You CANNOT Win As a Single Person

[TheRealCallie]

So, you're suggesting that people who have a partner are in some sort of "club" that works to keep single people single, so their "club" can remain "special?"

Oh man. lol *facepalm*

There might be an opinion that, since they managed to find a partner, there's something inferior about those who can't.

Some people don't need partners to feel like everyone else is inferior. lol

Anyone, back on topic, not everyone WANTS a partner, so to say they "can't" is wrong, but I get your point. I could likely find a partner if I wanted one, but I don't want one.

However, going back to the title of the thread, winning is subjective. You can't win if you don't let yourself or you let other people get to you. But, there's nothing wrong with being single. I'm stronger single, I'm more independent, I'm more focused and determined. To me, that's winning.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with Snglgrl2015-for many people in relationships, being alone is their biggest fear, so they can't cope if they hear us saying that we find being alone hard and lonely. They want us to cope with it incase in future they find themselves alone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Many people do actually feel that they are more powerful when they have a partner and the truth is that they are. It comes across in their actions and behaviours towards single people.

I do also believe that , in general and perhaps subconsciously people do have an unconscious need to have single people exist so that they can feel lucky, blessed and more superior.

Sorry if that offends married people but I cant change what i have leaned from my experiences and I doubt others can either. But then in reality, how could a married person see how a single person gets treated if they aren't single?

As for a " club" I'd like to venture a guess that this is what is known as "a figure of speech".

Meaning in general, as a collective whole, it appears that people largely tend to enjoy the superiority they get out of having a mate for support. It seems it makes them feel functional, loved, lucky and worthy, and in many cases allows them to perceive the unmarried as " having something wrong with them.

Society does this, and its obvious in the fact that politicians and people in any spotlight want to have a mate by their side as they are aware that society just likes it that way and will think more of them.

Reality is reality, just because we don't like it or don't participate in it doesn't mean the general perceptions don't exist.

This whole entire notion is ridiculous. I'm sorry, but it's bullshit. I have no other thoughts on this idea other than that. There is no power in a relationship other than to the people in it. It has nothing to do with anyone else, single or otherwise.

If you idolize people in relationships because you're single, that's on you. I don't personally care if anyone else is single or not. Their private lives have nothing to do with me or my relationship. I don't want to keep single people around to feel empowered... Doesn't that sound like total nonsense? Because it does to me.

 

[jd7]

There might be an opinion that, since they managed to find a partner, there's something inferior about those who can't.

Many people do actually feel that they are more powerful when they have a partner and the truth is that they are. It comes across in their actions and behaviours towards single people.

I do also believe that , in general and perhaps subconsciously people do have an unconscious need to have single people exist so that they can feel lucky, blessed and more superior.

Sorry if that offends married people but I cant change what i have leaned from my experiences and I doubt others can either. But then in reality, how could a married person see how a single person gets treated if they aren't single?

As for a " club" I'd like to venture a guess that this is what is known as "a figure of speech".

Meaning in general, as a collective whole, it appears that people largely tend to enjoy the superiority they get out of having a mate for support. It seems it makes them feel functional, loved, lucky and worthy, and in many cases allows them to perceive the unmarried as " having something wrong with them.

Society does this, and its obvious in the fact that politicians and people in any spotlight want to have a mate by their side as they are aware that society just likes it that way and will think more of them.

Reality is reality, just because we don't like it or don't participate in it doesn't mean the general perceptions don't exist.

It's not healthy to dedicate this much time and energy into figuring out what 'people' think. I've never given a **** about how my 'singleness' or 'togetherness' measured me up against other people. Be careful that you don't allow cynicism to stretch into paranoia.

Now, I've noticed others being 'shocked' that I'm single, but I've never seen the world-at-large condemn me for it.

 

[brickinthewall]

Just dropping in to say that I completely understand you OP, I'm pretty much in the same situation.

Don't know what to say other then forget what anyone says , do what makes you happy and keep your hopes up.

 

[SofiasMami]

So, you're suggesting that people who have a partner are in some sort of "club" that works to keep single people single, so their "club" can remain "special?"

Oh man. lol *facepalm*

There might be an opinion that, since they managed to find a partner, there's something inferior about those who can't.

