This is a double standard.

[ardour]

That comes back to peer pressure and society's view on men, there have been studies that suggest that most men would prefer to cuddle but of course a group of men aren't going to say that to each other as it isn't very masculine or entertaining!

Yeah, false bravado and intentional vulgarity to impress.

Perhaps it's also the fear that behind the progressive PC facade women are still turned off by men who express vulnerability. We're always hearing statements along the lines of "what women say they want and what they actually want are different things" etc.

 

[Pike Creek]

Yeah, false bravado and intentional vulgarity to impress.

This is not impressive to me. I can't speak for any other woman but myself, but I seek vulnerable guys because if a guy can open up and be vulnerable to me, I feel closer to him, I feel I can be vulnerable to him too, and we can build a better trust and intimacy.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Men aren't expected to express emotion, admit a "need" or lack in their lives, and particularly not to other men.

Except for sex; I hear men talk about "needing" that all the time, and rarely are they ashamed to express it. I've heard men say "I don't need women" plenty of times, but I've not heard more than one or two say "I don't need sex". And when I do hear a man tell another man that he needs a woman, he's usually talking about sex and not marriage or a relationship.

Just my experience.



I found this quote awhile back and thought it was funny, because people always comment on my unmarried status at weddings and it's been a bit of a sore spot for me, having been so lonely.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED: 'Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.'

That comes back to peer pressure and society's view on men, there have been studies that suggest that most men would prefer to cuddle but of course a group of men aren't going to say that to each other as it isn't very masculine or entertaining!

I have difficulty believing that most men prefer cuddling to sex. It seems more likely there are men who enjoy both sex and cuddling but it isn't masculine or entertaining for them to admit they enjoy cuddling. I heard about that study. I think they need to do it again for more accurate results.

Oh here is a grammar test for all of you. I saw it on face book. how well do you understand this sentence?

I would rather cuddle then have sex.

 

[Solivagant]

Yeah, false bravado and intentional vulgarity to impress.

This is not impressive to me. I can't speak for any other woman but myself, but I seek vulnerable guys because if a guy can open up and be vulnerable to me, I feel closer to him, I feel I can be vulnerable to him too, and we can build a better trust and intimacy.

^ This.

We're always hearing statements along the lines of "what women say they want and what they actually want are different things" etc.

Statements like that are BS. They just give men an excuse to demand their way instead of listening, because "they know better" and "'No' means 'Yes'" and blahblahblah.

Only difference now is that type of question rolls off me like water off a duck's back. I just don't care what people think of my singlehood.
I guess that's one benefit of getting older.

I never cared much what other people thought of my singlehood (although it is annoying when they assume I'm a lesbian), I just don't enjoy having my loneliness rubbed in my face. Some days it's taken everything I have to get through the loneliness, I really don't need to be reminded or teased about it.

Oh here is a grammar test for all of you. I saw it on face book. how well do you understand this sentence?

I would rather cuddle then have sex.

Either way there's a mistake, because one way should say "than" and another way should have a comma to make sense. But why the grammar test? =]

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I recognize the comma is needed but that would make it too easy because the point is that the intent behind this sentence is that if you don't read it carefully you actually think it means I would rather cuddle and not have sex but really it means I want to do both. The comma would spoil it, no matter how correct.

 

[Solivagant]

I recognize the comma is needed but that would make it too easy because the point is that the intent behind this sentence is that if you don't read it carefully you actually think it means I would rather cuddle and not have sex but really it means I want to do both. The comma would spoil it, no matter how correct.

But it really only carries that intent it if has the comma, lol. That's what the comma is for, to convey tonal emphasis and context. Otherwise it's just a poorly-written sentence with ambiguous meaning. =]

I guess I still don't understand the point, I'm sorry. =/ My brain is sleepy, lol. So what if it means "cuddle or sex" vs. "cuddle and sex"? Is it suppose to prove something? 'Cause you couldn't really say that people aren't reading it carefully enough when grammatical omissions leave it open to interpretation in the first place.

 

[Locke]

We're always hearing statements along the lines of "what women say they want and what they actually want are different things" etc.

I'm not sure I've ever heard that, but I suppose there are quite a few people (men and women) who say they want one thing, but actually need or want something completely different. In any case, there are at least an equal number of people who know what they want. It depends on the person, not a generalization.

I have difficulty believing that most men prefer cuddling to sex. It seems more likely there are men who enjoy both sex and cuddling but it isn't masculine or entertaining for them to admit they enjoy cuddling.

I prefer cuddling to sex. I like sex, but I'd rather cuddle with someone while we're watching TV, in bed talking or whatever else. I have no idea what other people prefer though.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yeah, false bravado and intentional vulgarity to impress.

This is not impressive to me. I can't speak for any other woman but myself, but I seek vulnerable guys because if a guy can open up and be vulnerable to me, I feel closer to him, I feel I can be vulnerable to him too, and we can build a better trust and intimacy.

