the price of being friendly

[RebeccaSarah33]

At work I've been described as 'polite', 'friendly', 'bubbly', etc.. by my coworkers and management... I guess because of that, I've had some strange encounters because I'm too afraid to tell people to piss off and leave me alone when they get strange with me.

encounter1: On halloween people typically will wear something like a hat or ears or necklace or something while wearing thier work uniform, one person even painted her face. I wore a headband with kitty ears and thats it, no face painting no tail lol. I only wore this on the day of halloween, well this one kid who works up front of the store keeps coming back and browsing but not actually shopping and tries to start conversations with me by complaining. Its really annoying because its not the kind of complaining like talking about something, its the kind where he actually wants me to do something about it, usually what he complains about is out of the question or only done for really disgruntled customers. He also stinks... really bad like straight up ass and piss, like a dirty diaper. He tries and follows me and it kinda weirds me out as I have nothing to say to him other then like "Hi, hows it going?" and now I'm even tired of saying that because he comes back in my department way too much. I'm also 8 years older then him which adds to the weirdness. On halloween he came up to me and told me that he liked my cat ears, well thats not weird so I was nice and said "thanks" and was being nice like smiling and stuff and continuing to work. He then leaned in and whispered "Are you into ******?" (I don't know what word he used, I'll never remember it as its not a word I am familiar with) I asked him to repeat it, he did, I still didn't understand what he was asking.... so I asked him to explain. LOOOL He asked me if I was into fantasy dress up?? omg.. lolloooolooooool I don't know what to say to that, I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I just said, "no, this is halloween lol" He went on his way.... ok lately now hes been appearing more frequent and really getting on my nerves. I've been trying to find excuses to leave like go to the freezer or check the items in the oven and stuff where hes not aloud to follow me. I'm not into that stuff, I told him I'm not, I'm not even interested in shooting the breeze with this kid because he smells so awful but I'm too nice to tell him to go away LOL but I really do want him to go away, and now for the past two days hes been following me and asking me "So hows my little Otaku today?" lol omg, I'm gonna look up that word.

...(few minutes later) lol I looked up Otaku, I guess hes trying to call me an animae girl or something??? I don't really know. But I sure don't respond when he calls me that... I don't like it LOL I do want him to go away, I guess me looking like I'm under 18 doesn't help with this.., I don't know what to do, its becomming too frequent and makes me feel uncomfortable at work like when I see him coming from a distance I go hide in the freezer for a minute. I don't know what to do