Oh dear, I'm not sure about that. I feel sorry for my married friends sometimes when they tell me their problems and think "I'm glad I'm single". Insecure single and non-single people will always find a way to lord it over others and feel superior; I've been around the block a few times and haven't encountered any superior-feeling marrieds. A famous (married) woman once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

-Teresa

 

[Peaches]

well, for career, research and such having a partner is pretty fundamental, because you have someone to shop for you, care for you etc and you save a huge amount of time that you should spend with other kinds of human connection - a selected few have a really cold temper and can just go ahead and work and they don't need anything (think Nikola Tesla, bless him) but most people need support. Also there was another thread about how having a working partner is a security to fall back on if you start a new company, I would say that is quite true.
Of course there are crappy relationships that take the energy out of everything, but a good relationship I think it's fundamental for career. Not sure about other things.
Anyway, I disagree with the whole concept of WIN, life is not a competition.

PS I have met hundreds of superior-feeling married people, but it was mostly their problem.

 

[stork_error]

There is no power in a relationship other than to the people in it. It has nothing to do with anyone else, single or otherwise.

Actually it does. When I apply for a job and mrs jane doe who is equally qualified applies for a job and she gets it because she has a husband, then yes she does have the power over me. And not because she is anything better than i am, but because society has created stereotypical perceptions of " The Single person " :
-Difficult
-Less able to cope
-Something wrong with them
-Not good for public presentation
-Emotionally unstable
-Attachment issues

If you idolize people in relationships because you're single, that's on you.

Recognizing the behaviors of society in regards to how perceptions exist and how steroetypes affect individuals is not " idolizing people" I have no idea and Im confused as to how you relate one to the other. I find your perception of my thoughts odd.

I don't personally care if anyone else is single or not.

Me either but remember you are speaking for yourself, not for the majority of society. Thats nice that your are different but it is still what it is, and it is a stereotypical society that thinks single people have something wrong with them. Do i give a fresia what they think? Hell no. Do I care if jane doe gets the job instead of me, hell yes I do. Its the difference between stereotyping and discriminating. People can stereotype all they want, it doesnt define me, but loosing a job for example is quite different.

It's not healthy to dedicate this much time and energy into figuring out what 'people' think

.
Its not time consuming to think, and it doesn't require a lot of energy. Thoughts are like that.

I've never given a **** about how my 'singleness' or 'togetherness' measured me up against other people.

Maybe you've never had to experience a judgement that has a tangible effect such a loosing a job opportunity or promotion.

Be careful that you don't allow cynicism to stretch into paranoia.

There is a fine line between naivety, reality and paranoia. Be careful that you don't allow optimism to stretch into naivety

Now, I've noticed others being 'shocked' that I'm single, but I've never seen the world-at-large condemn me for it.

Exactly, and when and if you do, you will understand

 

[ardour]

Actually it does. When I apply for a job and mrs jane doe who is equally qualified applies for a job and she gets it because she has a husband, then yes she does have the power over me. And not because she is anything better than i am, but because society has created stereotypical perceptions of " The Single person " :
-Difficult
-Less able to cope
-Something wrong with them
-Not good for public presentation
-Emotionally unstable
-Attachment issues

Having a significant other is akin to being 'vouched for'; someone has seen fit to spend the rest of their lives with you.

The lifelong single person on the other hand...

 

[VanillaCreme]

When I apply for a job, I always put single. It's not affected my job status one way or another.

Anyway, I truly fail to see what's superior about being in a relationship as opposed to being single.

 

[Solivagant]

Actually it does. When I apply for a job and mrs jane doe who is equally qualified applies for a job and she gets it because she has a husband, then yes she does have the power over me. And not because she is anything better than i am, but because society has created stereotypical perceptions of " The Single person " :
-Difficult
-Less able to cope
-Something wrong with them
-Not good for public presentation
-Emotionally unstable
-Attachment issues

Having a significant other is akin to being 'vouched for'; someone has seen fit to spend the rest of their lives with you.

The lifelong single person on the other hand...

When I apply for a job, I always put single. It's not affected my job status one way or another.

