Relationship in a different way....

[Black Sabbath]

Not sure how to explain this but... i have read a lot of posts on this part of the forum and it's about people wanting relationships, i want out of mine as it is making me more lonely everyday, i've been with the same guy for 20 yrs and it is him that is making me lonely, he doesn't like me having friends, i can only go for a night out with him, if i do manage to find a friend which is very rare he always causes problems so i lose them, i did have the chance to leave him a few weeks but 2 of my kids would not leave and i could not leave them, they mean the world to me, they are the only reason i haven't topped myself by now to be honest!
I do not work so i cannot find friends that way, he always makes an eccuse for me not to work so i have always got to ask for money it's like his hold over me!
So being in a relationship doesn't always stop you feeling lonely it sometimes can make it worse!

 

[*The Cursed One*]

I'm still young so am not claiming to be too experienced with relationships, but from your description your guy sounds insecure and quite controlling. And its his behaviour that is a detriment to your happiness.

I was in a relationship a couple of years ago with a girl who had similar traits to your man - she didn't like me conversing with other girls (namely female friends whom I'd known longer than the girlfriend), she hated me going out anywhere because she thought I was "abandoning her" or would meet another girl, and - this was the worst - she would complain whenever I wanted to catch some sleep for the night because she preferred that I stayed up until dawn talking to her on the phone or via instant messenger The relationship didn't last long - few months.

Your guy seems to be causing all these problems for you, and you deserve a lot better than that. I know thats easier said than done because of your kids; hopefully someone more experienced than me can provide advice in that area.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was in a relationship of 12 years that was sort of simular. She became very controling, manipulative.
Yeap...slowly I got isolated. I was a very out going person prior to meeting her. For a the first couple
of years it seem fine. Slow...my friends were made un-welcome in our home or there would sometype
of dramma..Not only did I felt lonely...I was alone (yet I was in a relationship).
Finacially I was independent of her. We went through several saperations. She knew where I lived, where I work.
She used a lot of guilt, shame, sex against me...I lost count of the many times she threaten to kill herself.
Mentally and emotionally I was very torn.

Even my friends had to give me a new life..I had to relocate to a different town and a different employment.
I kept going back to her over and over again. Things would be okay for a little while...then it got worst and worst.
I was in a cycle of a very toxic relationship..I didn't even know the term toxic relationship was. And i didn't even
know what the cycle was...

She relasped into her alcoholism and it got very, very bad. I didn't want her to died...
I lost myself in all of that. It took everything out of me.

Alot of my guilt and shame stems from the way I treated my ex-wf.
I bascailly over looked or gave my ex-gf a free pass to a lot of unhealthy behaviors.
I was trying to make up whatever hurt and pains I caused my ex-wf through my ex-gf.

That's how I ended up here. It's been more than a year since we broke up...and for a while I struggle with closure
of that relationship...I got better and better everyday.

I ran into her a couple of nights ago....She's like a stranger to me now. I looked at her right in the eyes and there was no feelings there...nothing absolutely nothing.
That's a lot of progress for me. I used to get very sick and my body would actaully go into a sort of fever when I was
around her. I felt very bad about myself being around her.

Mentally and emotionally I was very torn. I couldn't focus and was in fog. I actaully had PTSD living with her.
I knew I wasn't well. I did a lot of reserch on co-dependency and spoke to people that had gone through simular circumstance.
It was sort of weird the read some of the literatures....becasue it was as if someone wrote exactly what I epxerinced or went through.
It also gave me salutions..It wasn't the easiest thing in the world...Never the less it gave me a way out of the living hell.

I have friends in my life today...Those friends were in my life before I got involved with her.
My friends are very supportive and care for me. They nevered judged me.
I'm grateful I have friends like them in my life today.
Plus..I've been able to make contact with my ex-wf. Made my amends to her. Make it right...get squard with her.
There's been a lot of healing between her and I. This too, I'm very, very grateful for.
I'm sort of single today. I don't feel alone, lonely or isolated today. Which is kind if ironic..lol
Who would have thought...being in a relationship that I would feel lost, lonely and alone.
Being single that i would feel free and loved.

 

[Steel]

(((Black Sabbath)))

I think you already know that your husband is manipulative, but I can understand (been there!) how having children can complicate matters. I don't have much to add to the hug above, but feel free to message me any time.