encounter2: Theres this older guy at work that seems nice and stuff, he came to talk to me one day and tell me that he spoke with my mother. I asked him, 'How did you know she was my mother?' I guess she introduced herself because his description of her had to be her. He saw her work jacket and asked her about her job. So when he was talking to me he told me about how she gave him a website address to apply for a job with that company but he misplaced it and couldn't remember and he would greatly appreciate it if I could get it from her, I said Ok and told him what I thought it might be... maybe he could google it and find out lol. Well, I meant to ask her, I don't see her very often and when I do its not the first thing on my mind when I see her. I saw this guy again and he asked me if I had spoken with my mom, no I hadn't, he was polite and reminded me that he might get laid off from his other job so he would like to apply with this one if he could. So... some time passed, I forgot again lol. He approached me again and asked if I had talked with my mom about this website, lol no I hadn't I forgot, so then he was still polite and asked me to please get this information if I could lol... again I told him what I think the web address is but he didn't seem to think that it was the same as what my mom told him, and I guess he doesnt think that googling a job title or company name will help him find the right web address. I really tried to remember but I forgot again LOL. Its just not on my mind... He approached me again... this time not so nice kinda stern, telling me that his other job is most likely gonna lay him off and that this web address is really gonna help him out, so just so I don't forget, I tell him that I'll call her as soon as my shift is over and ask her, he'd still be working and I could give it to him and be done with this. lol guess what!!! I forgooot!! I completely forgot about it and left the building! Yea I feel bad about it but, lol, this stuff happens. Sooooo...... the next time I saw him off in the distance I immediately remembered and I avoided him all day hoping that I would see my mom before my next shift and get the info from her. I forgot to LOL. SOOOOOOO...... yesterday.... He comes over to my department, I'm packaging turnovers... hes really extra scary and mad, and he tells me that he REALLY NEEDS THIS WEBSITE ADDRESS BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO GET LAID OFF OMG LOL, he was really mad... he talked over me almost like I'm getting scolded, I felt the side of my head being pierced with his glaring eyes... it was extremely awkward. There was alot of silence and alot of him glaring at me in silence waiting for me to come up with something to say, but everytime I was going to say something like "I'm sorry I forgot, I'll really try to remember this time" ...he would talk over me, he told me a long sad story of his other job and the lack of business that they are doing and how its going to affect him... he stared at me in silence for about 2 straight minutes which feels like an eternity when hes like glaring like melting the skin on my face with his lazer beam eyes... lol it was extremely awkward and kind of scary the way he was almost yelling at me for his lack of another job and lack of willingness to use google and lack of looking into other companies for jobs. Its been over 2 months since he first talked with my mom, he can't find a website on his own or other companies to apply to in 2 months? The other lady in my department watched as he glared at me from back in the kitchen and told me how weird she thought it was without me saying anything to her first. Soooo..... I go home that night and actually remembered!! I got a note from my mom with the website address on it, lol and guess what I did... I forgot the note today.... LOOOOL I saw him off in the distance and was scared because he was coming this way so I hid in the back in the storage closet LOOOOL. The other lady that was there when he glared at me yesterday was there again and she helped me hide from him. She told me when the coast was clear, and told me that he stood there waiting for a couple minutes to see if I'd come back, then he got frustraited and asked her if she was the only one working today, lol her response was "On this side of the kitchen yea" So then when it was safe to come out, i started working... I noticed he left his donut bag behind purposefully so that he would have to come back and get it... I felt really scared!! I saw him coming in the distance and I went back in the kitchen and took the back passage to the otherside of the store and went in the freezer down there, just standing in it with nothing to get so I grabbed some random frozen product hoping that it needed to be restocked, because I didn't want to look like I went down there for nothing, so I start to walk back and I see him in the back passage way but he wasn't facing me so I turned and ran around the corner and walked back through the store. omg I felt like I was being hunted down. I got like a sick feeling in my stomach if I had eaten anything I'd probably get sick but I hadn't yet. It was really stressful LOL. So then... LOL he hunted me down and kinda cornered me up against some rolling carts and I just made up a web adress that I think is right... I sure hope its right because I just couldn't tell him I forgot again, its too scary to.... he went on his way.

is this normal behavior?? Should I get mean?? I don't know what to do but its really awkward!!!!! I feel like my behavior is somewhat abnormal too, lol hiding in freezers and closets and things, I'm just not that bold to face scary mad people. My coworker thinks I should tell a manager, but I don't know if thats ok, it just doesn't feel serious enough for that.

I have issues dealing with angry people.... after one of my exes used to tie me to the table or desk and hit me with the belt of a bathrobe and throw objects at me with his rage and anger over life... I just can't deal well with angry people I get scared it brings back flashbacks in my mind when someone gets in my face and talks sternly and loudly its so awkward I almost panic.

 

[Badjedidude]

ENCOUNTER 1: That guy sounds creepy, you should stay away from him. I think that hygiene is a good indicator of mental capacity...and if he stinks as badly as you say he does, you should probably stay away from him. BTW the word he said was most likely "Cosplay," which is a fad for anime-lovers in which they dress up as their favorite anime/manga characters. Haha it doesn't help much that often cat ears are usually found on the most sexual anime characters.

@_@ STAY AWAY FROM HIM! "Otaku" is a word that means "obsession" in Japanese. He's saying that you are the focus of his world, that you are his love-pet. Let me clue you in: YOU CAN'T BE NICE WITH THIS GUY. You have to stomp his balls. NOW. Seriously, tell him that you are not interested in him and that if he bothers you anymore you're going to call the police. It sounds cruel and harsh, but this guy isn't going to leave you alone unless you get serious.

ENCOUNTER 2: Yes, get mean. It's not your job to hold this retard's hand. I promise you, he can google the **** website and find it himself. He's just using it to bug you. My advice is the same as above. Tell him to get lost or you'll call the cops. I'm serious. These guys both have real problems...and subtlety isn't going to work. Hope that helped.

----Steve

P.S. PLEASE for the love of God, use paragraphs if you write something that long! Gaaaahhh my eyes!

 

[Coverage]

Those are some odd encounters. For the first I guy you need to just tell him straight up that you want him to leave you alone and that your not interested in talking to him. Despite how weird he is I wouldn't suggest being outright hostile to him simply because in your story you never mention ever telling him to leave you alone.

If he still is coming back and directly bothering you after you have told him to stay away then you might consider becoming more stern in your request for him to back off, or you could go to your boss about it.
You need to stand up for yourself and not let these guys keep pestering you.

