Wow you have a lot of issues at this time. I feel bad for you, but do know we care. Just limited in our ability to help. Do not give up on life. Hang in there. I learned over the years that all humans are not God fearing, caring, creatures. Many out there are in survival mode, competition for whatever. Some show no remorse, cold and unsypathetic. It is a very tough world out there and some would just as soon rid of you than deal with us. It is sad and a problematic that we cannot just walk out the door and start to blend in, fit the picture, be happy. Not a blessed life, not a cursed life, it is just plain life!! Life is not fair,...period!! I understand your sadness and why, I just wish I had answers for you. Be strong, do what feels right for you.
Good luck to you!!!