The dreaded question: "What do you do?"

[ThinkPositive]

Why is it that "what do you do?" is one of the first questions people ask when they first meet you? It wouldn't be so bad if they meant it more generally, but it usually means "what do you do for work?"

I'm basically unemployed right now, working a customer service-type job very part-time, and my unemployment is not something I particularly want to discuss with someone I'd just met. Yet, it happens all the time, which immediately a) makes me uncomfortable and awkward since obviously this is not the best confidence-building question b) puts the conversation in a negative direction where we once again discuss the state of the economy, when I'd rather be talking about something more fun.

Actually, even when I *am* employed, the "what do you do?" question doesn't say anything about the kind of person I am, so it's unfortunate that this is one of the first things people want to know about you (and that's the royal "you").

If someone want to get to know me, they should be asking me about my many hobbies and interests, or my volunteer activities, or just what do I do for fun?

I know, I know...I should just learn to be able to say clear and confidently, "I'm currently looking for work, but in the meantime I'm enjoying my summer with all the free time I have!" (which can then lead to "oh, like what?"), or even "I'm currently looking for work...my skills are X, Y, and Z, do you know of any job opportunities?"

...but you know, easier said than done. I usually end up mumbling sheepishly.

 

[edgecrusher]

i know what you mean. i hate when i get asked that too. when i tell them i just work part time at blockbuster they always ask why i dont have another job or why am i not going to school. that always makes it akward.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can't stand that. Not because I don't work, but because I don't ask people that right away. I don't like people in my business like that. And what makes me hate it even more, is when I say I don't have a job. Some people just assume I'm lazy and don't do honeysuckle. If taking care of people in my household is lazy, then I'm the laziest person in the world.

I also don't like the "Do you study?" question. No. I hate school. I'm not in it. Don't ask me.


*sigh* :club:

 

[edgecrusher]

I can't stand that. Not because I don't work, but because I don't ask people that right away. I don't like people in my business like that. And what makes me hate it even more, is when I say I don't have a job. Some people just assume I'm lazy and don't do honeysuckle. If taking care of people in my household is lazy, then I'm the laziest person in the world.

I also don't like the "Do you study?" question. No. I hate school. I'm not in it. Don't ask me.


*sigh* :club:

exactly. i never really ask people what they do because i dont really care. for the most part their random little job doesnt make them who they are. if i befriend them and keep up with them then ill find out eventually. also i hated school, why would i want to go again? and this time i would have to pay for it, lol.

 

[Spare]

I know exactly what you mean. I've been in the same poorly funded boat for a while now, and it's embarrassing. My collegiate pursuits have helped defer some of the awkwardness of the question, but even that has gotten tiresome. Every time someone asks me what I do and I say I'm going to college, I end up having to go into the same drawn out explanation, because the inevitable follow-up question is "what made you decide to go back to school?"

Ugh.

 

[Nina]

One of my buddies was out of work a while back and whenever someone asked her that question she would pass it off by saying, "Work, schmurk...Let's talk about something...I actually like" and just forge ahead with whatever fun stuff she was doing. It bugged her to no end too that folks sort of measure you by your employment...It is sad, because a lot of us are more interesting than our jobs...
((ThinkPositive)) I hope you find a job you like soon.

---

I can't stand that. Not because I don't work, but because I don't ask people that right away. I don't like people in my business like that. And what makes me hate it even more, is when I say I don't have a job. Some people just assume I'm lazy and don't do honeysuckle. If taking care of people in my household is lazy, then I'm the laziest person in the world.

I also don't like the "Do you study?" question. No. I hate school. I'm not in it. Don't ask me.


*sigh* :club:

I never worked as hard at ANY job as I did raising my 2 kids...

 

[JamaisVu]

I hate that question too. Half the time if I go shopping on a weekday the clerk will make some remark that assumes I must have the day off work, and so I feel compelled to explain, etc. I never know how to answer, and it's always asked by someone who is basically a stranger. Dental assistants ask this alot too.

My safe response is to say that I help my husband with programming, and we work from home. It's not something I do daily though. The honest response is that I don't need to work a 9 to 5 job. I have alot of freedom. But that might come across as snooty, so I don't say it.

