settling

[shawn81]

I was chatting with a friend of mine. He (unlike me) is very good with women, a womanizer of sorts.

He told me that I shouldn't feel bad about not having a girl now the girl I want will come. He continued, "in all my relationships there is quite a few times I've settled because I wanted something then instead of something good"

I feel this is good advice. I think though that maybe true, what if you didn't give that person who could have been perfect for you a chance and now your settling for the lesser?

Kind of confusing lol but just a thought.

 

[shadetree]

Wow there is somebody else from the southeast Us on here. **** lol. I thought i was the only southerner who owned a computer.....woohoo!

I think a lot of times its best not to dwell on it too much and just kind of let things happen as they may. Because heres what ive learned about people through the years, especially in a relationship. It takes time to really get to know a person and you go through whats called the honeymoon phase where people put their best foot forward so to speak and you only see the best parts of their personalities. So in order to truly know somebody you gotta be with them a while. So that person you think might be perfect, might all be due to them putting up a front but you wont know until youre with them a while. Whereas that person you think might not be all that good ends up having a lot of qualities you come to really appreciate as the years roll by.

Ill tell you another secret too about your friend and guys like that, and dont worry i havent learned to do this yet either lol, not that i need to now because im married and dont wanna die *cough*. But the reason your friend is so good with women is because of one simple thing confidence. If you can build that up youll attract people in droves. Friends, dates, everything. Its all about positive energy.

Thats why it seems like women always like ********, its not that they like ******** its that they really appreciate and seek out confidence. Not that i am in anyway shape or form an expert on women but i genuinely believe that to be true.

 

[Tiina63]

The problems I see with settling are that:
1. How would you bring the subject up with the other person? What if they genuinely saw me as 'the one' while I was settling? Or what if I saw them as 'the one' and then found they were settling for me? Or if we both agree we are settling, would there be a depressing air of resignation hanging over our heads? Or would the fact we are settling be something hidden?
2. The week after the wedding you might meet someone who sets your heart alight.
On the other hand:
1. Being alone can be very lonely and even if deep love is not there, someone you get along well with and like can be far better than being alone.
2. The older I get, the more I think of settling as an option.

 

[AspiringCatLady]

I would never see settling as being a good option, I feel i've done it in the past and it hasn't done me any favours in the long run. To me, I would rather be single than be in a relationship which is less than the best I could hope for. And I'd hate it if someone felt like they were 'settling' for me, I wanted to be someone's pot of gold at the end of a rainbow! But alas it's not to be so we won't even go there.

As for your friend OP if he's a womanizer then that's not the sort of guy who is going to win out over everyone else. He might think he has a way with the ladies, but the older you get, the more women can see through the act. Women don't like ******** any more than they don't like guys who are too much the good guy. What we want is a balance - someone who's deep down a good guy, but isn't a pushover with it, and who has an air of fun and cheekiness (not bullsh1t) about them. Does that make sense?

 

[shawn81]

The problems I see with settling are that:
1. How would you bring the subject up with the other person? What if they genuinely saw me as 'the one' while I was settling? Or what if I saw them as 'the one' and then found they were settling for me? Or if we both agree we are settling, would there be a depressing air of resignation hanging over our heads? Or would the fact we are settling be something hidden?
2. The week after the wedding you might meet someone who sets your heart alight.
On the other hand:
1. Being alone can be very lonely and even if deep love is not there, someone you get along well with and like can be far better than being alone.
2. The older I get, the more I think of settling as an option.

I understand what you mean. Sometimes the pure loneliness can be worse that settling. And a little companionship, albeit not your choice, would help. And who's to say you Don't grow on them.

---

Wow there is somebody else from the southeast Us on here. **** lol. I thought i was the only southerner who owned a computer.....woohoo!

I think a lot of times its best not to dwell on it too much and just kind of let things happen as they may. Because heres what ive learned about people through the years, especially in a relationship. It takes time to really get to know a person and you go through whats called the honeymoon phase where people put their best foot forward so to speak and you only see the best parts of their personalities. So in order to truly know somebody you gotta be with them a while. So that person you think might be perfect, might all be due to them putting up a front but you wont know until youre with them a while. Whereas that person you think might not be all that good ends up having a lot of qualities you come to really appreciate as the years roll by.

Ill tell you another secret too about your friend and guys like that, and dont worry i havent learned to do this yet either lol, not that i need to now because im married and dont wanna die *cough*. But the reason your friend is so good with women is because of one simple thing confidence. If you can build that up youll attract people in droves. Friends, dates, everything. Its all about positive energy.

Thats why it seems like women always like ********, its not that they like ******** its that they really appreciate and seek out confidence. Not that i am in anyway shape or form an expert on women but i genuinely believe that to be true.

Go SE! I do show alot of positive energy, but I also have my days where I am just so down I want to be alone. I've been a pro wrestler for 4 years and if there's one thing I've learn it's how to mask myself to crowds of people and provoke feelings.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well I will applaud your friend for being honest with you. I guess at the end of the day as long as you are attracted enough to the female who cares if she will one day meet a more attractive male and dump you right?

 

[Triple Bogey]

So I should go out with someone who gets on my nerves ?
I think it's rubbish myself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well, I suppose it would depend on what kind of "settling" you are doing. If you just go out with a girl that you don't think meets your "standards," I don't see anything wrong with that, as you don't really know the girl yet. So, it's not really settling so much as giving someone a chance.

However, if you just go out with and stay in a long relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship when you don't really like the girl, then it's likely not something you should be doing, IMO.

 

[Tiina63]

So I should go out with someone who gets on my nerves ?
I think it's rubbish myself.

No, of course you shouldn't do this. To me settling simply means being with someone you get along well with and share the same values with etc but whom you may not love and who may not love you. More of a companionship situation rather than a love match.

 

[chrish]

At the end of the day, there isn't a 'one', there are lots of 'ones' in the world, if you find one and everything fits do whatever you can to keep her or him, and remember, you didn't just choose them, they chose you too

 

[Triple Bogey]

So I should go out with someone who gets on my nerves ?
I think it's rubbish myself.

No, of course you shouldn't do this. To me settling simply means being with someone you get along well with and share the same values with etc but whom you may not love and who may not love you. More of a companionship situation rather than a love match.

well okay, I see no problem with that.