So I've dated since I was about 19 then completely stopped when I was 21 because I was having the worst time with the guys I chose to date. Then I tried again at 23 with this one guy who was seriously disturbed but I was so desperate I ignored all the red flags. I've dated 2 more guys since then but the wrong ones and now I'm 27 still never having been in a relationship. I feel like I have no idea how it happens. Every time is think I can have that with someone things go wrong or I realize this guy isn't going to make me happy. I don't know what I'm doing. I want to experience this so bad that I think I'm still falling for the wrong people. I believe I've gotten better but how could I if I still can't find someone who will give me what I want. Maybe I'm so used to not being with someone that I'll always find a way to ruin things or I'm seriously just messed up. That's the thing, I don't know and it makes me feel crazy. I feel like if given the chance I would be an amazing girlfriend. Like I have so much love to give as cheesy as that sounds but can't find anyone who makes me feel like they truly care about me. There's a guy I'm talking to now but we haven't met yet and he's really sweet but whenever I'm upset over something he doesn't seem to want to make an effort to cheer me up. He just tells me I'm making too big a deal about something and I shouldn't be upset. I guess I just haven't found anyone willing to out up with my crazy side, haha. I honestly feel like it would be worth it because I can be very sweet. I haven't "been" with anyone in almost 5 years and I'm worried that it's been so long I'm too scared to let it happen again. I'm so terrified of feeling used or making a mistake that I'll always figure out a way to ruin things for myself whether it's letting insecurities ruin a relationship or picking the wrong people to date.
Omg I wasn't even planning on writing all this. My school semester just started and I can't be so focused on this when I have so much school work. When I get sad over something like this it completely consumes me. Because I'm like that I'm thinking of cutting things off with this guy. Probably best to do it now and not wait till mid-terms or something when it can affect my grades. I'm an extremely sensitive and emotional person and sometimes I really wish I wasn't. Since I'm that way I would never be capable of casual dating or anything. Wish I was it would make things easier.... I hope no one read all that, haha. I'm okay though just lonely in that area. Also I can't believe I wrote all of this from my phone.... I just really needed to vent about this.
Omg I wasn't even planning on writing all this. My school semester just started and I can't be so focused on this when I have so much school work. When I get sad over something like this it completely consumes me. Because I'm like that I'm thinking of cutting things off with this guy. Probably best to do it now and not wait till mid-terms or something when it can affect my grades. I'm an extremely sensitive and emotional person and sometimes I really wish I wasn't. Since I'm that way I would never be capable of casual dating or anything. Wish I was it would make things easier.... I hope no one read all that, haha. I'm okay though just lonely in that area. Also I can't believe I wrote all of this from my phone.... I just really needed to vent about this.