Your parents backward opinions?

[CenotaphGirl]

Ok, I'll ask this: what would you want of your own children?

I want them to be happy, I couldn't care less about what nationality or race or whatever they end up with

 

[TheRealCallie]

So is this a hypothetical question or is there someone that you don't think your mom would approve of in your life?

I mean, if it's hypothetical, I wouldn't worry so much about something that isn't an issue. Why give yourself more to stress about?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So is this a hypothetical question or is there someone that you don't think your mom would approve of in your life?

I mean, if it's hypothetical, I wouldn't worry so much about something that isn't an issue. Why give yourself more to stress about?

It's more like I shut myself off to people, sometimes I wanna get to know someone but I always have this wall up because it's against the "rules"which is crazy, I just think at some point my parents opinions were supposed to mean so less to me, but it's like I haven't got there, I've been watching YouTube videos on it lol Like how to care a little less about what your parents think.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Would you pick your own happiness if it meant losing them though?

My parents are addicts, they don't really give a honeysuckle about me, they give a honeysuckle about what I can do for them. It's been that way most of my life. I love them, but I keep them at a distance somewhat for that reason. That's also sadly how I learned what desperation will do to humans. They will fresia my life up if I let them get too involved.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ugh this question is clouding my mind a lot lately… can one disobey everything taught for a “man”… I just dont know…

 

[VanillaCreme]

Late to the party, but if that was the case for me, I have quite a bit of races to pick from. And just recently found out that I am part Irish. I was with a white guy, but that never bothered my parents. All my mom wanted was grandkids. I brought her home her granddog, and that's the best I could do.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Late to the party, but if that was the case for me, I have quite a bit of races to pick from. And just recently found out that I am part Irish. I was with a white guy, but that never bothered my parents. All my mom wanted was grandkids. I brought her home her granddog, and that's the best I could do.

Wish my mum could be more accepting

 

[Claudia1794]

Wish my mum could be more accepting

What is she not accepting with?

 

[Galen]

Late coming into this, but for what it's worth, the choice should inevitably be yours, not theirs. After all it's not them who are going to be with that person but you. It's your life after all. They can offer their advice/opinions much as anyone else can but in situations such as these, it should only be used to help you arrive to a more informed decision.
Situations such as these, there needs to be flexibility, not rigidity. It's stating the obvious that people need to be judged based on how they are as a person, not from what race, nationality, religion they are from or what football team they may support.

I've seen this happen many times before within families, some come around and show acceptance, others sadly don't. It can be a difficult call to make, I know and I've seen the shitstorms it can create. But that's more down to others showing a distinct lack of flexibility where it comes to thinking regardng relationships.
End of the day, maybe it's best to state your case and do what you feel is right for you, not others.

 

[user 139760]

My parents are wise enough to know they aren't perfect sometimes, intelligent enough to know I'll make my own bed with sound judgment and tolerant enough to accept views and ideas that clash with their own. I don't believe a parent worthy of the word should do otherwise.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What is she not accepting with?

She's not accepting of anything modern lol

Late coming into this, but for what it's worth, the choice should inevitably be yours, not theirs. After all it's not them who are going to be with that person but you. It's your life after all. They can offer their advice/opinions much as anyone else can but in situations such as these, it should only be used to help you arrive to a more informed decision.
Situations such as these, there needs to be flexibility, not rigidity. It's stating the obvious that people need to be judged based on how they are as a person, not from what race, nationality, religion they are from or what football team they may support.

I've seen this happen many times before within families, some come around and show acceptance, others sadly don't. It can be a difficult call to make, I know and I've seen the shitstorms it can create. But that's more down to others showing a distinct lack of flexibility where it comes to thinking regardng relationships.
End of the day, maybe it's best to state your case and do what you feel is right for you, not others.

It's the most scary thing for me to do the one thing my mother, and late father told me not to do. I always thought, I'd do it when dad passes, or I move very far away from him, so then he wont have to see it. Now he is actually gone, I feel deep shame for even considering doing something I know he would be furious with. My mum would never, ever, accept it, ever. Just feels like sooo much pressure to be perfect.

My parents are wise enough to know they aren't perfect sometimes, intelligent enough to know I'll make my own bed with sound judgment and tolerant enough to accept views and ideas that clash with their own. I don't believe a parent worthy of the word should do otherwise.

You have lovely sounding parents Richard, my friends make fun of how strict mine are, it's the running joke.

 

[user 139760]

You have lovely sounding parents Richard, my friends make fun of how strict mine are, it's the running joke.

