Emotional Dependency

[Larsen B]

wow those are some good thoughts iib

over the last few years I have finnally devolped a sense of pride and ego that I didn't really have before for some reason, but it has changed the way I deal with conflict, you ever notice how frustrating it is when other person refuses to lose the argument or let ot go.

Like playing chicken 2 cars driving towards eachother at breakneck speed saving both your lives you swerve out of the way, then they dis on you calling you a chicken, ***** I just saved your life I going to f*ing stab you in r eye.

okay thats random but it's how i feel a lot I'm sick of always backing down I just want to kick them in their crotch or uterus.

tehehe

You know, this is something i'm really struggling with at the moment. How to live amongst so many inflated egos, people thinking they are obliged to have everything first and how to abide so much ignorance. It's difficult to remain balanced amongst it all. I can see the right way for myself, it's better really, but then other people grind you down. I guess, for me, there are answers, but it takes practice.

I know what you mean about developing pride and a sense of self, which is making you more confident perhaps. It does, but people who keep feeding it become quite scary imo. Some become increasingly narcissistic and self-centred.

 

[Larsen B]

Indigo Is Blue, though I find agreement with you difficult at times, I must compliment you for your articulate points and sheer eloquence in communicating them. Well said.

Thanks for the compliments. It's a very complex discussion really, i can't do it justice. Disagree at will though, you make very interesting points.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, for me, I'm a remarkably compassionate and well-intentioned figure. Perhaps its because I never received much love in my own childhood, I've always been trying to give that to others. Its a commonly observed statement that "suffering builds empathy", a statement that seems almost countintuitive as it would seem more logical that people who have suffered previously ought to receive, and people who have prospered should give.

I don't draw as much of a distinction between the primate and the human, though I can see where you are coming from. I feel that we're often driven by our instincts anyway, and many of them are very much worth preserving. Take, for example, altruism - which is very much established by an intuitive sense of "we should give, so we can recieve." This I-scratch-your-back-so-you-will-scratch-mine is very simple, but doesn't make it any less useful or beneficial for society.

These instincts, too, tend to coagulate and express themselves as emotions, and how many of us really can ignore or suppress our emotions? And is that even a good thing? There was some research done in accident victims, individuals who had suffered frontal lobe damage so that they were incapable of feeling emotion. Far from being effective decisionmakers, these poor souls could barely even decide what to have for breakfast. They couldn't feel if they preferred bacon or cereal, of all things. It stands to reason, then, that emotions serve a necessary part in daily life.

And therein lies the rub of my issue. I do like listening and being there for others, but then I grow dependent on people(since my instinctively assume that they should also try to listen and be there for me). This is why I often end up falling in love with women that initially look to me for support and approval(I end up seeking their support and approval too!), and proceedingly succeed in hurting myself.

I'm trying to find a way to offer unconditional love /without/ having to ever asking to be loved myself. Being able to be depended upon, without depending on anyone else. Heaven knows how I'll get there. Its quite uncomfortable being in the present location, mentally.

 

[Larsen B]

I feel that we're often driven by our instincts anyway, and many of them are very much worth preserving. Take, for example, altruism - which is very much established by an intuitive sense of "we should give, so we can recieve." This I-scratch-your-back-so-you-will-scratch-mine is very simple, but doesn't make it any less useful or beneficial for society.

We are driven by our instincts, but maybe that is what causes a lot of suffering and we should think more before acting on them. Altruism would be good to preserve, nothing wrong with a bit of unconditional support of some kind. Although, naturally speaking, evolutionists say that altruism isn’t as unconditional as people might think. As you rightly say, there is often an i scratch your back, you scratch mine moment. For example, birds cry out loudly when danger approaches, thereby putting themselves in more danger, it would seem. But they don’t do this altruistically. One theory proposes birds do this in order to get its companions out of sight, so a predator doesn’t see any possible prey in the area. Natural selection has determined that birds have less chance of being eaten if the prey doesn’t see ANY of it’s companions, less than if the bird who spots danger first says nothing and tries to hide. There are other theories too. Anyway, so this means there may not be any true altruism – an interesting one to think about!

I agree with you about emotions. They do seem to be tied in with motivation.

I’m sorry you seem to be falling in love with the wrong women. I know where you’re coming from there – i’ve done that frequently in the past. I think it’s to do with the role models we have for guidance as we’re growing up - our parents. I do think it’s possible to overcome these learnt instincts, but it’s tough cos your head has to overturn your heart. I’m learning not to trust my heart, it lies.

I'm trying to find a way to offer unconditional love /without/ having to ever asking to be loved myself. Being able to be depended upon, without depending on anyone else.

You can do that quite easily actually. But then you run the risk of girls not knowing if you are serious about a relationship or not, if you see what i mean. But, it doesn’t take much for a girl to know you like them does it?

 

[Arianna]

God and science are not equal, because they really have nothing to do with each other. One is about observing and testing, one is about faith. Looking to science for spiritual guidance is silly or looking to science to get how all things began also silly. [/quote]

I believe that God exists..so yes..God and science do relate in my frame of thinking. And let me understand you..you think looking for answers to life by utilizing 'science' is silly? [/quote]

I think a big thing we need to get is we just dont know somethings, and we really need to learn to be okay with that. [/quote]

You can be 'okay' with that..I answered on a totally personal level. And speaking personally once again ..I am not interested in accepting things as they are..I am interested in discovery. Which in my field has afforded me to do just that. [/quote]

Big Bang theory is just a reset of the universe when you think about it.
ps dont mean to offend I just cant resist this topic.
as for whats missing to me its everything I want it all. I would fill myself with every desire had I the capability. Look at dictators.
[/quote]

So let me get this right..you believe that people searching for answers to life are a silly bunch. That science is a waste of time. That we should all accept things just as they are. And want for everything..materialistically (like "dictators")? Gee..what a concept.
Then that means you must be perfectly happy with your life..outside of not having all of 'your' desires met. Hmmm..it almost sounds like our current administration to me..do you work for the U.S. government?