Why do you think it's difficult to make friends?

[LoneKiller]

Nobody trusts anybody anymore. Hard to open up.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm so used to people betraying me that I don't trust anybody anymore.

 

[Coeur]

People are very emotional creatures and want to share their emotions. I'm a very unemotional creature with little interest in them when it's not coming from close friends and family.

Most people have significantly more social energy than I do. I really don’t have a hope of keeping up with your average person and rely on finding those who understand that alone time is like a second sleep to me.

A small segment of these people want very much to shackle me and stuff me in a cage, and will try to do so through various manipulation techniques such as gaslighting and guilt trips. Maybe they're sociopaths or maybe they're just one of those people who think their friends are supposed to be their therapists and punching bags to relieve their mental and emotional issues.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

It's hard for me to trust anyone to be honest. I find it hard opening up to people and I'm extremely shy and anxious.
Sometimes I don't know what to even say, lol.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I can relate. I always say the wrong thing.

 

[bonin151]

well for me i dont have problem in starting a conversation
my only problem is that im too serious, i feel that people are bored when they are with me
and its hard to get friends when you dont have humor ;((
lost it when i got depressed and was admitted to a rehab, i dont know why even the medications dont help

 

[Alienated]

The biggest thing I got against me is, I lived in a drug and alcohol treatment center for 2 1/2 years.

I am a human Lie Detector..... Nobody can freaking tell the truth about anything anymore. I don't trust anyone.

 

[Solivagant]

Here's my theory. This mainly applies to those over the age of 25 though.

When you are older most people are settled with their friends. They are also settled with other areas of their life such as work, family, marriage and friends.

Once they are out of college they don't really have time to make new friends and they certainly don't want to put the effort into it therefore they just fall back on who they were friends with in high school and college. By the time they are in college even most people just hang out with the same group of friends they had in high school and for the most part this trend continues for the rest of their life(for example my brother's best friend is a guy he knew from high school and he doesn't have many close friends other than him). People are either just too busy, too self absorbed or don't want to put in the investment(and risk involved)of making new friends. Once people get to a certain age they just don't want to go out of their way to make new friends and who can blame them(especially if they already have a clique or core group they already hang out with). This is my theory anyway and I think it explains a lot.

^ This! So much this.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Yes, that is well said. People who have a lot of friends and family around don't really need any new friends. So, they aren't looking. Breaking in can be hard. What i have found is that you can find "friends of circumstance". By that i mean, you join a club and there are people who are friendly to you while you are participating in that club. And, when the club or event or circumstance is over, that is over. But, once in awhile you will click with someone and can take it beyond that, most of the time, you won't. So, find things that you care about, enjoy and are enthusiastic about. Throw yourself into that thing. And, a nice bennie is getting to know some nice people, even if only for a time.
I also think introverts try to pin people down into deeper friendships. I used to as well. Now i realize that most people dont' want deep friendships, and that's OK. I now have some peripheral friends. Like a friend to go to the movies with or a friend to work out with or ski with etc but the relationship doesn't go past there. Once i could accept that and embrace that, i think that was eye opening to me.
And, most friendships are not about YOU. What i mean, is that people are generally not rejecting you. They are just involved in whatever is going on in their lives. They don't dislike you. Honestly, they aren't thinking about you or me one way or the other. And, when i really understood this, it makes it much easier to not take to heart every friendship that fizzles out. And, if it is one thing the world has plenty of , it's people. So, keep pursuing what YOU like , enjoy and are passionate about and you will pick up new found friends along the way!

 

[blackdot]

The thing I find the most difficult about making true good friends is that people these days do not communicate. Talking or writing seemed to be very frowned upon in life.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I sometimes find that overtures of friendship are ignored and/or not returned for reasons unknown.

 

[African_weasel]

For me it's:
1.) I'm shy.
2.) I don't drink alcohol.
3.) I don't understand the methods people communicate these days.

