Sex Warning

[StarvingZombie]

Don't tell it's going to be 'special' with your spouse after having 50+ previous partners.

Marriages last due to mutual understanding/interests/goals (the mind), not because sex is special. When you have the prior sex is just the lovely dessert (not the main course).

The predominance of couples that get divorced because the sex was bad are couples that didn't have sex prior.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People that want to have sex, should have sex. Don't make it into a competition.

 

[ucxb]

Very interesting "warning" ... I say that one should use protection, get tested for STD(s) and ASK the other if they have been tested too! Just my simple & short "warning" or advice rather for Sex Ed 101

 

[Walley]

I think maybe we all aren't on the same page here..
the OP was referring to sex before marriage I thought. but many are commenting on it as casual sex, or sex with a partner that you have no emotional attachment with.
My opinion was based on pre-marital sex rather than random orgy style sex.
it isn't all black and white.
marriage is just a religious ceremony. its just a way of making your relationship officially and legally exclusive.
so to me, married or not makes little actual difference. it's really about monogamy.
the argument about casual sex or intimate relations with a stranger or someone that you hold no feelings for, is another debate altogether.
it is not only unhealthy and risky behavior, but also unhealthy mentally and psychologically and can lead to emotional disorders, or magnify existing ones.

 

[Batman55]

fine if that's your choice.

But I don't think it's healthy.

Don't tell it's going to be 'special' with your spouse after having 50+ previous partners.

I'm not referring to just having sex with anyone you fancy or just anyone who fancies you. I'm talking about it with either your beau, or someone you know, respect, and have become friends with.

Having it with someone you don't know at all and/or someone you would never be friends with, well I would say that's unhealthy enough it could possibly cause a mental health problem.

 

[9006]

fine if that's your choice.

But I don't think it's healthy.

Don't tell it's going to be 'special' with your spouse after having 50+ previous partners.

Having 50+ partners is irrelevant, it's about how you feel about the person you're having sex WITH (& vice-versa) that matters. Just because you've had sex before doesn't mean it can't be special the next time.

 

[Edward W]

fine if that's your choice.

But I don't think it's healthy.

Don't tell it's going to be 'special' with your spouse after having 50+ previous partners.

Having 50+ partners is irrelevant, it's about how you feel about the person you're having sex WITH (& vice-versa) that matters. Just because you've had sex before doesn't mean it can't be special the next time.

I've had lots of burgers, but I enjoy each one, yum yum.

If that person is special to you, then it will be special no matter (as 9006 said)

Also, are you saying that if you have sex 50+ times with your partner it will then become nothing special? Surely it's the same principle?

'Shall we?'

'Suppose so, nothing on telly.'

 

[Drew88]

I'm am going to add this. Though I have meant what I said in my OP, it will not stop me from seeking or taking part in intimate relations. I'm an intimate guy and a big believer in living life as natural as it may come. To have self disciple yes, but not to rob myself of life experiences. Positive of negative. "I am going to drink to see what its like to get drunk even if I am a sick dog afterwards" <---an example.

 

[Batman55]

I'm am going to add this. Though I have meant what I said in my OP, it will not stop me from seeking or taking part in intimate relations. I'm an intimate guy and a big believer in living life as natural as it may come. To have self disciple yes, but not to rob myself of life experiences. Positive of negative. "I am going to drink to see what its like to get drunk even if I am a sick dog afterwards" <---an example.

Yes to this, especially for those of us--including myself--who've never "done that." Because if you never take any chances, then time will still pass and at a certain point, you invite the chance that you'll never have such an experience at all. With me the problem is not that I believe I must wait until marriage or until I find the "right one," it's just plain inaction and lack of confidence, and it doesn't help that I avoid most social situations these days.

However I don't judge anyone who wants to keep waiting and hoping they'll find the right person, or wait till marriage... of course I can respect such a choice.

 

[ardour]

Also, are you saying that if you have sex 50+ times with your partner it will then become nothing special? Surely it's the same principle?

