This won't end

[reynard_muldrake]

I've been depressed for too long. At this rate, this illness or condition seems to have won. I only have energy to go to work and some minor activities upon coming home. Any major changes or improvements just seem like impossibilities these days. And really, the time has come and gone. I may have had a shot four years ago or so. Now I think the worst thing I have done was convince myself I can overcome depression. I'm even giving myself a time limit. If nothing changes in three years, I'm calling it a life. No need to spend the rest of my life in misery and isolation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Of course you can change it. It may be hard to accomplish, but you can. Force yourself to do things, to get out, to meet new people, to (insert whatever you want to accomplish here).
Try not to try too hard and try not to give yourself a hard time if it doesn't happen overnight. Chase your dreams or whatever you want out of life. It's never too late.

 

[Nely Lo]

I agree with TheRealCallie, don't quit, it's never too late...I understand that feelings and how hard it is to try anything in that state but you should never give up.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I've tried meeting new people plenty of times. It never works out as we often end up losing touch. It's as if I am being punished for actually making an effort. The fact I couldn't even make friends in online depression groups probably doesn't say anything good about my chances for offline/IRL friendships.

Ultimately, though, it seems like there's too much to do in too little a time span. People say there's plenty of time, but it seems like the clock has already finished ticking for me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've tried meeting new people plenty of times. It never works out as we often end up losing touch. It's as if I am being punished for actually making an effort. The fact I couldn't even make friends in online depression groups probably doesn't say anything good about my chances for offline/IRL friendships.

Ultimately, though, it seems like there's too much to do in too little a time span. People say there's plenty of time, but it seems like the clock has already finished ticking for me.

Okay, you can meet new people, but are you keeping up your end of the relationships or are you expecting them to do everything?
If a relationship ends that fast, then clearly the group wasn't a good fit. But, if you go into it thinking you are going to fail or that the same thing is going to happen over and over again, then of course it will, because even if you don't realize you are doing it, you could be sabotaging the relationships to prevent yourself from having to deal with it fully.

Don't worry about how much time you have, live for the moment, live for the day. Do what you enjoy, find out who you really are and what you want out of life and go after it. The only time you actually fail is when you stop trying. So, just don't stop trying.

 

[Sometimes]

I totally agree with what Callie said last. Do things, try things. If you no longer enjoy things you know about, do something you've never done before. Something a bit nutty. Mine was, that I took up flying trapeze, in a class with other people.


The problem with focusing on meeting friends is that there are other people and their foibles involved. It's unreliable, though we need it. Start with you, and see where that goes.

 

[Despicable Me]

I've been depressed for too long. At this rate, this illness or condition seems to have won. I only have energy to go to work and some minor activities upon coming home. Any major changes or improvements just seem like impossibilities these days. And really, the time has come and gone. I may have had a shot four years ago or so. Now I think the worst thing I have done was convince myself I can overcome depression. I'm even giving myself a time limit. If nothing changes in three years, I'm calling it a life. No need to spend the rest of my life in misery and isolation.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I think that way, too.

Giving yourself a time limit does not make sense, though. That's just the depression talking. Think about it clearly, you say you don't want to spend the rest of your life in misery, but isn't that what you'd be doing? Killing yourself ends your life, meaning you don't have a 'rest of your life' to talk about. You die, meaning you spent your life in misery. You'd be dooming yourself to exactly that fate. You'd be causing it yourself.

So don't do that. You want to live, if you didn't then you wouldn't be here now. Forget everything else.

 

[mickey]

I'm not going to be a knee-jerk establishment insider and chant slogans from TV commercials at you. I accept your statement that things suck. But what did you do in order to combat depression in the first place? It's pretty well proven that depression is almost impossible to overcome through pure willpower. In fact, the slogan-chanting of establishment insiders aside, pretty much NO real problem can be overcome through pure willpower. And it's also nearly impossible to overcome something like that alone. Which means, as much as it's gonna sound like I'm knee-jerking anyway, I have to say it: you need the assistance of others here. I'm not competent to provide that assistance and doubt anyone else here is. All we can do is sympathize, and that doesn't really help with the basic problem, which is that your perspective is distorted by depression.

I hope that you can manage to get real help somewhere where real help is available.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I'm not going to be a knee-jerk establishment insider and chant slogans from TV commercials at you. I accept your statement that things suck. But what did you do in order to combat depression in the first place? It's pretty well proven that depression is almost impossible to overcome through pure willpower. In fact, the slogan-chanting of establishment insiders aside, pretty much NO real problem can be overcome through pure willpower. And it's also nearly impossible to overcome something like that alone. Which means, as much as it's gonna sound like I'm knee-jerking anyway, I have to say it: you need the assistance of others here. I'm not competent to provide that assistance and doubt anyone else here is. All we can do is sympathize, and that doesn't really help with the basic problem, which is that your perspective is distorted by depression.

