Don't you just hate when you know the source of the problem you're having?
But your lack of confidence is so great, that you find yourself unable to deal with it?
This happens to me more then often. It's one of the reasons I joined this forum. I want to learn how to deal with it because this is slowly eating at me.
I'll be honest, I have my fair share of friends. Though I feel the reason I have so many friends is because I work VERY hard on being liked. Far too hard. It consumes most of my life. And just writing this I'm looking back on the last week and realising that most of it contains stressing out whether people hate me or not, how many people like me, how many people want to hang out with me.
It's stupid. I know. And people just tell me, don't care what other people think! Easier said then done. This is deeply rooted in me; mostly due to my mother I think who used to get very angry at me because I never made friends when I was younger. So to win her respect and love, I HAD to make friends when I was younger or risk being yelled at all the time. Now it's mutated into a strange form of distress whenever I think I'm disliked.
I realise too that I'm constantly comparing myself to other people. I look at other people and I see them loving their friends, friends constantly inviting them out and realise, just for a fleeting moment that I'm unloved by all my friends.
To which I instantly put down to the fact that I'm not fun. I'm boring and unattractive to people. Who would want to hang with me?
Maybe I need professional help again, but hell, I work hard at making the counsellor like me last time when I was there rather then talk about my own feelings.
I want to be broken out of this. Somehow. I want the strength. Then again, maybe I just want the strength so that I can be loved again.
But your lack of confidence is so great, that you find yourself unable to deal with it?
This happens to me more then often. It's one of the reasons I joined this forum. I want to learn how to deal with it because this is slowly eating at me.
I'll be honest, I have my fair share of friends. Though I feel the reason I have so many friends is because I work VERY hard on being liked. Far too hard. It consumes most of my life. And just writing this I'm looking back on the last week and realising that most of it contains stressing out whether people hate me or not, how many people like me, how many people want to hang out with me.
It's stupid. I know. And people just tell me, don't care what other people think! Easier said then done. This is deeply rooted in me; mostly due to my mother I think who used to get very angry at me because I never made friends when I was younger. So to win her respect and love, I HAD to make friends when I was younger or risk being yelled at all the time. Now it's mutated into a strange form of distress whenever I think I'm disliked.
I realise too that I'm constantly comparing myself to other people. I look at other people and I see them loving their friends, friends constantly inviting them out and realise, just for a fleeting moment that I'm unloved by all my friends.
To which I instantly put down to the fact that I'm not fun. I'm boring and unattractive to people. Who would want to hang with me?
Maybe I need professional help again, but hell, I work hard at making the counsellor like me last time when I was there rather then talk about my own feelings.
I want to be broken out of this. Somehow. I want the strength. Then again, maybe I just want the strength so that I can be loved again.