You can be a very nice person without letting other people walk all over you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

well...if you dont say anything to anyone about how you really feel then you're just allowing them to do these creepy things to you.

You should mention what is happening to your boss...

Be assertive with these sorts of people. Be direct. Be polite, but firm.

and write things down (in a planner you always have with you) when people ask you to remember something

 

[iWish]

I agree with SophiaGrace.
Also, if it helps, start a "To Do" list in a pretty notebook. It helps me remember stuff.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well...it was normal for me. I was abused as a child. It's wasn't healthy though. Later on in life i got involve in abusive
relationships...I thought I out grow it as a young adult...However it didn't work out that way or went away by itself.

The physical wounds might heal in a couple of weeks..but the mental and emotional scares can last a life time.
Will when you get abuse...you get beat even more if you scream or say anything. On top of that you get brain
wash into thinking it's your fualt. It get ingrain inside of you...

Of course anyone can figure out to stand up for youself...it's when you go through the actual process.

There's healing. No, you won't be damaged goods forever. You can over come it. It takes works and being
around a healthy living/working enviorment. Being around healthy people. It won't totally rub off on you..but you
will be aware of the difference.

You can't change the abuser or manipultors. However you must let them know the behaviors are unacceptiable.
It will take a lot of strenght and courage to stand up to your abuser. Be very clear and assertive.
Do not negociate. Just make it clear..tell them to fresia-off or whatever...but do not get into a pissing contest
with them. Becuase all that will do is suck you back into the cycle of abuse again. Breaking away from a victim
role is not the easist thing in the world...The more you are willing to be honest with yourself and recognize certain
behaviors within yourself also...the more you'll catch yourself or certain situations will arrised...it will be a test of
your will to play the victim again...and most abuser will be more than happy to put you back into the victim role again.
Yoiu'll recognize the signs faster and faster. Evertime you stand up for yourself...the old sence of guilt and shame will
get retrigger. The more you stand up for yourself the more self worth you will have...eventaully there will less and less
abuser in your life.

You also have to understand if you were abused...you wern't allowed to feel angery or process your anger....
You feel guilty for being angery. You veiw people when they get fustrated or angery sometimes as sometype of defect.
It's part of the emotional and mental scares.
Anger is a natural human emotion...Some people react to it more than others. Some people use that same energy to create very positive
things in their lives as an outlit.

No matter what happens...do not beat up on yourself.

 

[h i]

"Are you into ******?" ... "So hows my little Otaku today?"... is this normal behavior?? Should I get mean??

Cosplay?

Otaku, people who like cartoons affectionately.

Otaku (おたく/オタク?) is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga, and video games.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otaku

=^.^= kitty

i dont think thats normal. you should of told him hell get fired from this job if he keeps harassing you. i dont think saying that is mean. because it obviously bothers you, and yet he obviously keeps doing it. when he left the donut bag or whatever type of bag so that he could return... i would of given it to the store manager and reported it.

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

update on whats happened since then.

encounter1: When I returned to work my manager was having a talk with me about other things, I was really nervous but I decided its probably best if I mentioned this stuff to her because it not going to get any better if I do nothing. I told her all about the smelly otaku kid. She laughed..... ....... ...... how am I supposed to feel about that?? its like geez lol. It took alot for me to bring it to her attention and she laughs at me saying that these people are harmless and I just need to tell them straight up to go away. I didn't know what to think after that so I didn't think anything.

Then just as she was about to leave here comes the smelly otaku kid... I go hide in the back and she stands there and stares at him fake shopping for a minute until he leaves. Then when I come out of hiding she says 'i'll tell the store manager' I guess she took it seriousely then. As soon she she left he came back again, 3 more times that night, its so awkward.

Today I worked 5 hours, he came back 4 times... I guess it was forgotten or never mentioned. He butted in front of customers I was helping to ask if I had any free cookies... I ignored him, the customers stepped back almost like stunned that an employee would just but in front like that... I had to write on thier cake they wanted and he just stared at me writting and asking questions that I don't remember while I'm trying to write. I hate this.... fake shopping.... obviousely you don't need to shop in one department 4 times in a day. He eats all the samples up which is gross and annoying... he takes like 5 or more then comes back again in an hour and takes like 5 more.

