When will such guys be accepted?( a serious question)

[Remedy]

Sorry I guess this might sound like a rant but I want to know why. In our world it seems like no one is ever happy with their relationships. A lot of guys complain about being alone and many women complain about being in such awful relationships with jerks. I guess to me it seems that(sorry i say this a lot) many guys who are quite possibly better human beings than other guys are overlooked. Such things as being more considerate of a women's feelings and not treating them like crap. Guys who won't try and get into a girl's pants or anything like that.


There are guys out there who are non jerkish and have never been in a relationship.While the guys who are jerks all the time are in one relationship after another. Why does this neverending trend keep happening? The reason I think that such a cycle exists is like I said in another thread is that people don't want someone who is ugly with the qualities you want in a human being,they want more :/. They want that special someone who looks great and possesses those qualities you want in another human being.


I dont see such a thing ever changing so it seems like such a trend will continue perpetually. Sure there are guys that look great and are really awesome, kind people but they seem so few and far between. Since great looking people don't have to work as hard and be as nice to even be accepted or be in relationships. Where as I would think that at least some of the less attractive people grow up thinking more deeply about things or kind since they have never been accepted.


Will this ever change or are we all to focused on looks and it really seems like we are.Since most of the time I see when people talk about someone they always say how pretty or handsome they are. Or how they will go out with someone if they are not "hideous". But why are there so many guys who claim to be great guys who have never been in a relationship while there are so many women who complain about being in relationships with jerks. Will the 2 sides ever meet more or will we continue down the same road?


I just think that the lonliness is a result of these guys who are most likely ugly but maybe they are just socially awkward. I am one of these guys(no duh) but to me I truly think its caused by ugliness because no girl has ever been interested in me and girls and I've never gotten the same treatment such as my friends have gotten from girls. Such as girls flirting with them, laughing, or making eye contact and smiling. Sorry, just giving some examples. So will guys who have never been in a relationship that claim to be considerate of women, really are, but are also most likely ugly or socially awkward ever be accepted more than they have been over the years?

 

[jales]

trust me, please trust me when I say this... there are women out there who are not interested in looks..

i am one of them... if i met a good guy (i have).. but if i am single and looking... and i meet a good guy, who i get along with and all the other stuff... it makes no differences what the person looks like.

honestly... i loved my husband before i even had a clue what he looked like.. i had not seen a picture and i used to wonder what he looked like.. what race he was even.. I still knew that I really really liked this guy.

There are women who dont care about looks!!!!

Also the reason girls end up in relationships with jerks is NOT cause they are hot.. its cause they are confident enough to CHASE.. i have had jerks chase me. I say..umm not really... they say.. I'll see you tomorrow at lunch..look pretty. They chase you, they dont take no as rejection.. and then after time you find things in them that are attractive..
Well that is one of the many ways... some of them are attractive from the start.. maybe because they have money or something like that... my point is just that.. its not always..he is hot, but a jerk.. so i'll get with him.

99 times out of 100 when we get with a jerk.. its cause we see things in their PERSONALITY that we like (or we are gold-diggers.. and see things in their wallets lol), later we see them for the jerks that they are

 

[Badjedidude]

Remedy, over and over again you've posted these questions, all with the same theme: Ugly guys rejected by women. This reveals that you have some deeply rooted problems with how you view yourself and your situation. If this weren't true, then you wouldn't keep posting about it. I'm not being insulting or anything, man, but seriously...I think you're hiding your head in the sand and avoiding facing the issue here.

So here's the question. Do you really consider yourself to be THAT ugly? I've never seen you, but I doubt you're ugly. I think that it has more to do with your attitude than your looks. Those women may be avoiding you because they can sense that you don't like yourself very much. Women aren't attracted to guys who are down on themselves all the time...they want confidence; a man who is comfortable in his own body and his own life.

I think that blaming your lack of success on physical appearance is not only false, but it's the easy way out. I believe that you're trying to get rid of the responsibility of having to work to be a better man to attract women. It's easy to say, "Oh, it's because of my looks, I can't do anything about that." But it takes real strength and depth of character to take this HEAD ON and try to work on your self-image, to work to gain inner confidence.

I guarantee that if you put your mind to it and begin actually confronting this problem, you'll make a ton of progress. Venting about these online won't get you anywhere:

a.) It's not your fault
b.) It's your physical appearance
c.) There's nothing you can do about it

So here's the deal: I challenge you to stop blaming your appearance and begin facing this issue. Get proactive, man...head out there and ask girls out despite how you feel about your looks. Sure, you might be hesitant because of your self-image...but do it anyway.

