What I really want to tell her...

[Javiermen]

You're beautiful in every essence of the word. to bring a smile to your face I will do all that I can. I'm just trying to show you I really care, falling for me is nothing you should ever have to fear. I want to be the person to start the healing process and finish it.Lets not give up on each other


Not really a poem, just my thoughts and feelings.
My question is can it be better written or use different words, leave something out, dull, corny?

 

[Walley]

I think your sentiments are just right.
the only thing you have to watch out for, is sounding too corny. (I have a problem with doing that too btw lol)
you don't want to sound as though you copied it from a greeting card.
try to write each sentence in a way, words and grammar, in the same way that you would speak it.
say it out loud and judge whether it would be something that's likely to come out of your mouth naturally.

 

[Aihpames]

You're beautiful in every essence of the word. to bring a smile to your face I will do all that I can. I'm just trying to show you I really care, falling for me is nothing you should ever have to fear. I want to be the person to start the healing process and finish it.Lets not give up on each other


Not really a poem, just my thoughts and feelings.
My question is can it be better written or use different words, leave something out, dull, corny?

What you've written is you, and no-one else. Don't add our sentiments to it, because she might know. Just speak from your heart, and say exactly what feel. If it sounds a bit corny, then who cares. Corny is sweet!

 

[Naleena]

You're beautiful in every essence of the word. to bring a smile to your face I will do all that I can. I'm just trying to show you I really care, falling for me is nothing you should ever have to fear. I want to be the person to start the healing process and finish it.Lets not give up on each other


Not really a poem, just my thoughts and feelings.
My question is can it be better written or use different words, leave something out, dull, corny?

Wow, if someone said that to me, I think I would cry. That is so sweet. Beautiful. Heart felt.

 

[BrokenInside]

Its simply beautiful! Go ahead

 

[Evil_Genius]

I could rewrite it 1001 ways and times and it would always be me phrasing it, and my voice and my words. As said before it's your words in your voice. You can try constantly to be Oscar Wilde but you're not. You're you.....and that is so much more potent.

 

[ladyforsaken]

You're beautiful in every essence of the word. to bring a smile to your face I will do all that I can. I'm just trying to show you I really care, falling for me is nothing you should ever have to fear. I want to be the person to start the healing process and finish it.Lets not give up on each other


Not really a poem, just my thoughts and feelings.
My question is can it be better written or use different words, leave something out, dull, corny?

Wow, if someone said that to me, I think I would cry. That is so sweet. Beautiful. Heart felt.

Nal, I know right! I would react the same way.