IgnoredOne said:
Well, you have to admit that there's something deeply satisfying about destroying someone's happiness, if you feel that person deserves it. Its also a lot easier to accomplish most of the time and much more readily acknowledged by the target. Insofar as satisfaction/reinforcement/repetition, its not that hard to see why its such an easy relationship to maintain.
The opposite, trying to make someone happy, is fraught with difficulty, often not acknowledge by the target, and in my experience, not easy to reinforce.
Maintaining my love for someone tends to be incredibly and amazing painful in my life. Maintaining ill will and anger, on the other hand, is not only very predictable(an enemy will hurt me), but also is often rewarding.
I admit that, for some people, there can be something deeply satisfying in destroying someone's happiness, while merely satisfying for others and other variants.
We are programmed that way; to be highly competitive and motivated to beat opponents. This behaviour originated in the primate world, and was complicated as we developed consciousness and emotions.
Tied into this is status. Deep down we enjoy being elevated in status. Even if our intelligence tries to rationalise it and temper it, again, it's something that we are programmed to feel. And, naturally, feeling satisfaction from the misfortune of others is there also, even if it is sometimes well hidden.
Desire and craving for things that we perceive will bring us happiness and well-being, is also a part of our programming. Whether they bring us happiness or not, the goal is to get things. Others not getting things, for some people, is satisfying, while for others it feels unsettling. It depends on the person, but the possibility for satisfaction and more, is there.
The question is, are we happy being a chimpanzees, or can we strive from more? Many people see that humans can escape their primitive past - scientists, the religious, philosophers. And while a different path is known, it becomes difficult for some people to return to a baser level.
But you are right, "maintaining ill will and anger..", part of our innate programming, is easy to follow and accomplish. Why bother doing anything else when we do what comes naturally so well? Happiness and peace, can be quite a struggle really, especially when dealing with so many selfish agendas. It's a good question, and one i'm not sure i can answer for you. We all have our own paths to follow.
I tend to feel that i do myself more harm than good by maintaining anger and ill-will. Being freed from these feelings is liberating for me, when it happens. It helps to realise that most people are suffering from delusions, stemming from another primate innovation, our egos. Our sense of self is incredibly strong, which leads us into wrong thinking about all sorts of things; anything and everything. Try to dent an identity or ego, and up pops the delusion. Most of the time, when people get angry with someone, it isn't because they really want to hurt that person, it's because they want to defend their ego. The challenge to their ego has made them get that way. But i'm not saying i have found a stable path, far from it, i'm trying, but it's difficult - the ego hangs on for dear life, for one thing! And i'm not quite ready also. But i do see a happier way, a better way than the primate, so that's why i'll go for it.