Ventilator syndrome....

[AspiringCatLady]

Just wanted to share something which has been drummed into my head about trying to remember that there are some people who are far worse off than you when you're feeling a bit low.

It makes me laugh because my mother is always going on about how I could be far worse off than I am now, living in some grot hole, with no prospects etc etc. I always tell her "Yeah like I should feel happy, because lets face it I could've ended up like someone on a ventilator". I think by comparing yourself to others to make yourself feel better (if you're on a downer already) can be counterproductive. You have to compare like to like, if it's going to work. And in which case we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to others who are either better off or worse off anyway.

What does everyone else think about this?

 

[Tiina63]

There will always be people worse off than ourselves but when we are told to buck up and be cheerful because we are not in a worse situation, I agree with you that it does not help and is counterproductive. It is dismissive of whatever problems we might be going through and lacks all empathy. Pain is pain whatever the cause, and it should be respected and not treated as trivial. Maybe your mother has not gone through the sorts of thoughts and feelings you are going through and so is unable to understand how difficult things are for you. Even comparing like to like can be counterproductive as well as no one has gone through our exact life and experiences, and so comparisons can be meaningless. It's good you have come here as your feelings will not be dismissed here.

 

[AspiringCatLady]

Thanks Tiina63, as I had suspected, I do think my mum lacks empathy sometimes. Hmmmmm food for thought that. It's no wonder the way I feel I do sometimes! (not that i'm blaming her entirely) but I think I will sit back and think about some of the things she says in future.. thanks for the input

 

[BadGuy]

My buddies wife has MS ... uses a wheel chair
I am pretty close to her... I do stuff for her just because or to include her , like picking up Chinese takeout and having it on her patio with her
She said how it pisses her off when people complain about having to go to work .... she wishes she could go to work
Her neighbor basically drank himself to death .... she was angry about that like I had never seen

 

[Nicolelt]

I think about how people have it worse off than me. I also think about, if something bad happens, is this going to negatively affect my life forever? Most of the time the answer is no.

 

[Serenia]

At the moment I have a Parent lying in a hospital bed. One thing that keeps me going when I start to feel low is that it could be worse, they could be dead.

 

[Tealeaf]

There is such thing as perspective, but...

The Africans I meet who come from countries, cities, or social classes with violence and poverty, ironically, are often empathetic people and never swing the weight of the problems chunky Americans often point to in order to shut each other up around - there's no "I grew up with worse, shut up!" This seems to be purely a product of the already-spoiled temporarily hijacking their troubles to use them as a weapon against others: "Don't disrupt my smartphones, reality television, and KFC dinner with your complaints of the world's pain."

It's not enlightenment and maturity like people often claim it is. It's entitlement. Entitlement to not have their time or energy encroached upon without so much as feeling cold for giving someone's concerns the cold shoulder, because they're too busy feeling bad for the people with real problems.

Except they're not. Once they're done using those problems to silence someone who feels there's something to be talked about, they go back to not thinking at all about children 1,000 miles away.

That or envy. I envy people whose biggest complaint in life is that they can't get a date or that they don't feel close to their many friends and loving family, but I do have the maturity to recognize that our lives, perspectives, and situations are not the same and it's still hashing their groove. I don't expect them to be so awed by the magnitude of my my troubles in proportion to theirs that they cease to be under stress from barking dogs outside their window at 5 AM, an empty bed, or feeling like they can't talk to the people they do have.

We're social animals, and social animals share - troubles included.