I think that you fear to try, and in my book that's a worse sin than failing.

----Steve

 

[shells]

Newsflash: Girls have low self-esteem, too. Believe it or not, they do. Even "attractive" girls suffer from low self-esteems for many reason. Jerks have radar for this, scoping out girls with low self-esteems. Why? Jerks want girls that are vulnerable. They will tell girls things that they want to hear, but as long as it is beneficial for them. Why do girls fall for this? Well, let me put it into perspective (even though it might totally sound off the wall... It has a point, I swear). When Germany was in a depression, they were more vulnerable to people like Hitler rising to power. They were so desperate, Hitler managed to claw his way up simply because he said the things that Germany wanted to hear at the time. They were willing to believe and follow anyone.

Now, even though I know that example seems totally irrelevant. Let's imagine that Hilter = Jerk. Jerk tells girl sweet little nothings that make her believe that she is "the one". The guy will shower her with compliments, gifts, and do anything just as a "nice guy" would do. Jerks are also chameleons. They can put on the "nice guy" act, too. The only difference is that a jerk is usually more assertive in their approach, but still knows how to be just nice enough. Once he has the girl hooked, the tables turn a little bit. He starts treating her like honeysuckle. The "honeymoon" phase has come to an end. Because she has become so dependent on his approval and constant appraisal, he can just as easily break her down. He starts by calling her names, getting jealous, and controlling. When she tries to argue, he cuts her self-esteem down further by saying it's all her fault. If he cheats, it's her fault. If he punches her, well, she "made him do it".

So, the girl finally figures out the guy is a jerk. Why does she stay? Most girls usually won't stay. However, some do. Some girl's self-esteems are so shot by the time the jerk has completely put her through the ringer. If she leaves, he may beg and plead - saying that he is sorry and that it will never happen again. She takes him back, only for the cycle to start all over again. If the guy is abusive, she might not end it in fear for her life. Or maybe the guy has threatened to kill her, or her family, or himself is she leaves.

I truly am getting tired of reading all of the posts about how ugly guys always get the short end of the stick. Well, the fact that the posters usually refers to themselves as being "unattractive" really says something about their confidence. Even though I know the original poster will not believe me when I say this - but not all girls are looking for a hot biker guy. It doesn't matter because you won't take a word of this under consideration. How do I know? You've most likely have been told several times in the past. You didn't listen then, so you most likely won't give a **** now.

My boyfriend is not a Calvin Klein model. I love him just the way he is and I would never want him to change. Even if he does change, my love for him will be just as strong as it is now. My boyfriend, although he has some insecurities, you would never know because he doesn't project them. Most would say that he appears to be very confident in himself and his abilities. Because he projects himself this way, it really does attract more people to you.

If you project to others and say you are ugly/unattractive and are an eye sore to the world, then you may convince others to think the same way as you do. Before expecting the world to keep giving you chances, why don't you give yourself a chance? It's almost like most people shoot themselves down just so others can't do it. If you are going to put yourself out there, then you can expect to be shot down once in awhile. But you'll never know if you missed out on a great opportunity because you wanted let a generalization hold you back.

PS - Allow me to repeat myself, again I am so tired of reading posts like this that make sweeping/sexist/uncalled for generalizations :club:.

 

[Badjedidude]

You've most likely have been told several times in the past. You didn't listen then, so you most likely won't give a **** now.

Right-O.

If you project to others and say you are ugly/unattractive and are an eye sore to the world, then you may convince others to think the same way as you do.

EXACTLY! Listen to this, Remedy; really understand it!

Most would say that he appears to be very confident in himself and his abilities. Because he projects himself this way, it really does attract more people to you.

Shell is completely right. The way to get girls to be attracted to you is to be (or seem) confident in yourself. Like I said in my ealier post, I challenge you to try this instead of shuffing the blame for your failures on your looks.

----Steve

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well...I guess that's what makes love or that specail someone... special???

If there's women that has all the qualities, interest, compabilty that i want are dime a dozen...women
or finding that specail someone wouldn't be so **** important to me....would she ???
I mean..honeysuckle..I'd take that. Have a different perfect chick every other day when one gets pissed at me..I'll just got to the next one. It would be so..so convient.lol
Even then I'll probably pick the craziest one out of them all..becuase that's what makes her special

You got it all wrong....man
You're saying you wanna go swimming and not get wet...
Even when it comes to sex...it gets a bit wet, slimmy and gooie stuff flying around everywhere.lol

Relationships are like that. It's not always perfect or rosie.
When you say you wanna be a nice guy..you're bascailly saying you're going to kiss a woman's ass. Some women
find that replusive as hell and you're just fooling yourself. Of course everyone wants a calm, happy lets hold fucken hands and sing cumbaaa fucken ya all day...
That's not realistic. Eventually if you live wtih someone or been envolve with someone...there's going to be disagreements, arguments..etc.
It's when honeysuckle happens that will draw out the best of both of you..if you're willing to show up with adversities and perseverance.
A guy that hasn't been with a woman or women claiming he'll be a prince in shiney armour...is delusional (with a perfect idea)
naah..man no one can kiss anyone's ass for years without being a ******* walking time bomb.