It was really weird also he was coming down an aisle I was in so I changed aisles, here he comes, so I go back to the first aisle, here he comes again, lol so I walked at super speed and ran down another aisle to go where I needed to go. I just completely ignored him today, I didn't answer any of his questions, i didn't say hi, wasn't polite. I feel kinda weird being that rude but I just can't be nice to this kid anymore.

encounter2: no more encounters, hopefully he figured out the website on his own or discovered google

I don't know what to do if management doesn't take me seriously

 

[Badjedidude]

It's not rude to avoid him. Don't feel bad about that. I'm serious, though...tell your managers about him, and if that doesn't work, call the police station (NOT 9-1-1...lol it's not an emergency unless he's raping you) and explain the situation. You seriously have to stomp down on this. The smelly otaku kid isn't going to get the picture unless you get iron-hard about it and start stompin' balls.

----Steve

 

[ColaFree]

Encounter 1: Tell him to fresia off, or I'm gonna kick his ass. OR you could just do as Steve said and call the cops. AND tell him to get a showe lol

Encounter 2: same as 1 minus the cops and the shower lol.

Nah, but seriously, I dunnho, I don't really deal with that pushy people. If I were in your shoes would probably get mad and tell him to stuff it, because after all YOU are doing HIM a favour, not the other way around, remember that.

 

[Zak]

Encounter 1: Oh you can just tell him that "If you hang around more here, calling me names and things, see I dont have anything against you but my bf is a cop, he might take it seriously if my co-workers report it. You should stop this or don't go blaming me if you end up in jail." Worth a try duh lol.


Encounter 2: If he is gonna come back just tell him "Mr.xyz, please know that my mum or me. we don't run a job consultancy here. If you are gonna get laid off, i would appreciate if you are taking it enough serious as you say, then atleast do something from your own part to find a job rather than depending on a single website and if you are going to use harsh tone against me, please know that you will be laid off even before than your expected time. Have a nice day"

I have issues dealing with angry people.... after one of my exes used to tie me to the table or desk and hit me with the belt of a bathrobe and throw objects at me with his rage and anger over life... I just can't deal well with angry people I get scared it brings back flashbacks in my mind when someone gets in my face and talks sternly and loudly its so awkward I almost panic.

Thats just horrible @_@........................................

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

Update: the otaku kid doesn't call me 'otaku lady' anymore, but hes come back..... alot. He didn't stop by the bakery for about two weeks, but lately its just more and more frequent. He doesn't call me anything anymore because the managers had a talk with him, but I guess he didn't understand the not hanging around part. He fake shops everyday hes there, the last day he was there same time as me he came back 6 times and picked up the same box of cinnamon buns pretending to look at, but instead is looking at me. He snuck up on me too but luckily a customer interupted. He averages about 4-6 visits each day @_@ I'm starting to hide again because its just weird to be watched all the time.

another day he snuck up on me and asked me if i had any fresher cookies. I pointed to the table but he refused to get them himself and acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. So I ignored him and he just kept saying "Hey" "Hey" "Hey" "Hey" .....lol it got on my nerves so i handed him the cookies and he wanted to see the 'other' cookies so i handed them to him too and went back to ignoring, then he goes to leave, and leaves all this crap on my counter so i made him put it back but he acted like he didn't know where it went even though he brought them to me.... like its all so stupid that it hurts my brain. Everytime I see him coming now I go shut myself in the freezer because he can't go in there, but its getting rediculous again... but he hasn't done anything offensive so I can't report him again. I'd like to know where he gets all the time to fake shop because I'm always busy when I'm working

 

[Badjedidude]

*sigh*...RebeccaSarah33...lol I told you again and again...

...YOU GOTTA STOMP BALLS!!!

This kid isn't going to get it by just being nice to him. You HAVE to be rude to pound it into his skull and force him to go away for good. A "talking to" just won't cut it. You gotta get rude.

----Steve

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

lol i haven't been friendly, I don't smile or say anything to him unless i have to, I walk away everytime I see him coming and go in the freezer, but he sneaks up on me and freaks me out LOL. like whats a good example of stomping balls when hes on the other side of the section picking up boxes and looking at them. Thats what he does most of the time, he doesn't talk to me mostly just acts like hes shopping to be around. Am I supposed to freak out on him for shopping?

 

[Badjedidude]

Am I supposed to freak out on him for shopping?

Yes. Walk over to him and yell at him to get the fresia out of the store. You tried doing it the nice way, now you're going to have to get nasty. As long as your boss knows that you're upset by this kid and that he's been following you around, then your boss should be able to back you up.

Seriously...or have a friend yell at him. Either way, you need to make this stick in the kid's brain...and the only way to do that is to blow him away.

----Steve