Ak5
Well-known member
This has been bugging me for a while now, and I just need to rant it out.
I thought I've changed. I thought I've increased my self-esteem and confidence. But from the looks of it, I think I still have some insecurities that I need to deal with. One of the main things bugging me is my intelligence. It is literally the only thing that keeps me going. Having no friends and a boring life; my intelligence is literally the only thing that at the end of the day I can say to myself "those people have friends, girlfriends, and have a fun life, I have none, but at least I have my intelligence". Yet recently I am feeling like my intelligence is "lesser", so to say, than your average 16-year old.
Instead of playing video games, I spend some of my time learning (by choice!). I've always been a top-tier student, throughout Elementary and Middle School I've always received praise for my academic work; won the science award, won medals, was at the top of my class, always did my work, and was a favorite of all my teachers. Now that I'm homeschooled, I study by myself and learn by myself; so I have the ability to study a lot more than at school. Ever since I've been homeschooled and started learning by myself I gained a lot of knowledge about law, medicine, history, politics, physics, and such. Yet since I am not in school, I don't know if my knowledge is "up-to-par" to the education other 16-year olds are getting. Hell, I feel like I won't even be able to finish college, let alone get accepted into one! I feel like it'll be impossible for me to get into college.
What makes me feel worse is that I thought I was improving on my self-confidence, but from the looks of it, I still feel inferior! Anyway, I just hope that when I get back to school and finally have friends, my confidence level would boost up.
And that's my rant. Feeling a bit relieved after writing that all down.
I thought I've changed. I thought I've increased my self-esteem and confidence. But from the looks of it, I think I still have some insecurities that I need to deal with. One of the main things bugging me is my intelligence. It is literally the only thing that keeps me going. Having no friends and a boring life; my intelligence is literally the only thing that at the end of the day I can say to myself "those people have friends, girlfriends, and have a fun life, I have none, but at least I have my intelligence". Yet recently I am feeling like my intelligence is "lesser", so to say, than your average 16-year old.
Instead of playing video games, I spend some of my time learning (by choice!). I've always been a top-tier student, throughout Elementary and Middle School I've always received praise for my academic work; won the science award, won medals, was at the top of my class, always did my work, and was a favorite of all my teachers. Now that I'm homeschooled, I study by myself and learn by myself; so I have the ability to study a lot more than at school. Ever since I've been homeschooled and started learning by myself I gained a lot of knowledge about law, medicine, history, politics, physics, and such. Yet since I am not in school, I don't know if my knowledge is "up-to-par" to the education other 16-year olds are getting. Hell, I feel like I won't even be able to finish college, let alone get accepted into one! I feel like it'll be impossible for me to get into college.
What makes me feel worse is that I thought I was improving on my self-confidence, but from the looks of it, I still feel inferior! Anyway, I just hope that when I get back to school and finally have friends, my confidence level would boost up.
And that's my rant. Feeling a bit relieved after writing that all down.
