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Which one is the worst? Rejection, Failure, or Humiliation?
#1
My 3 greatest fears. What about you?
Something tells me most of us here have a rather hard time handling either rejection, failures, humiliations, or all of these things.

Care to share? How do you handle rejection? Failures? Humiliations?



I'll start. My papers say I am a professional artist. My wallet and self-esteem are still waiting for a serious proof of it. Something inside me believes the day I'll get paid decently for my art will be the day I'll get proven, out of doubt, that I can make it.

My "family" always wanted me to become big, and I'm still such a loser. I learnt such a hell of a big lot of things, studied MANY subjects, in school and books; but yet no true profession worth mentioning. Not much money coming in, not much power. When people ask me what I am, I can say "I'm a professional graphic designer", I have the papers to prove it. But when they ask "Where?", I still got nothing to say to them. I don't exist on the map. Billie Lith, creator of Sims 2 custom content? Lith Designs? None of that is worth a freaking dime.

Arts is probably one of the most fertile grounds for rejections, failures and humiliations. Romance is another. I've tried and failed both miserably so many times in the last 5 years. And they've been my main voids, main goals-to-attain, main things-I-need-to-achieve-to-feel-complete for so long. Often floating in uncertainty. Every time in the last 5 years, high hopes ending in deep defeats; they either disappointed me, rejected me or both.

I suppose I did not just fail on either sides in my life, and "should be happy" about it; but I've once read hurtful events get printed 10 times brighter in your memory than good events... in my case the good events are so rare, so few and far between, and the pain already present is like a pool of lava under the surface of my "Let's keep going and let's appear like everything is OK" mask.

For the record, I've been very happy last weekend. And now I feel like walking on a thin line in the middle of a large pool of lava. It's all or nothing. Difficult. Unbearable. I wish I could just be "fine", and "in the middle", and not worry so much, no matter how things end up. But apparently I forgot how.



So I tried to say how I feel with rejection, failures, humiliations. I am not sure if I've been clear or on-topic, it's like a knot of mixed emotions inside me about it, so it makes it difficult to speak up.

Your turn. What is the context in which you feel rejected the most? How do you handle it? Where do you feel you fail the most? Get humiliated the most? And more importantly, how do you survive? How do you cope with it? What makes you keep going?

I invite everyone to speak up. This thread is for all.
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#2
Kind of an interesting thread AQ, been thinking on this one for awhile now.

Let me start by saying there is no way you should be perceived as some type of failure. Your postings and threads have indicated someone who has experienced a lot which indicates you're not afraid of risk.

All of the things that you've studied have helped you to form your view/opinion on different issues, not necessarily just in regards to career but about all things pertaining to everyday life.

You have the graphic arts degree- its an indication that you put an effort into learning something and nobody can dispute that. Yes, it's a shame that it's not filling your bank account right now but having it does give you more possibilities to do so than not having it. You've shown on ALL that you do have talent, I've noticed that people have given you positive feedback on it- that would contribute to my self esteem for sure.

As far as creating things, you gave us a couple of examples then went on to say they're not worth anything- I would have to disagree as you put yourself into the creation of them. In a money sense maybe not worth so much but you put effort and talent into them- that's worth something. I wouldn't know where to start with something like that but I do admire the creative ability behind it. Maybe your next creation (or the 10th, or the 57th) will be the jackpot for you- don't stop now AQ!

Relationships- I think the majority of us are here due to relationship issues whether it's failures in having them or failing to have them. I've had many of those failures but I'm not going to let them define the rest of my romantic/relationship life. I've learned from failed relationships (career and personal) that I have to pick myself up, dust off, and continue.

My last "failed" personal relationship left me numb and hurt for awhile. I'm still dealing with it on a daily basis and in many ways don't want to consider getting that close to someone again but at the same time I have the hope that someone is going to come along and ignite that spark again- I'm not saying its a priority, I'm just saying I'm receptive, that's really all any of us can ask of ourselves.

The job I was laid off from last week- that was by far my biggest rejection on many, many levels. It's funny how the stress of the last 8 months left me so quickly though when I walked off that site- getting a far superior job offer later that day kind of made the self-esteem a bit better.

