What do I deserve?

[Sometimes]

It has been a hard go, to learn to allow myself anything. I always felt much more comfortable appearing to be equal or less-than, or having less-than(quantity) or less-good(quality) than other people. I am so good at self denial. After a long time of struggle, I can allow myself to have good things, but I still have to excuse myself for having good things, or else I hide the fact that I have any good things.

When I feel I have anything better than anyone else, I feel guilt and I feel fear. Picking this apart has been a long process.

Does anyone else have trouble having anything good, or at least letting anyone know that you have anything good?

 

[dd11]

Everyone has blessings and also sufferings and difficulties. I do not know that anyone " deserves" anything per se. But if you have good things then allow yourself to enjoy them.

 

[lifestream]

I do it too. Whenever I have anything good in my life, it usually gets snatched away by fate or circumstance, so I usually obfuscate on the rare occasions that good things happen to me.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I would hide having good things just because it hurts other people's egos to see you with anything nice or having anything nice.

You yourself deserve those things though. (hug)

 

[Aisha]

Everyone has blessings and also sufferings and difficulties. I do not know that anyone " deserves" anything per se. But if you have good things then allow yourself to enjoy them.

This is true. Enjoy what you have but don't let others know of it without a need. Unfortunately, people aren't always happy with someone else's happiness.

 

[dd11]

We are not responsible for someone else's happiness. We have to work out our own. And, part of that is giving yourself permission to enjoy what you enjoy. If you enjoy going going to a baseball game, then go. You don't have to justify it to anyone. You don't have to explain or justify what you like or why to others. There is nothing wrong with enjoying what you have earned in life.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You deserve what you work for, IMO.

That said, I don't feel guilty about having nice things, but I do have trouble buying myself things I don't NEED, even some things that I do need.
If you feel guilty about having things that other people don't, you could always volunteer somewhere to help the less fortunate.

 

[Despicable Me]

Does anyone else have trouble having anything good, or at least letting anyone know that you have anything good?

Yes, absolutely.

In a world of inequality and injustice, how am I to feel justified with anything I have?
I do not feel guilt or fear for what I am, but remorse. Even if I had nothing I would still feel I have too much.

People who try to justify their things just make me angry. It's one of the biggest reasons why I generally do not get along with other people. The way people justify themselves and their lives often disgusts me.

 

[dd11]

I always wondered how it is that people can be so happy in life when there is so much suffering all around. I mean you can't read the news or pick up a newspaper or just in daily life there are tragedies all around. It used to really bother me. I guess I have learned to distance myself a bit.