Well strict isn't the question. My parents were also very strict and have their own flaws, like I do, like anyone does. My father, for example, told me when I was very young if I dated a black girl he'd be kind of... disappointed. But if it'd happen, if she was a significant other in my life, he'd accept her and be happy. He's wise enough to know he's a product of his time and some of his views are intolerant. He wouldn't force them on me.
As it should be. There's a difference between intolerance and strictness.

 

[Galen]

It's the most scary thing for me to do the one thing my mother, and late father told me not to do. I always thought, I'd do it when dad passes, or I move very far away from him, so then he wont have to see it. Now he is actually gone, I feel deep shame for even considering doing something I know he would be furious with. My mum would never, ever, accept it, ever. Just feels like sooo much pressure to be perfect.

One hell of a difficult situation to be in to say the least, choosing between basically what would make you happy and what would make your parents happy and how do you find the middle ground? I understand that feeling of pressure to being perfect, but in this case in who's eyes exactly?

Honestly as you probably already know, there is no ready made answer to this one. Too many factors based on individual's perceptions to consider. As I've said previously, I've known people in similar situations as yours. Some just followed their heart's desire and went for the one they wanted only to be shunned by their family. Other's in some cases most of their relatives eventually came round. Mind you there was one guy, he was understandably shitting Mars bars at the though of having to tell his parents (as well as his elder brothers) of the decision that he had made. Came good in the end though (somehow lol).

 

[insecure]

Don't you think that in the beginning they might react negatively, but when they get to know him, and see how much you love him, and how important he is to you, that they might start to soften up?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Don't you think that in the beginning they might react negatively, but when they get to know him, and see how much you love him, and how important he is to you, that they might start to soften up?

Depends on how deep the hatred lies. My grandfather actually disowned my cousin and her kids because she had kids with a black guy. He refused to see her or even hear about her.

 

[Claudia1794]

My nephew is mixed race but no one in my family ever treated my sister or my nephew any differently. There were issues in our town when she first went out with a black guy but they were just ignorant rednecks. I will say that the only issue I had was with a child being half black half white in schools around here the child sometimes has a hard time fitting in. I’ve witnessed this in the school system and it’s only with the children that are half black. I know it’s because we are in the south and well it’s the south. My grandmother, born in 1920, was incredibly supportive of my sisters relationship and her choices so much so that when here siblings were embarrassed by my sister my grandmother chose her grand daughter and great grandson over her siblings. They all eventually came around though.

 

[Finished]

My nephew is mixed race but no one in my family ever treated my sister or my nephew any differently. There were issues in our town when she first went out with a black guy but they were just ignorant rednecks. I will say that the only issue I had was with a child being half black half white in schools around here the child sometimes has a hard time fitting in. I’ve witnessed this in the school system and it’s only with the children that are half black. I know it’s because we are in the south and well it’s the south. My grandmother, born in 1920, was incredibly supportive of my sisters relationship and her choices so much so that when here siblings were embarrassed by my sister my grandmother chose her grand daughter and great grandson over her siblings. They all eventually came around though.

Wow! Impressive. Most of the older generation was racist.

 

[Claudia1794]

Wow! Impressive. Most of the older generation was racist.

True but my grandmother was an exceptional woman. She truly loved unconditionally.

 

[user 139760]

Wow! Impressive. Most of the older generation was racist.

True. My grandmother is similar as well. But I don't particularly blame the older generations for it; they are the products of a different time, a different society. It's up to us to change it and teach our kids and those that come after us differently. I'm a fervent believer in "those that fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it".

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My nephew is mixed race but no one in my family ever treated my sister or my nephew any differently. There were issues in our town when she first went out with a black guy but they were just ignorant rednecks. I will say that the only issue I had was with a child being half black half white in schools around here the child sometimes has a hard time fitting in. I’ve witnessed this in the school system and it’s only with the children that are half black. I know it’s because we are in the south and well it’s the south. My grandmother, born in 1920, was incredibly supportive of my sisters relationship and her choices so much so that when here siblings were embarrassed by my sister my grandmother chose her grand daughter and great grandson over her siblings. They all eventually came around though.

So familiar I found this triggering to read, I remember just wanting to fit in soo much at school, to the point I would have taken a literal pill to be like everyone else. Most people do not understand my weird dynamic, I am adopted, so I just fit in no where, not at home and not at school.

I was bullied and excluded so harsh that I dont even know if I like "white men" for good reasons or just due to the torture I faced. Eh... still face in some circumstances. It's like I just want to be happy and forget all that time, but its a lot of baggage.