If you truley love and care for someone...you'll find a way or many ways.
Like they say..if there's a will there's a way. Both people has to want the relationship to work. It's about as simple as that.
Both parties has to be willing to work though whatever challenges or bumps in the road..or sometime even un foreseen events.
There's nothing garantee in life. Just do the best that you can and love one another as best you can...even if it means going your separate ways.
A relationship is not all about me..nor is it a oneway street. Life isn't all about me. However you gatta learn how to find a balance becuase you can't
lose yourself in a relationship or anything else in life either.

No one wants to get hurt. No one walks into a relationship thinking they'll get hurt or it'll end...
But if you wanna love..you gatta take a chance. Besides...a broken heart is an open heart.
Life is a trip...relationships are like that.

I mean how in the hell can you have self confidence if you can't tell your woman to STFU
Of course you also gatta be man enough to admit when your wrong...
Every women that I've been with had called me an ass-hole..and many other things, at one time or another.lol
I admire that about a woman...it means she has self confidence and she able to stand up for herself as a person.
They have their own ways of admitting when they're wrong too...

 

[Remedy]

I'm sorry for posting such pointless honeysuckle I can't help myself sometimes. I just get in these bouts of depression that I try to release it and I guess I do it by posting on here, I'm really sorry for that. I really want to believe what you guys say but I guess I'm my own worst enemy and its just something in my mind I cannot control. This hatred for myself is a plague consuming my mind and I don't know where the hell it came from. Probably came from how sensitive I am and how what other people say truly bothers me.

I will really try my hardest to use what you guys say in the real world when I'm out with friends again. This kind of feels like a wake up call because I feel so bad for making some of you angry. The last thing I would want to do is make people from this site hate me but I'm not helping myself much there. I feel like I'm screaming from the inside and its just something I have to release even I don't notice myself posting such nonsense. I guess I just want to feel like I'm right so I can feel like its not entirely my fault why I'm in this situation like steve said. I really do try to use what people tell me but once I finally get out there, the shyness and insecurities turn on in which I find myself unable to use what was said to me. I'm so sorry again and I'll try my hardest to use what everyone tells me and I'll try not to post such bullshit.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Don't trip man...
I didn't say what you said was piontless.
I'm not angery at you...why would i be angery at you?

Stop beating up on yourself.

Just keep it simple...If you want to be with a woman.
Just keep putting youself out there...
Make a plan...set goals.
Talk to every chick you run into...whether you want ot date her or not.
Whether you think she' into you or not. Wether you feel like it or not.

The more you put yourself out there...the more confidence you're get..the more the shyness will go away.
You gatta take baby steps. It's just like anything else in life..there's going to be a learning curve. Just make
adjustments as you go...

I used to be shy too...and i was afriad of feeling and letting my emotions out too.
mmm...I had to walk on fucken eggshells when I was a kid growing up....I felt like everything i did or say was ******* wrong.
Anything and everything i did wasn't good enough.

But you gatta try and break out of those behaviors...it's possible.

There's nothing wrong with you...Just stop thinking there's something wrong with you.

 

[Badjedidude]

I feel so bad for making some of you angry. The last thing I would want to do is make people from this site hate me but I'm not helping myself much there.

Remedy: I see...this is a problem. You're over-reacting. No one here HATES you because of what you said. No one even made any insulting personal remarks about you; why would you think anyone is angry or hates you?

Sensitivity is a blessing and a curse. It allows you to experience the world in such intensely personal ways...but you have to learn to sift through things before reacting to them. Take a moment to take a grain of salt with what you hear and see. I think that this would go a long way in helping you out with interacting with people. Don't get butt-hurt just because people on here get a bit serious when discussing things with you...just enjoy the fact that they saw fit to spend their time to actually respond to you.

It's not bullshit that you're posting...but in the future make it very clear that you are VENTING. That may save you some friction if you don't like getting a lot of serious replies to your post.

