Very Isolated

[neo651]

I recently got a job in the city so with commute added I'm gone about 12 hours a day and my girlfriend is home alone all day. She's searching for a job too but the market is still terrible. She's very much an extrovert and being cooped up and alone is making her very depressed. We recently moved to this area so she has few friends, the few she has work during the day too, so they're unavailable. We only have one car and I have to take it to work so she can't drive anywhere. There's nothing in walking distance and even if there were it's winter so it's frigid and there's deep snow and no sidewalks either. And we're just barely scraping by so we can't afford to have so much as a goldfish right now. She's doing the best she can to manage her depression, keeping the place tidy, taking up hobbies, making friends online but none of it is really doing the trick. I want to help her but I feel like we've thought of/tried everything to either fix it or learn to live with it and we're just at the end of our rope.

 

[Tiina63]

She could travel with you into the city when you go to work a couple of days a week and could ask around for work, go to the libraries/galleries etc and join a social group in the city which meets during the day. This would help break the monotony of her days and she might find work and friends as well.

 

[Groucho]

I recently got a job in the city so with commute added I'm gone about 12 hours a day and my girlfriend is home alone all day. She's searching for a job too but the market is still terrible. She's very much an extrovert and being cooped up and alone is making her very depressed. We recently moved to this area so she has few friends, the few she has work during the day too, so they're unavailable. We only have one car and I have to take it to work so she can't drive anywhere. There's nothing in walking distance and even if there were it's winter so it's frigid and there's deep snow and no sidewalks either. And we're just barely scraping by so we can't afford to have so much as a goldfish right now. She's doing the best she can to manage her depression, keeping the place tidy, taking up hobbies, making friends online but none of it is really doing the trick. I want to help her but I feel like we've thought of/tried everything to either fix it or learn to live with it and we're just at the end of our rope.

Well, if I might put on my jaded glasses for a second, I can see this becoming a problem, especially along the lines of trust (don't take this as a statement of fact, observation of an avoidable possibility).

The only way I can see around this is you need to redistribute the workload (if you're away for 12 hours a day and she has plenty of free time this will collapse pretty quickly).

I don't know what your work hours are like (so I'm going to assume that the 12 hours are work hours including commute time and breaks), but somehow the hours need to be redistributed, spread out.

I would say optimally you working 6 and her working 6. I know with the economic recession this might be a little idealised (I know some jobs will accept 'workshares' where two people fill the same role but do different hours), but her hours working have to increase so yours can decrease.

By redistributing the work load, that means you both get free time to see each other, and are both occupied by something.

I wouldn't recommend both of you getting 12 hour shifts as you'll likely both be exhausted and it will seem like a rat-race slog. Aside from that I don't really have much useful advice except 'captain obvious' insights.

 

[hsp]

Not to sound critical.. But it is worth remembering that you have each other, which is more than me, and possibly a few other people on this forum..

 

[lostatsea]

I think the only realistic thing you can do is get her around people more. I let myself become very isolated and it is indeed very depressing. Seeing a professional about it, I was suggested to force myself around people. Not that you have to force your girlfriend to go out, but being around people helps. Even if its going to the coffee shop and sitting there reading a book. She could bring her laptop and apply for jobs online. She could volunteer in the meantime. Anything she can muster up to be around people.

Maybe she can travel with you to work, and find things to do in the city while you're working.