I hope that you can manage to get real help somewhere where real help is available.

I tried changing certain things that bothered me. I tried getting my license several times and failed each time. I went to find friends and failed in that. I tried changing health habits. That lasted, but only for a short time. Therapy sounds great, sure, but the lack of insurance and funds prohibits me from seeking it. This is really why I go to places like ALonelyLife and other support sites/chats. Unfortunately they often tend to have a negative effect on me.

 

[lifestream]

What happened four years ago, reynard?

 

[reynard_muldrake]

What happened four years ago, reynard?

Ah, let me clarify: I began feeling depressed six years ago. It was four years ago that I told people about depression and tried to improve upon it. A string of failures later and here I am, just barely existing with no enthusiasm for life.

As to what caused depression, it had to do with school. I just stopped being enthused with classes. It was also my last year there, so you had to keep in mind I had to worry about post-grad life. And of course, I was alone. Making friends there had failed. It was not a good experience for me overall.

 

[SofiasMami]

I'm not going to be a knee-jerk establishment insider and chant slogans from TV commercials at you. I accept your statement that things suck. But what did you do in order to combat depression in the first place? It's pretty well proven that depression is almost impossible to overcome through pure willpower. In fact, the slogan-chanting of establishment insiders aside, pretty much NO real problem can be overcome through pure willpower. And it's also nearly impossible to overcome something like that alone. Which means, as much as it's gonna sound like I'm knee-jerking anyway, I have to say it: you need the assistance of others here. I'm not competent to provide that assistance and doubt anyone else here is. All we can do is sympathize, and that doesn't really help with the basic problem, which is that your perspective is distorted by depression.

I hope that you can manage to get real help somewhere where real help is available.

Totally this. Depression is a real and chronic illness, much like any other, like diabetes or asthma, except there's a stigma attached to depression. If you're stuck and can't get out, it's time for some real help from a professional. Telling yourself to buck up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps as it were won't help. Are there any helpful resources available to you?

Edited to add: I notice you wrote that a lack of funds has prevented you from getting professional help. If you're in or near a major city, there could be colleges or universities nearby that offer free or low cost resources even to non-students. Also some counselors see people on a sliding fee scale. I know you said you hardly have any energy or motivation to do anything (symptoms of depression) but those might be worth it to look into.

-Teresa

 

[lifestream]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with college.

Would you think about maybe linking in with a non-profit organisation that deals with depression? Considering that money is an issue and everything.

 

[breakingfree88]

There is hope!
It's a process I'm telling you. Depression is killer. You loose total interest in everything you once loved, you always want to be by yourself, it feels like your mind clouds up like you can't think. It's the worst state of hopelessness there is... That's why it's important to treat it! The longer you have it the worse it will get to the state of suicide. And dealing with people who don't understand and things they say makes it worse.. But I truly think you should seek help, talk to a professional like I do.. The more you hold those feelings inside yourself, the worse you will become. I also write my feelings down, and who I am around is important too. Stay away from negative toxic people, be around the people who love you. I have really bad depression episodes because I'm bipolar so dealing with it everyday is a challenge, but after so long you become strong. Because there is hope. We all have a purpose. You just need to look outside of what your feeling I know it's really hard.. And outlook all of the bad that's happining to you. Start thinking about your hobbies. Call a friend, hang out. Go for a jog. Excercise is really awesome... There's strength inside you.. I know you will find it!

 

[Speak-volumes]

I'm not going to be a knee-jerk establishment insider and chant slogans from TV commercials at you. I accept your statement that things suck. But what did you do in order to combat depression in the first place? It's pretty well proven that depression is almost impossible to overcome through pure willpower. In fact, the slogan-chanting of establishment insiders aside, pretty much NO real problem can be overcome through pure willpower. And it's also nearly impossible to overcome something like that alone. Which means, as much as it's gonna sound like I'm knee-jerking anyway, I have to say it: you need the assistance of others here. I'm not competent to provide that assistance and doubt anyone else here is. All we can do is sympathize, and that doesn't really help with the basic problem, which is that your perspective is distorted by depression.

I hope that you can manage to get real help somewhere where real help is available.

Totally this. Depression is a real and chronic illness, much like any other, like diabetes or asthma, except there's a stigma attached to depression. If you're stuck and can't get out, it's time for some real help from a professional. Telling yourself to buck up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps as it were won't help. Are there any helpful resources available to you?