I know it's tough to get over being shy...I used to be very shy myself. But you have to literally force yourself to involve yourself with people; sweaty palms, fluttering heart and everything. The first few times you'll feel like an idoit, but if you stick with it...over time you'll notice that it's less and less of an issue...and pretty soon you'll be charging in there like you own the place!

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

I'm sorry for posting such pointless honeysuckle I can't help myself sometimes. I just get in these bouts of depression that I try to release it and I guess I do it by posting on here, I'm really sorry for that. I really want to believe what you guys say but I guess I'm my own worst enemy and its just something in my mind I cannot control. This hatred for myself is a plague consuming my mind and I don't know where the hell it came from. Probably came from how sensitive I am and how what other people say truly bothers me.

I will really try my hardest to use what you guys say in the real world when I'm out with friends again. This kind of feels like a wake up call because I feel so bad for making some of you angry. The last thing I would want to do is make people from this site hate me but I'm not helping myself much there. I feel like I'm screaming from the inside and its just something I have to release even I don't notice myself posting such nonsense. I guess I just want to feel like I'm right so I can feel like its not entirely my fault why I'm in this situation like steve said. I really do try to use what people tell me but once I finally get out there, the shyness and insecurities turn on in which I find myself unable to use what was said to me. I'm so sorry again and I'll try my hardest to use what everyone tells me and I'll try not to post such bullshit.

dear, noone hates you for venting, we all need to from time to time
(hug) x 8

i think badjedidude is right - just say that you are VENTING, so people will know - and write. i know how feeling like you are screaming inside but cannot release it feels :/ and well if writing here helps - by all means do it.
it is not nonsense, and not bs if you truly feel this way.

and well i am there for you if you need to talk - so you can always send me rant / venting pm's

 

[shells]

I feel so bad for making some of you angry. The last thing I would want to do is make people from this site hate me but I'm not helping myself much there.

Remedy: I see...this is a problem. You're over-reacting. No one here HATES you because of what you said. No one even made any insulting personal remarks about you; why would you think anyone is angry or hates you?

To echo what Steve said, I don't hate you at all. I just get tired of seeing the same posts (usually, but not always), by the same users. And what I am referring to is the generalization posts. It really gets hard to browse this site, being a female, and seeing every other posts degrading females. I'm not going to lie, YES, there are some females who are gold diggers, whores, and only want pretty guys.

But what about the rest of us?

I don't consider all guys to be creepers, rapists, or stalkers, despite my experiences. It wouldn't be fair if I lumped you with them all together. Especially when I don't even know you. So why do it to females?

It's GOOD to vent, and this is probably one of the best places to do it. However, just remember that there are users that take a lot of time in their posts. So when if someone keeps repeating the same threads regarding the same information, it makes those users feel like they wasted time/energy into their old posts. Does that make sense? Not sure if it does.

---

A strong, successful man is not the victim of his environment. He creates favorable conditions. His own inherent force and energy compel things to turn out as he desires.

If you actively do something, it will stop making you feel like a victim and you'll start feeling like part of the solution, which is just a huge benefit to your body and your psyche.

 

[Steel]

Sigh. I've said many times that these mass generalisations are simply not true. As you've probably guessed, I'm getting kind of fed up with them myself.

Shells and Jedi have already spoken a lot of sense here, so I'll just raise a simple point, which hopefully those that haven't had relationships yet, and have become bitter about it, will read and internally digest.

Those of us who disagree with these mass generalisations are invariably men or women who have had/are in relationships. Given this, isn't it overwhelmingly arrogant for you to decide that you have a better idea of how human interactions work than we do?

 

[Sway]

You've most likely have been told several times in the past. You didn't listen then, so you most likely won't give a **** now.

Right-O.

If you project to others and say you are ugly/unattractive and are an eye sore to the world, then you may convince others to think the same way as you do.

EXACTLY! Listen to this, Remedy; really understand it!

Most would say that he appears to be very confident in himself and his abilities. Because he projects himself this way, it really does attract more people to you.

Shell is completely right. The way to get girls to be attracted to you is to be (or seem) confident in yourself. Like I said in my ealier post, I challenge you to try this instead of shuffing the blame for your failures on your looks.

If ur having self image problems, I recommend that you don't focus on relationships for the time being.
I dug my own pit-hole a few years back cuz I had the exact same issues, everything that Badjedidude & Shells said in the above posts happened to me, and it sucked...

