angel_in_view
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- Aug 31, 2011
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Hello. Its been a long time since i've been here, but I knew this would be the place to get good opinions!
I was wondering if anyone else on the board feels as if they have to settle in order to get married or have known someone who has done that? I have a really close friend who feels this way and as I talk w/her about things, I find myself @ a loss as far as any advice to give her. I simply listen and try to understand.
She is in her mid 30's & is currently dating a really nice man. She said he's not "everything" she'd want in a mate, but at this point, she feels like if she doesn't try to stick w/him, it may be another 4-5 yrs b4 she finds someone else decent enough to consider being with. I felt really sorry for her when she said that. She made herself sound like a total loser...which she's not. I told her while I understand that NONE of us are perfect, I don't think she should have to just go "with whatever" in order to say she has a man. There are several things that she's unhappy/disgusted about when it comes to this relationship but its like she tries to convince herself that none of those things r unfavorable enough for her to stop seeing him. For example:
-He works really crazy hours, so she only gets to see him/go out w/him once or twice a month
- He has 2 boys from a previous marriage(8 & 11) and while she likes them, she could care less about being a potential step-mom. She doesn't even want kids of her own.
-He's "shellshocked" when it comes to relationships bc of getting out of a bad marriage. So she feels like a lot of times, he's just as much of a child as his kids are. She feels like she has to tell him stuff that he should already know(importance of holidays, basic dating rules...like actually planning stuff w/o having to always take the lead, etc). That has been really irritating for her, bc she wants to actually feel like he's interested in her w/o having to tell him everything.
As I said, I try to listen and understand, but I don't know what else to tell her. My sister thinks that although this man is nice, he seems to just like the company and isn't really interested in turning this into anything else. I personally don't know WHAT to think as I've never been in a situation like that. I just hate to see my friend hang on to something and wake up one day years from now and realize she's wasted valuable time that could have been spent on someone who wants the same thing as her. I feel like life is too short to waste it on an "in the meantime, guy."
I was wondering if anyone else on the board feels as if they have to settle in order to get married or have known someone who has done that? I have a really close friend who feels this way and as I talk w/her about things, I find myself @ a loss as far as any advice to give her. I simply listen and try to understand.
She is in her mid 30's & is currently dating a really nice man. She said he's not "everything" she'd want in a mate, but at this point, she feels like if she doesn't try to stick w/him, it may be another 4-5 yrs b4 she finds someone else decent enough to consider being with. I felt really sorry for her when she said that. She made herself sound like a total loser...which she's not. I told her while I understand that NONE of us are perfect, I don't think she should have to just go "with whatever" in order to say she has a man. There are several things that she's unhappy/disgusted about when it comes to this relationship but its like she tries to convince herself that none of those things r unfavorable enough for her to stop seeing him. For example:
-He works really crazy hours, so she only gets to see him/go out w/him once or twice a month
- He has 2 boys from a previous marriage(8 & 11) and while she likes them, she could care less about being a potential step-mom. She doesn't even want kids of her own.
-He's "shellshocked" when it comes to relationships bc of getting out of a bad marriage. So she feels like a lot of times, he's just as much of a child as his kids are. She feels like she has to tell him stuff that he should already know(importance of holidays, basic dating rules...like actually planning stuff w/o having to always take the lead, etc). That has been really irritating for her, bc she wants to actually feel like he's interested in her w/o having to tell him everything.
As I said, I try to listen and understand, but I don't know what else to tell her. My sister thinks that although this man is nice, he seems to just like the company and isn't really interested in turning this into anything else. I personally don't know WHAT to think as I've never been in a situation like that. I just hate to see my friend hang on to something and wake up one day years from now and realize she's wasted valuable time that could have been spent on someone who wants the same thing as her. I feel like life is too short to waste it on an "in the meantime, guy."