It's not impressive to me either. My guy isn't brave unless he needs to be, and it's mostly for his own sake. And he doesn't cuss to impress. He cusses because he doesn't care not to. Guys who think being loud and muscular will just reel us in are in for a rude awaking for many of the females they'll think will just fall all over them.

 

[ardour]

It's not impressive to me either. My guy isn't brave unless he needs to be, and it's mostly for his own sake. And he doesn't cuss to impress. He cusses because he doesn't care not to. Guys who think being loud and muscular will just reel us in are in for a rude awaking for many of the females they'll think will just fall all over them.

I meant to impress other men with how 'hard' and indifferent they are.

But there might be this this paranoia that if we show our true selves; weaknesses, desires and all that, women don't find that attractive. Basically insecurity. Some definitely lose respect if you're an open book, and it's fairly common to hear women admit to being more interesting in a man who's decisive and willing to take charge.. There's a perception that as a man you're better off maintaining some distance.

 

[VanillaCreme]

But there might be this this paranoia that if we show our true selves; weaknesses, desires and all that, women don't find that attractive. Basically insecurity. Some definitely lose respect if you're an open book, and it's fairly common to hear women admit to being more interesting in a man who's decisive and willing to take charge.. There's a perception that as a man you're better off maintaining some distance.

You really can't say what women find attractive, though. Perhaps on a personally level, you could based off what women have told you - and even still, that's just for you. But how can one man determine what all women think is attractive? It may be more common. But popularity doesn't determine what's correct and exact for all of us. Maintaining some distance is your perception. I've never heard that, and I can honestly said I've never really thought that. I don't lose respect for people who are open (man or woman), and surely there are others who don't think that either.

Oh, and all the cuddling talk... Believe it or not, there are women (such as myself) who don't really care for it. I have no idea why so many people assume that's what all women like. I'm sure it's lovely, but I just don't care for it.

 

[Pike Creek]

There's a perception that as a man you're better off maintaining some distance.

That's a shame if that is a general perception among men because most complaints I hear from women is that men are too distant and not vulnerable and open enough. That was a complaint I had a few weeks back when my relationship nearly ended, he refused to open up to me. The "strong"/silent type is a turn off for me.

 

[Solivagant]

That's a shame if that is a general perception among men because most complaints I hear from women is that men are too distant and not vulnerable and open enough.

^ Same here.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I agree with Pike here, I can't be done with attempting to guess what a partner is thinking/feeling, it's important that lines of communication remain open & active(on both sides) to achieve a good relationship.

In my last experience it was possible to actually sense & feel what we were each going through as we were so open & tuned in to one another.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

We're always hearing statements along the lines of "what women say they want and what they actually want are different things" etc.

I'm not sure I've ever heard that, but I suppose there are quite a few people (men and women) who say they want one thing, but actually need or want something completely different. In any case, there are at least an equal number of people who know what they want. It depends on the person, not a generalization.

I have difficulty believing that most men prefer cuddling to sex. It seems more likely there are men who enjoy both sex and cuddling but it isn't masculine or entertaining for them to admit they enjoy cuddling.

I prefer cuddling to sex. I like sex, but I'd rather cuddle with someone while we're watching TV, in bed talking or whatever else. I have no idea what other people prefer though.

I have got to stop stereotyping men. I stereotype them and then I think I have to accept the assumed "fact" that all men are how I think they are. Good, then I can raise my standards. I want a man who likes cuddling at least as much as he likes sex. It's o.k. if he likes cuddling more than sex, he just can't be asexual. If he likes cuddling less than sex then I must declare sexual and physical incompatibility.

 

[Pike Creek]

I have got to stop stereotyping men. I stereotype them and then I think I have to accept the assumed "fact" that all men are how I think they are. Good, then I can raise my standards. I want a man who likes cuddling at least as much as he likes sex. It's o.k. if he likes cuddling more than sex, he just can't be asexual. If he likes cuddling less than sex then I must declare sexual and physical incompatibility.

Men who love sex and cuddling/affection do exist, I feel grateful that I found one.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, this brings up an interesting point. I can't quite parse out why the language between the sexes is different in this particular instance. I know there are different expectations and different depictions of each gender in the media.

I've never told anyone before that they don't need a man, or that they don't need a woman.

Maybe I shouldn't think about it too much. I've grown tired of thinking about inequality and differences between the sexes lately.

 

[Case]

I prefer cuddling to sex. I like sex, but I'd rather cuddle with someone while we're watching TV, in bed talking or whatever else. I have no idea what other people prefer though.

I also like cuddling, but I have to say that when I was a younger guy, if sex didn't follow cuddling, I'd be silently disappointed. Now, if I'm ever with a woman and we're at home watching TV, it's great to cuddle up and get close to her without a care for whether sex happens later or not. It took me a while to realize that cuddling is beautiful and satisfying in and of itself.