2 girls unfriended you. You don't live your life to judge why people treat you badly or unfairly or unfriend you.

< The World is a Stage >
Many times outside, we have to act like we're on a stage performing. Many times when you act, you might be telling a lie but a little bit of lie is alright. You lie for a good intention, they're white lies. Say when you're having a conversation of a topic you don't know, just 'ACT' as if you are quite interested to know. This prompt the conversation to last longer. Although it sounded bad, but this is reality.

Being in a relationships is another stage in life & also it involve both you and your partner. If you are interested to be in a relationship, make sure you solve most of your problems first. It's never too late to get married nor being in a relationship. Besides! when it comes to true love, nothing can stop it. Even the world fattest man can get married. Even paralysed victim can get married as well. So why can't you! when you can talk, run, go online and etc. You're relatively quite healthy.

Don't feel embarrassed when you make mistakes. Make sure you learn from them. Be proud of making mistakes. If you don't make mistake, you won't really learn much things. < No One Is Perfect, No One can ever be. >

No matter what you do, make sure you start being positive minded first. Being positive minded is a package. It's like when you're involve in robbery/etc, generally you're involved in drugs and etc, They're a package, you know? Buy 1 free 1 package? So make sure you be positive! When you are positive, you will tend to see things differently. After becoming a positive thinker, slowly, your actions and words will be more positive as well. But it takes time. And of course, you can never be 100% positive thinker, No One is Perfect.

Good Luck

 

[Senamian]

ADHD is attention deficit hyperactive disorder, while ADD is different - being attention deficit disorder. ADHD is a higher extent of ADD I find.

ADHD: tend to act without thinking, they have troubles focusing and have a hard time sitting still.
ADD: They have a harder time or inability to keep their focus, and cannot concentrate on one task.

You have neither of those, by what you have mentioned.

You're just feeling down in the dumps.

Don't let Facebook become life. Seriously. It's lame. Lamer than actual life.

How come you do not have a job? Is it the economy in your area? Or how you feel about the job? OR is it how you feel about yourself at that job? Do NOT be afraid to admit you do not know what to do... How will you learn otherwise? When you are new to something, let them know. Then they can help you out, and you get to learn something new AND feel good being able to do it.