I also do a fair bit of 'work' in the sense of studying or doing household chores, but I'm sure that from the perspective of anyone else I do nothing. When I do help with professional work, it's done under my husband's name. He is self-employed and his clients don't care if he uses a subcontractor as long as the work is done. I manage our stocks, but those are also under his name at his bank. When we relocate I am the one who researches everything and handles it, when we travel I am the one who plans it, if the house needs to be cleaned then it's me who does it. If my husband decides he wants me to study something in particular so I can help him in the future, then I do it. We have the freedom to live where we want, and travel where we want, because at the moment neither of us is tied down to any particular location. But I don't work a 9 to 5 job, and it reflects badly on my character, especially since I don't have kids. I imagine most think I am dumb, lazy, or a golddigger. I don't care I suppose, I am who I am. Really I just managed to fall into this lifestyle, I'd always imagined myself as a career woman actually. So I do have my regrets about going down this path, it's got benefits and drawbacks.

My lifestyle is just too odd for me to want to describe it, in detail, to someone who is a stranger though. It seems to be the most popular smalltalk topic.

 

[septicemia]

Wow you all live around some really nosey people! I dont think that question has ever been brought up in a regular conversation that I have had.

 

[eris]

When someone I barely knows me asks me what I do I tell them that I masturbate animals for the sperm samples.

 

[ThinkPositive]

when i tell them i just work part time at blockbuster they always ask why i dont have another job or why am i not going to school. that always makes it akward.

Wow...that is so presumptuous!! At least no one ever pulls that on me. Thankfully, I have a bad economy to blame, lots of people don't have jobs, etc. I mean, not that it makes the conversation any more pleasant.

As for the question of school, that's the other question I do get asked, too. I did finish my BA 5 years ago, but then that's awkward for a couple reasons. People think I'm like 20, so then they look at me embarrassed/strange while they try to reassess how old I am. And, it still leads to the inevitable follow-up employment question, to which I feel even more sheepish telling them I'm having a hard time even though I have a degree. 'Can't win!

One of the most awkward moments I had recently was when I was picking up my lunch. The lady was trying to make small talk and said, "Are your classes all done for the summer?" I panicked -- I was a bit taken aback by her complete assumption that I was a student, and what would be a normal answer would be "No, I'm working now" except I wasn't working either. Here I was, just wanting my lunch! I just mumbled some words that may or may not have been a coherent sentence and ran away with my food.

 

[nerdygirl]

I dunno. I ask all of my clients that question. Though I generally assume that somebody blowing $70 on an hour of being rubbed is probably employed.

 

[ThinkPositive]

I dunno. I ask all of my clients that question. Though I generally assume that somebody blowing $70 on an hour of being rubbed is probably employed.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that by "rubbed," you mean you give massages for a living, and not...anything else.

 

[jjam]

I don't get questions about me outside of my co-workers. When I interact with people, it's usually because I require their service (like being at a store, going to the bank, or paying a bill). I have just about no social life that contributes to any degree of happiness that exists inside of me.

I will say that I get questions from co-workers that I have zero interest in anwering, even if it's harmless. I do wonder what's wrong with me to not want to answer these questions. I think there's this suspicion I have that they're not asking these questions for the sake of a growing friendship, but because they'd like to feel like they have something on me that they can SOMEHOW use to feel better about themselves or maybe make a joke out of (with me being the butt of it) someday. Maybe there's something wrong with me for feeling that way, or maybe that's not a far fetched idea at all. And the idea of that is one that irks me about people, which is why I often refuse to give them an answer. The refusal doesn't come in a rude form, I think.

 

[Cereal]

I also hate "What do you do?" being a primary question for some people. It's like, okay let's cut to the chase, I'm not interested in who you are as a person, what you enjoy doing in your spare time, what music you like, yours views on the world, your beliefs, anything. I just want to know how much you are earning and what you're doing to earn that money.

 

[Badjedidude]

I see it very differently from the rest of you, I guess.

I tend to ask, "What do you do?" when I meet someone for the first time, and here's why: The person's response can tell me a lot about their personality. See, I hold to the weird belief that most people (including myself) don't know themselves as much as they think they do. Sure, a person can tell you all about what they FEEL are their personality and beliefs, but...