It's the same way for me as well expect for #1

 

[MTrip]

Among other reasons, because we live in a socially atomized society wherein the rationales behind human groups these days are transitory in nature: Common interests (which are usually a shallow expression of consumerism & so are fluid & easily abandoned) & colleagues in work (in which alliances are usually made for selfish reasons). Earlier times certainly had their share of woes, but friendships were often more real: You were born, lived & died in the same town as your friends lived, so there was more opportunity & time to make a real friend, as opposed to an acquaintance.

---

The other thing is, in order to make new friends you must first have a basic liking for people. I don't. If I meet someone who isn't run-of-the-mill, who uses his head as more than a hatrack, then there's a chance we'll become friends. But that's unusual; most people are just annoying.

 

[jonagelle]

Some people are choosy with whom they want to make friends with. Or they find that you have skills where they can't achieve. They find you not a friend but rather a competent. They evaluate first the kind of friend they have before they mingle further with them. Skills that you have enable to make friend is that you must be approachable. Be polite and helpful. Be vocal, that is a big contribution. They don't want boring people. Aside from from the values of treasuring friendship like being compassionate, you must be talkative when you are with them. Take and receive. while you get stories from them continue the stories with your response. Be responsive and vocal. Initiate talks among your friends.

*promotion removed*

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I had zero trouble making friends when I was younger. I grew up and got married right out of high school and then we had kids before most people even thought of settling down. I wasn't on the same page as most of my friends who went off to have adventures. I felt I had lived twice as long as them because of a rocky childhood. I was wise beyond my years and my heart was already aged from loss and dangerous situations. While they needed a wild time and fun beyond parental boundaries I needed calm and stability. They wanted out, I wanted a stable family life and a home that didn't change. I had lost so many people I loved by the time I graduated that I wasn't able to extend my affection anymore to people outside my family circle. I think I might have some undiagnosed attachment disorder after it all. I can only befriend and trust the people closest to me that are tried and true. I worked out in the public about three years ago. Nothing had changed, I was still fine making social friends but I wouldn't let anyone closer than that. People always seem to like me and I like them. But liking and trusting are two completely separate things.

Part of a poem by Tim Burton about a voodoo doll (that's me alright)

Her skin is white cloth
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.
But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets too close to her,
the pins stick farther in.

 

[Alienated]

Nobody knows what a real friend is anymore.... Wouldn't even know when or if they found one.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I don't think that's true at all. I had a great friend, known her since high school. We went through so much together. We had a falling out for awhile and then got back together like nothing ever happened. I was at her wedding, and later she was out my house when she found out she was pregnant. She told me she thought she might be (they had been trying for awhile). I told her I had a spare pregnancy test in the bathroom. She took it, and she was so excited she was crying and we were jumping up and down hugging. Six months after her son was born, she died in a tragic accident. She's a block over from my house, buried. Don't think that friends don't exist because they most certainly do. And this is one more reason why I don't let anyone close to me. Stuff happens and then you hurt so bad for so long when you lose them

 

[loosewheel]

Oh, should I do it. Sorry I can't help myself...

I think it's difficult to make friends because technology hasn't progressed to manufacturing that quality of parts yet. Maybe in another few years. Until then, we just have to pick from the ones that grow wild.

I did find a packet of cut out people once that said “Make 25 cut out friends”. I bought it and said to my daughter “Look, I made 25 friends today”, and she laughed.

I don't have any friends. You can probably tell why. Lucky my kids are stuck with me.

 

[davey]

What factors make it hard to make a friend?

I mean, some people are natural at that while some just don't have the skills?!?! What skills could they be lacking? Why do you think you don't have friends?

Come on let's figure out what's wrong and how to make friends!

Well, I have have had eleven beers and I have nine to go. Beer is happiness; people is misery.

 

[ardour]

Among other reasons, because we live in a socially atomized society wherein the rationales behind human groups these days are transitory in nature: Common interests (which are usually a shallow expression of consumerism & so are fluid & easily abandoned)[/color][/font]

So true, it can be just as uncomfortable talking outside of the "common interest" as it would be with strangers. People are desperate to cling to any commonality, which is understandable considering how hard it is to make friends. Sadly, one shared interest is usually just that.