I recommend that you find out what's causing your negative thoughts, and slowly learn to love yourself. I noe it's hard, but not trying is worse than failing -Quote Badjedidude

cuz think about it, if you have trouble loving yourself, how hard do you have to work to convince someone else (girl / people) to love you?

and PS..
Find out what causes ur negative thoughts and post them on the other sections of this forum, this way you'll get a lot more beneficial advice.

peacce

 

[Remedy]

I don't really notice myself posting such generalizations but after I do I realize I did and horribly regret it. I guess I don't notice it because I don't want to be wrong and think that it is all me. This post(which I should of posted as vent) did me some good because I felt really bad after but got me thinking.Thinking that I can change the way I am and help myself by being more positive. Ever since I've been thinking more positively and I'm going to try and keep it that way. Thanks all for shedding some light on the subject and if I ever feel the need to vent again I'll try to do it in a more constructive manner.

 

[Badjedidude]

Thanks all for shedding some light on the subject and if I ever feel the need to vent again I'll try to do it in a more constructive manner.

Cool beans, dude. PowaahhH!

----Steve

 

[Wyrm]

It's true...... for us guys, personality can go a long way in making up for looks.

Girls usually end up dating the jerks because, as another member said, they have qualities that women can't help but find attractive. Nice guys tend to be too nice to women to spark attraction. They also tend to be doormats for girls, which is a big turn-off. I've noticed many times girls ask me to do something for them or say something rude to me, but what they're really doing is testing my assertiveness. If I show them that I'm a doormat, the only thing that's going on in their mind is "NEXT!" Nice guys can learn these qualities too, but our culture, for whatever reason, teaches guys how not to attract women.......... it's a strange paradox.

I don't know what goes on in the mind of a female. But based on what I see, being a strong, assertive, and confident guy has the same effect on girls as seeing a hot female does on us. It's just in their instincts to like emotionally strong, self-respecting guys. They like a guy who can handle other people (including her) effectively.

It really is a waste of time to complain about women choosing the jerks over the good guys. A more productive approach would be to learn what traits women truly like and to learn how you can incorporate those traits into your own personality.

I've noticed a huge difference in the kinds of guys that women say they like, and the ones that they actually do like. When they say that they want a sweet, caring guy...... well, 99% of the time, it isn't true. A guy's morals and principles have little to do with whether a girl feels something for a guy. It's when a guy shows certain traits that spark her basic, sub-conscious attraction. It's mostly based on on a primitive, animal-like (but completely natural and essential) instinct if you ask me, much like how we are subject to primitive male instincts when we see an attractive girl.

The OP has obviously caught on, but to any guys who read this:

Don't attention to what women say they like in a guy.

Pay attention to the kinds of guys that they go out with.

Pay attention to the guys whom they seem to give special attention to.

 

[shells]

Well, ladies and gentleman, do you all want to know what a generalization looks like?

Example A

I've noticed a huge difference in the kinds of guys that women say they like, and the ones that they actually do like. When they say that they want a sweet, caring guy...... well, 99% of the time, it isn't true.

---

PS - Indirectly calling 99% of women liars... Yeah, that's definitely going to get you somewhere with the ladies.

 

[Badjedidude]

LOL shells, you crack me up.

----Steve

 

[Wyrm]

Well, ladies and gentleman, do you all want to know what a generalization looks like?

Example A

I've noticed a huge difference in the kinds of guys that women say they like, and the ones that they actually do like. When they say that they want a sweet, caring guy...... well, 99% of the time, it isn't true.

---

PS - Indirectly calling 99% of women liars... Yeah, that's definitely going to get you somewhere with the ladies.

---

I think they say those things because that's the kind of guy that society expects them to like. But they can't really change what they do like.

My point of view may not be very female-centered, but it's important for guys to know the truth, especially guys who are having issues with women. I don't think it's sexist either, as there are plenty of girls in real life who have honestly expressed some of the things I've said.

That picture is funny and all, but I guess that's the kind of reply I get for telling it like it is, at least with some individuals anyway. But what can I say, I remember you getting offended by me stating these kinds of things before

So tell me shells, do you think that what I'm saying is not true, or does it just offend you? There's a difference you know

 

[Remedy]

I don't know what goes on in the mind of a female. But based on what I see, being a strong, assertive, and confident guy has the same effect on girls as seeing a hot female does on us. It's just in their instincts to like emotionally strong, self-respecting guys. They like a guy who can handle other people (including her) effectively.

I might be reading it wrong but were you saying that guys go for looks as strongly as women go for confident assertive guys? I mean basically did you mean that we(guys) see looks as the most important?To me I see beauty in most the girls I see and I would definitely love strong traits of an awesome personality in them more at least I would hope. Just saying if that is what you meant than no, I don't think all guys are that shallow stuck on looks. Sorry if I misinterpreted what you said in advance.