...I believe that actions speak louder than words. I usually give less credit to what a person says and pay more attention to how they behave.

So when I ask what someone does for a living, I watch for hesitation, pride, dejection.... any emotion that might truly show me more about that person. I could honestly care less about what they actually do; that's just another random piece of information from them. But the physical response that a person gives to that question can tell me a lot more about a person than the straight answer to the question ever could by itself.

 

[Cereal]

Holy sh-Badjedidude, that's completely transformed my view on the whole thing. I didn't think about using "What do you do?" as a way to see how they actually feel about themselves. Nice one man. I still wouldn't use it as one of the first lines of conversation though, as the person being asked wouldn't see the real reason for me asking it.

- Thumbs up -

 

[ThinkPositive]

So when I ask what someone does for a living, I watch for hesitation, pride, dejection.... any emotion that might truly show me more about that person. I could honestly care less about what they actually do; that's just another random piece of information from them. But the physical response that a person gives to that question can tell me a lot more about a person than the straight answer to the question ever could by itself.

But BJD, if you then go off my response to your question, you might conclude that I am a shy, nervous, or awkward person lacking self-confidence. And I'm not generally like that at all. To me, being asked about what I do for a living is a very negative-spinning topic of conversation, and something that makes me feel really uncomfortable discussing with a stranger. I can be very confident and have pride in some things, but job prospects is not one of them, so you might come away with the wrong idea about me.

 

[Badjedidude]

But BJD, if you then go off my response to your question, you might conclude that I am a shy, nervous, or awkward person lacking self-confidence. And I'm not generally like that at all. To me, being asked about what I do for a living is a very negative-spinning topic of conversation, and something that makes me feel really uncomfortable discussing with a stranger. I can be very confident and have pride in some things, but job prospects is not one of them, so you might come away with the wrong idea about me.

Not really. It's not like I'd be divining your entire personality from your response to one simple question.

But your reaction would at least show me that you're a tad uncomfortable discussing jobs, and that's some information that I wouldn't gain otherwise, and it could be useful in helping me to understand you better in the future.

It's not a foolproof system, obviously... but it's how I am. When I meet someone for the first time, I usually fire random question after random question at them... and it can feel like an interrogation sometimes, but honestly I'm just trying to gain an understanding of the person and figure out where they stand and if we're going to be able to get along.

 

[ThinkPositive]

It's not a foolproof system, obviously... but it's how I am. When I meet someone for the first time, I usually fire random question after random question at them... and it can feel like an interrogation sometimes, but honestly I'm just trying to gain an understanding of the person and figure out where they stand and if we're going to be able to get along.

Okay, that's alright then. I like it when people fire questions at me -- it takes the pressure off of me pulling things out of the air for conversation topics, when I can just answer the questions instead.

It's just that when most people ask me "What do you do?", it results in the rest of the conversation being about a discussion about the state of the economy, follow-up questions about what kind of job I'm looking for, and/or completely unsolicited advice about what I should do. These topics are fine as just one of many things I might talk about with people I already know, but it's just really frustrating when it's with new people. Is there a polite way of saying to a stranger, "Can we talk about something else?"?

 

[sadface]

But BJD, if you then go off my response to your question, you might conclude that I am a shy, nervous, or awkward person lacking self-confidence. And I'm not generally like that at all. To me, being asked about what I do for a living is a very negative-spinning topic of conversation, and something that makes me feel really uncomfortable discussing with a stranger. I can be very confident and have pride in some things, but job prospects is not one of them, so you might come away with the wrong idea about me.

Not really. It's not like I'd be divining your entire personality from your response to one simple question.

But your reaction would at least show me that you're a tad uncomfortable discussing jobs, and that's some information that I wouldn't gain otherwise, and it could be useful in helping me to understand you better in the future.

It's not a foolproof system, obviously... but it's how I am. When I meet someone for the first time, I usually fire random question after random question at them... and it can feel like an interrogation sometimes, but honestly I'm just trying to gain an understanding of the person and figure out where they stand and if we're going to be able to get along.

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