Rant about my insecurities

[Ak5]

This has been bugging me for a while now, and I just need to rant it out.

I thought I've changed. I thought I've increased my self-esteem and confidence. But from the looks of it, I think I still have some insecurities that I need to deal with. One of the main things bugging me is my intelligence. It is literally the only thing that keeps me going. Having no friends and a boring life; my intelligence is literally the only thing that at the end of the day I can say to myself "those people have friends, girlfriends, and have a fun life, I have none, but at least I have my intelligence". Yet recently I am feeling like my intelligence is "lesser", so to say, than your average 16-year old.

Instead of playing video games, I spend some of my time learning (by choice!). I've always been a top-tier student, throughout Elementary and Middle School I've always received praise for my academic work; won the science award, won medals, was at the top of my class, always did my work, and was a favorite of all my teachers. Now that I'm homeschooled, I study by myself and learn by myself; so I have the ability to study a lot more than at school. Ever since I've been homeschooled and started learning by myself I gained a lot of knowledge about law, medicine, history, politics, physics, and such. Yet since I am not in school, I don't know if my knowledge is "up-to-par" to the education other 16-year olds are getting. Hell, I feel like I won't even be able to finish college, let alone get accepted into one! I feel like it'll be impossible for me to get into college.

What makes me feel worse is that I thought I was improving on my self-confidence, but from the looks of it, I still feel inferior! Anyway, I just hope that when I get back to school and finally have friends, my confidence level would boost up.

And that's my rant. Feeling a bit relieved after writing that all down.

 

[Barbaloot]

I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Don't doubt yourself.

 

[Mikey193]

Lol calm down I told you many times. Your a normal 16 year old kid. You just had a bad experience in school. When you get back you'll make your friends and you won't think about this anymore

 

[Fvantom]

trust me, youre fine, the public schools are messed up, if can walk erect, youre more than up to par with the other high school kids today XD

 

[Lonely in BC]

If I had a fraction of the brains at 16 that you've shown here I would have had the world by the balls. One of the hardest things to overcome is comparing yourself to others- if you keep doing it there will always be someone who is smarter, better looking, wealthier, etc.- it simply doesn't matter.

As a side note, my personal feeling is that the educational system has gone to honeysuckle. I learned bugger all in school (it was a hostile environment for me), most of my education is due to my love of reading and learning on my own.

I'm not intending to slight educators personally, the system fails you as well.

 

[Callie]

I think no matter what you do and no matter how "normal" or up to par you are with others, you'll always have doubts and insecurities about yourself. I think that's true for everyone, actually. What's most important is that you not let those insecurities stop you from going forward, don't let them stop you from doing what you have to do, doing what you need to do.
Public schools aren't all that great, so I'm sure you'll be just fine.

 

[Ak5]

Thanks guys, it's difficult to deal with on a daily basis. Thanks for listening.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You have a lot of faith in the public school education system, lol. So you spend your free time educating yourself beyond what the average 16 year old high school student learns, and feel "lesser"? You are ahead of the curve and you know that.

 

[Mikey193]

and you dumb lol not even a little. your one of the smartest kids i know <3

 

[Felix]

 

[Ak5]

Lol! Thanks Felix.

 

[frey12]

Odds are if you were going to public school education it would be inferior to home school. If your parents are religious nuts, then it is probably inferior to public school. You seem like you are preparing to be slaved out to a job with all your success in academia. Hopefully you will use college to expand your horizons. Make your dreams now, and groom yourself to accomplish them in college.

 

[ajdass1]

To me the important thing isn't your intelligence... it's the fact that you're working really hard, and you're self-initiating. That shows character... the fact that you're smart is a bonus. I have no doubt you'll excel when you go back to school. In fact I think you'll KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS BRO!

 

[Mikey193]

Your def gonna wreck honeysuckle in school no doubt. I'm proud of you Phil i told you that before I think haha. I can't wait till you start school back up