Your parents backward opinions?

[CenotaphGirl]

Hey guys, quick question, if you really liked someone but your parents want you to be with someone who was the same nationality or race as yourself...
Would you give up the chance of that romance, if you knew being with that person would cause disappointment or would you stand true in love?
I'm an adult, yet I still feel so trapped in who I am, and who I am meant to be, would you pick love over your parents happiness?

 

[Colster]

Always have, and always will, do my own thing. Love is such a priceless beautiful thing, and when it's genuine, race status, become unimportant. What's the point in a throne, if you have nobody to share it with.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Always have, and always will, do my own thing. Love is such a priceless beautiful thing, and when it's genuine, race status, become unimportant. What's the point in a throne, if you have nobody to share it with.

But what if it meant, losing others that you love? Like if they would literally disown you?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Do they really love you if they can't be happy for you?

Yeah, no one will tell me what to do. I come from a very racist family. I've dated other races before, but it never got serious enough with those guys to "meet the family" I'm not opposed to anyone, regardless of race, religion, nationality, etc. If I should meet someone in those categories and fall in love, my family can either deal with it or disown me. I don't give a fresia. If they really love me they will accept it. Might be hard at first and take some of them some time to come to terms with it, but I think eventually most of them would.

Besides, I already have experience with some of my family disowning me, so fresia it.

 

[Colster]

But what if it meant, losing others that you love? Like if they would literally disown you?

They can jog on. Anyone petulant and childish enough to try and control others, just aren't worth worrying about. We're on this planet for such a short time, surely it should be filled with happiness and the things you want.

 

[Colster]

For argument sake, let's run with this hypothesis.

Aged 20, and parents aged 50. They still hold power, influence, and financial security.

another 20 years on, aged 40, parents aged 70, the power shifts as they become more reliant upon others. Influence has diminished significantly, and financially can alter dramatically in either direction.

a further 20 years on, aged 60, parents aged 90. You wield the power. You hold the influence. Financial security of your parent's is likely dependant upon decisions you make for them.

you aged 80, alone with a life wasted.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

For argument sake, let's run with this hypothesis.

Aged 20, and parents aged 50. They still hold power, influence, and financial security.

another 20 years on, aged 40, parents aged 70, the power shifts as they become more reliant upon others. Influence has diminished significantly, and financially can alter dramatically in either direction.

a further 20 years on, aged 60, parents aged 90. You wield the power. You hold the influence. Financial security of your parent's is likely dependant upon decisions you make for them.

you aged 80, alone with a life wasted.

It's so confusing, I feel like I owe my parents everything, disappointing them feels like i'm slapping them in the face.

But, life is so short, I don't wanna look back with regret at all.

 

[user 148069]

well, my mom hated every guy I dated in the past because of their race. Except the irony of it all was that she herself married my dad who was of another race and religion! So I fought back everytime and pointed out that hypocrisy.

My relationship with my mom now is strained and we haven't really talked in years. Do I wish that things were different and we were closer? Occasionally, yes, but not at the expense of my autonomy being taken away.

 

[ringwood]

But what if it meant, losing others that you love? Like if they would literally disown you?

Obviously you love your parents, but if they can't see beyond their own selfish (and racist) needs and wants and would go so far as to disown their own child because of it. . . so be it. You can't go through life following the wishes of others - you need to stay true to what you want.

 

[Finished]

The older generations are typically more racists then the younger ones. Different times. My dad had several black friends and didn't seem racist. But, there was no way in hell he would accept his friends or his kids dating a black person. I watched him disown his only friend of 30+ years because he married a black woman. I never thought much of it until a young black woman was attracted to me, about the only woman that ever was. I was curious about the idea and interested. But, my dad would have disowned me and it would have torn him apart.

So, I kindly avoided the situation. At the time I thought that I was sure I'd have many more opportunities. My dad has been long dead and I look back and think should I have went for it or not? No. I made the right decision at the time. My relationship with my dad was worth more to me then a possible relationship with that girl. Now that all my family is dead and nobody even knows me, I'll date just about anything that walks or crawls in one form or another. I took that last part from the movie Unforgiven. Ha! ha! Good movie! Skin color is insignifcant to me at this point.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

well, my mom hated every guy I dated in the past because of their race. Except the irony of it all was that she herself married my dad who was of another race and religion! So I fought back everytime and pointed out that hypocrisy.

My relationship with my mom now is strained and we haven't really talked in years. Do I wish that things were different and we were closer? Occasionally, yes, but not at the expense of my autonomy being taken away.