Edited to add: I notice you wrote that a lack of funds has prevented you from getting professional help. If you're in or near a major city, there could be colleges or universities nearby that offer free or low cost resources even to non-students. Also some counselors see people on a sliding fee scale. I know you said you hardly have any energy or motivation to do anything (symptoms of depression) but those might be worth it to look into.

-Teresa

I'm totally with both of these comments. I believe overcoming depression alone with pure willpower is simply impossible. I mean who wants to be depressed? If it was about willpower, there wouldn't be depressed people.
Unfortunately that's usually what people who are not depressed tell you to do. To just pull yourself together and decide to get better. Get yourself a hobby and find stuff that make you happy without realizing that when you're depressed pretty much nothing truly makes you happy. I know that from my own experience. So I definitely recommend you to try to find a professional to talk to, if it's in any way possible.

 

[Despicable Me]

I'm totally with both of these comments. I believe overcoming depression alone with pure willpower is simply impossible. I mean who wants to be depressed? If it was about willpower, there wouldn't be depressed people.
Unfortunately that's usually what people who are not depressed tell you to do. To just pull yourself together and decide to get better. Get yourself a hobby and find stuff that make you happy without realizing that when you're depressed pretty much nothing truly makes you happy. I know that from my own experience. So I definitely recommend you to try to find a professional to talk to, if it's in any way possible.

Maybe there are different 'kinds' of depression.

I most certainly have some sort of depression and it's certainly difficult (or impossible) to just "pull myself out" of it, but finding hobbies and stuff that 'makes me happy' does help. Doing the things themselves doesn't actually make me happy, but that's not the point. If it doesn't make me feel better at that time it does seem to shorten the period of time that I feel depressed, or at least alleviate some of the symptoms. Often that doesn't even seem to happen until the next day or so, or maybe it takes a whole week of doing that to see any effect, but I can certainly connect the cause and effect together with certainty. It does help. It's just not a magical pill that helps in 10 minutes, though, like most people want these days. You've got to give it time.

The real problem is that when you're deep into depression you just don't feel like doing anything like that. You don't want to do anything at all. Everything is hopeless. Nothing has value.
But I do know that if you TRY to think clearly for a moment and PUSH yourself to do things anyway, then it does seem to help. I don't really know how to explain how to do that, but I think part of it is recognizing when you're depressed and realizing that you don't have to feel trapped and that you can still control your body, if nothing else. And, from my experience, it can even become a 'good habit' where you face depression and you don't have to push yourself so hard to do those things, you just naturally do them because you feel so tired, lonely, frustrated, etc. It eventually becomes a natural response to those feelings.

So don't dismiss it entirely. Some people might say that not truly understanding depression, but I think the advice is still good either way. Even fools are sometimes right, after all.
Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but don't tell that to someone who's depressed or they'll probably take it the wrong way. I know I would.

 

[Veruca]

I know it seems like life is miserable right now given all your bad experiences, but there really is more to it than just this.

And I can resonate with you about depression too. Its the worst. It takes out all the joy in you and it clouds you from seeing that there could be more...that it could be better.

But you have to keep trying. Its ok to lose enthusiasm during one phase of life. Its not possible for all aspects of life to be interesting and stimulatinf all the time. And yes, it sucks to be alone. But you habe to stop snowballing this one phase and believing that your whole life is going to be like this.

The reality is that we cannot control what happens to us and some of us will get thrown the bad stuff. But we have complete control over how we react to it. It helps to look at those who have it worse. If they can somehow find a way to survive, them we ought to at least try as well right?

As lonely as it is to not have a partner or friends, it shouldnt be the deciding factor for whether life is worth living.

I was severely depressed for years and at the brink of giving up, when I was feeling worthless, just as I was about to give up, I asked myself if there was anything, however smalI could do to make my existence worth something. And it occured to me that even if I was a complete failure, and a total reject and even if I continued to be sick, I could make it worthy by helping even just one life.

At the peak of my depression I forced myself to get dog. He was about to be euthanized for being a reject himself but I had given him a life. And I thought, if nothing else, I could keep adopting till I die and who knows maybe I could save 10 lives.

Then I started volunteering. And suddenly everything changed. Here I was helping animals and people. I cant fail at this because for every 10 lives that cant be helped, there is one that can be. And that was enough. And eventhough I am still single, Ive made some amazing friends. All because we have a common goal.

I relate my experience with you because I hope you can see that you never know how life can change. What you think is the worst right noe, a few years down the road, it wont feel like it anymore.

So dont give up. You are worthy and important, and its ok to fail a million times and for people to not see how great you are
..yet. Things could change.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Oh wow. I must confess to being surprised this thread is receiving replies again. Thanks for the kind words, but right now I am in a better mindset than I was when starting this thread.