In closing AQ, chin up, it will get better for you because you don't seem to be willing to settle for anything less than having the effort you put forth returned to you.
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#3
Failure.
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#4
I think the three feed into one another. If you get rejected by a potential employer/partner then you have failed in the sense you were unable to attain the thing you wanted. As a result, you feel humiliated and if the feeling is strong enough you lose the desire to try and get that thing again.

Strangely, I have never failed to get a job I have applied for. Granted I'm just a Blue Collar guy, but my record and attitude show employers I'm worthwhile hiring. On the reverse, I have been rejected by virtually every female I have tried to make a connection with.

There does seem to be something inherently worse about failing due to the opinions of another person. If I were to set myself a target of say, getting a better car* within 6 months, if I fail to achieve it, then it's my own fault and you can rationalize that. You can pinpoint the reasons why you failed, so the humiliation is far less. If I set myself that goal and no matter where I went, car dealers refused to sell me a car for no reason other than I didn't look like the sort of person who should own that car, then it would hurt far more because you know you can afford the car, you know you can drive it, but someone else is making the decision to stop you getting it.


* I don't actually view women as cars or objects to owned, I was simply making an analogy as to why certain rejections are easier to take than others.
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#5
First of all, excellent question.

My guess would be humiliation, especially in front of other people.

Rejection, you can find other people who won't reject you. Failure, there will always be another time. If someone humiliates you (for example, school), then everyone will remember you and you will remain "marked" by those people.
"The hero is commonly the simplest and obscurest..."
- Henry David Thoreau

Like a pundit, I offer my advice uncensored and completely from gut feeling.

[Image: Popcorn_02_Stephen_Colbert.gif]
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#6
Answer: D - All of the above for me.

Quote:Which one is the worst? Rejection, Failure, or Humiliation?
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#7
That's a great question. I have the same problem as you. I like art and I'm an artist, yet many of my family think it's a waste of time. A fruitless pursuit in other words. I have my own degree, but I'm not working right now:/ And I have a darn good reason why I can't. Everyone knows my medical history and they still make fun, question, criticize, humiliate, etc. As if dealing with an illness and an incurable disease is not enough to withstand everyday. Nothing I do is ever enough, and what I do it's nowhere near as good.

I've experience all those, but the one that hurts me the most is Rejection. I've never thought I would go through that but I did. So those people that rejected me aren't meant to be in my life. In fact, I'm better off without them and my life is actually a lot better right nowSmile

Coping with it? It's quite hard to be honest. I can forgive but not forget. So I keep saying this to myself, "what ever goes around comes around." People don't realize this, but the more they criticize me and wish me failure, chances are that I will become more successful and happier than them. Think of it as Karma I guess. What helps me get through all the chaos, my future husband and my love for art and writingSmile

Keep doing what you're doing. Creativity and success takes time. Rome wasn't build in a day:p
"The toughest battles are given to the strongest."-K.C "The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly."-Chuck Palahniuk
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#8
Id say rejection...from the the ones i love.
I have adandonment issuses.
I was abandoned at the age of 5.
Right at the age when my was developed.
Old enough to know...
I get major triggers when my gf or fiancee
rejects me.
It explains why i have a hard time letting go
Of relationships or break ups are really intence
To me. I get triggers..and all that pains from
Childhood comes back up again. Memories like
A flashback runs across my mind and i cant stop
Them.
And the feelings of being worthless no matter
What i say or do I will never be good
enough or like trash. That you wil just throw me
Away.
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#9
For me, humiliation is bad. I'm not scared of rejection and I'm not scared of failure. But being humiliated is bloody terrible to me.
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#10
Failure and humiliations Im not fearful of.
But it still effects me.

As a child I was a good kid.
One of the smartest kids in school.
Id behaved like a good little boy
Hoping my parents would come back
For me.
What trigger my rebelous side
was that my parents came back
For my sisters but left me behind.
So I started getting in trouble
Or failed school..hoping I get
My parents attentions.
Then my step father started abuding me.
Id get punished for getting B or minor
Infractions. Itd didnt matter jf i did good
I get criticized for little mistakes.
Id get in trouble when i did good or
Better than my sisters or friends...
So after a while i was like " Fuck it"
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