I wonder if this could be a cultural thing. I have a friend in Australia who's told me he's less likely to be offered a job because he's single, and this has always baffled me. Where I'm from they don't care one way or another. On the whole, all that matters is how much money they think you'll make them; how skilled you are, how much experience you have, how often you'll work, how productive you'll be, etc. In fact if anything, being single could be seen as an advantage to employers, because they may think a single person is less likely to take off work for family matters. It seems that in AU and thereabouts, the attitude is different. It still baffles me though.

 

[jd7]

Where the hell do you people live where a potential employer inquires about your relationship status? That's beyond bizarre. Are we talking about W-4 tax forms? (for the Americans, I suppose)

In over twenty years of working life, I've never been asked if I was married or not...

 

[Erevetot]

Where the hell do you people live where a potential employer inquires about your relationship status? That's beyond bizarre. Are we talking about W-4 tax forms? (for the Americans, I suppose)

In over twenty years of working life, I've never been asked if I was married or not...

i've personaly lost a job due to sexism, it was a bartender job and they choose a girl, less qualified than me just cause she was willing to show a lot, and, well, im a man. They actually asked her if she's single, or if her BF would make any scenes about customers flirting her. But it was a crap job, I doubt stuff like that matter in the "big boy jobs".

---

and to adress the other weird thing i read. If you think that people in relationships around you, want you to stay simple so they feel superior, get them out of your life. Its not normal, so if you got toxic people like that in your life, things will only go worse.

 

[SofiasMami]

Where the hell do you people live where a potential employer inquires about your relationship status? That's beyond bizarre. Are we talking about W-4 tax forms? (for the Americans, I suppose)

In over twenty years of working life, I've never been asked if I was married or not...

It's illegal in the US for employers to ask about one's marital status. Of course, it's not illegal for an employee to volunteer that type of info though. I've been in the working world since 1988 and never been asked my relationship status in an interview or application. Not once.

-Teresa

 

[Sci-Fi]

That is only required if you go on a benefits package that the business may offer. Your status affects what you are applicable for if it has a family plan which will cover spouses/children etc. It really doesn't affect your job status much, except when it might come to someone needing time off because they have something with their kids, some bosses will think since you are single you have no responsibilities and will be more lenient towards adults with children. Before anyone jumps on me I've seen this happen and have been victim to it because I am single with no children. It's been said to my face before.

As for job hunting goes since I'm a white male I am having a much harder time finding a job. A lot of places are looking to hire women, minorities, veterans, etc, I've even come across a few job postings which will have that printed on the bottom. There was even one job I applied for that had an "optional" section where you could answer personal questions "which would not affect your consideration for the job" and asked all the personal questions which are illegal of them to ask. With it being "optional" and up to you to fill out of your own free will they get away with it.

As for all this stuff about high and mighty couples shitting on single people, yeah that happens, but it is only a small few who do crap like that. Most are more respectful and some are even envious. There are single people who will act all high and mighty too, it works both ways.

 

[ABrokenMan]

In the US, tax laws benefit married people more than single people.

 

[SofiasMami]

In the US, tax laws benefit married people more than single people.

I've heard married couples complain about the "marriage penalty" when they file their federal taxes. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, isn't it? I suppose there will always be something to complain about or discuss when it comes to relationships and male/ female topics.

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

In the US, tax laws benefit married people more than single people.

I don't know the reason behind this or how it started, but it's still not worth actually getting married.

 

[jd7]

Where the hell do you people live where a potential employer inquires about your relationship status? That's beyond bizarre. Are we talking about W-4 tax forms? (for the Americans, I suppose)

In over twenty years of working life, I've never been asked if I was married or not...

It's illegal in the US for employers to ask about one's marital status. Of course, it's not illegal for an employee to volunteer that type of info though. I've been in the working world since 1988 and never been asked my relationship status in an interview or application. Not once.

-Teresa

Yah... exactly... It is illegal. In my last interview, my foreman asked my age and the HR guy actually elbowed him. I told him though and we had a good laugh, then I got the job.

 

[EveWasFramed]

In the US, tax laws benefit married people more than single people.

I don't know the reason behind this or how it started, but it's still not worth actually getting married.

This actually depends on combined income and what state you live in.

There is a plethora of questions that a potential employer can ask that can give them an idea about one's age, family status, etc.
Questions like...what year did you graduate...who takes care of your children when they are sick...things like that.
Some states have very clear laws about those kinds of questions and some don't.
Wow...I think we've gone slightly off topic.