Thats crazy!!! judging you but doing it too! Never heard of such things. I'm so afraid of being a disappointment, I sometimes just question myself, like why dont I just do the"right thing" and find someone like myself... how hard can it be?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Obviously you love your parents, but if they can't see beyond their own selfish (and racist) needs and wants and would go so far as to disown their own child because of it. . . so be it. You can't go through life following the wishes of others - you need to stay true to what you want.

I guess i'm scared it could make me too dependent on a man too quickly, if he's literally all I have, you know?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The older generations are typically more racists then the younger ones. Different times. My dad had several black friends and didn't seem racist. But, there was no way in hell he would accept his friends or his kids dating a black person. I watched him disown his only friend of 30+ years because he married a black woman. I never thought much of it until a young black woman was attracted to me, about the only woman that ever was. I was curious about the idea and interested. But, my dad would have disowned me and it would have torn him apart.

So, I kindly avoided the situation. At the time I thought that I was sure I'd have many more opportunities. My dad has been long dead and I look back and think should I have went for it or not? No. I made the right decision at the time. My relationship with my dad was worth more to me then a possible relationship with that girl. Now that all my family is dead and nobody even knows me, I'll date just about anything that walks or crawls in one form or another. I took that last part from the movie Unforgiven. Ha! ha! Good movie! Skin color is insignifcant to me at this point.

Wow, you and your dad was so close but he would have disowned ya? Thats awful, I wish I understood why it's soo bad, I think im afraid of losing my mum because life's short... I lost my dad, I cant lose her too, but she's wrong, I wish I could stand up to her and say it, you know?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I actually told my grandfather he can go ahead and disown me and my kids after he disowned my cousin, simply because she was dating a black man and her kids look black. That wasn't exactly hard for me though because that wasn't the first racist as fresia incident with him.

But at some point in your life you have to realize that it's YOUR life and if something or someone could make you happy, you have to risk it. If your parents really love you, they'll come to terms with it. You just have to keep reaching out and make sure she knows that she's always welcome if and when she can at the very least be civil to him.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I actually told my grandfather he can go ahead and disown me and my kids after he disowned my cousin, simply because she was dating a black man and her kids look black. That's wasn't exactly hard for me though because that wasn't the first racist as fresia incident with him.

But at some point in your life you have to realize that it's YOUR life and if something or someone could make you happy, you have to risk it. If your parents really love you, they'll come to terms with it. You just have to keep reaching out and make sure she knows that she's always welcome if and when she can at the very least be civil to him.

I can tell you're a no nonsense kinda chick Callie, I cant believe so many people go through this, I thought my mum was the only person still talking about this. It just seems so old fashioned, I think she's trying to protect me, but I feel so pushed away.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

My parents didn't even pick their own **** happiness in life.
So why the Hell would I listen to someone who's just as messed up as the rest of society?
I don't hate them, I love them, I just prefer them at a distance, because if I don't keep them at a distance they will fresia my life up, be it intentional or not is besides the point to me.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My parents didn't even pick their own **** happiness in life.
So why the Hell would I listen to someone who's just as messed up as the rest of society?
I don't hate them, I love them, I just prefer them at a distance, because if I don't keep them at a distance they will fresia my life up, be it intentional or not is besides the point to me.

Would you pick your own happiness if it meant losing them though?

 

[Sunless Sky]

Hey guys, quick question, if you really liked someone but your parents want you to be with someone who was the same nationality or race as yourself...
Would you give up the chance of that romance, if you knew being with that person would cause disappointment or would you stand true in love?
I'm an adult, yet I still feel so trapped in who I am, and who I am meant to be, would you pick love over your parents happiness?

To answer your original question, no, I wouldn't let my parents views get in the way of love.

That being said however, my parents only want what's best for me and I love them and respect their opinions, especially my mother's. She did once tell me she didn't want me marrying a black girl, not because she was racist, but because she didn't want my kids going through racism.

I'd like to believe my parents would trust me and respect my choice.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

To answer your original question, no, I wouldn't let my parents views get in the way of love.

That being said however, my parents only want what's best for me and I love them and respect their opinions, especially my mother's. She did once tell me she didn't want me marrying a black girl, not because she was racist, but because she didn't want my kids going through racism.

I'd like to believe my parents would trust me and respect my choice.

Sometimes it's just so hard to know what to do, my parents never made suggestions, they were just a bit more like, do as I say lol. My dads gone, but I know what he expected of me and it can make me feel trapped in guilt to not follow what he wants.

 

[Colster]

Sometimes it's just so hard to know what to do, my parents never made suggestions, they were just a bit more like, do as I say lol. My dads gone, but I know what he expected of me and it can make me feel trapped in guilt to not follow what he wants.

Ok, I'll ask this: what would you want of your own children?