It's established fact that the brain produces hormones associated with bonding during and after sex. That's going to be dulled via repetition with different individuals. In other words a long string of partners reduces the intensity of bonding. Then there's the baggage, STDs, the moral hypocrisy of having meaningless encounters until 'someone special' comes along. All in all, I'd say much is lost by playing the field and no amount of "fun" is going to make up for that.

 

[murmi97]

That's going to be dulled via repetition with different individuals. In other words a long string of partners reduces the intensity of bonding.

Is that an established fact? If so, when and by who?

 

[Walley]

I think it's more of a personal opinion or view.
sort of how some people feel that you can only love one person, without taking into consideration the varying degrees of love as well as the different types of relationships.

 

[lostatsea]

You know. I've come to realize that a large part of my loneliness is based on sex. Most people are extremely nervous about sex when they are virgins. It's a huge deal. Many have that traditional value that sex should be special, and mean something. At least for their first. They think it's good to wait at least a little while. But often you see that thought process change as they get into their first relationship

Sex can empower you. I've seen it turn a social awkward girl, who was nervous around guys, a little insecure in herself, change into a self-assured aggressive woman. Nothing can make you confident in your body than seeing guys grovel at it completely naked. Once you go up to a guy, aggressively pursue him for a one night stand, and succeed, you'll gain so much confidence. All your fear will be gone. You'll have no problem going up to anyone in any situation, just to say hi and become friends.

 

[9006]

It's established fact that the brain produces hormones associated with bonding during and after sex. That's going to be dulled via repetition with different individuals. In other words a long string of partners reduces the intensity of bonding. Then there's the baggage, STDs, the moral hypocrisy of having meaningless encounters until 'someone special' comes along. All in all, I'd say much is lost by playing the field and no amount of "fun" is going to make up for that.

There's going to be a varying degree of this, if something's 'fact' does not mean it's a constant. People will experience different (if any) levels of this and not all scenarios are the same. It's very common that people in casual sexual relationships develop strong feelings for one another that weren't there in the first place.

 

[ardour]

Sex can empower you. I've seen it turn a social awkward girl, who was nervous around guys, a little insecure in herself, change into a self-assured aggressive woman. Nothing can make you confident in your body than seeing guys grovel at it completely naked. Once you go up to a guy, aggressively pursue him for a one night stand, and succeed, you'll gain so much confidence. All your fear will be gone.

Requiring sex to "empower" oneself is a sign of deeper insecurities.

Women who do this are likely to end up damaged and even more insecure than when they began.



That and I think it's inherently dodgy for a guy to offer this sort of advice. You are a dude, right? A man who might happen to benefit from low self-esteem women "expressing themselves" this way.

 

[lostatsea]

Sex can empower you. I've seen it turn a social awkward girl, who was nervous around guys, a little insecure in herself, change into a self-assured aggressive woman. Nothing can make you confident in your body than seeing guys grovel at it completely naked. Once you go up to a guy, aggressively pursue him for a one night stand, and succeed, you'll gain so much confidence. All your fear will be gone.

Requiring sex to "empower" oneself is a sign of deeper insecurities.

Women who do this are likely end up damaged and even more insecure than when they began.

---

Who said sex is required to empower you? I said it can empower you. Also once the fear is gone, it's gone. Knowing you are able to do something gives you confidence, whether you ever do it or not.

 

[Sterling]

Using sex to empower yourself is a pretty stupid idea personally. I think of it as a prostitute's job but, instead of doing it for the money, you're doing it for the power over the opposite sex(or same sex, if that's what you prefer). If you think differently, that's fine. On that note though, men groveling at my body would only make me creeped the fresia out and confident in the idea that I need pepper spray. STRONG pepper spray.

 

[lostatsea]

I don't know. I feel like sex shames a lot of people. It's taboo to many, intimidating to others, and a huge part of an intimate relationship. I look at it more in the sense of confidence building, than a megalomaniac stripper sense of power over men. Removing the barriers of yet another thing that people fear and holds them down. Being comfortable in one's own skin in a sense.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Is this one of those 'don't do what I did' things? I can't stand that bullshit. It's narcissistic and self important.

 

[Drew88]

Is this one of those 'don't do what I did' things? I can't stand that bullshit. It's narcissistic and self important.

"Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it"