I stepped one foot outside the Friend Zone. I was Instantly cut-off.

[michael2]

To all the women out there, I can't say I blame you for being annoyed with your guy friend when he admits he has feelings for you. And you have the right to cut him off for having these feelings, as I was.

It's just that I simply told her she was the only person I felt like I had a connection with. That was really it. Now I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks. From the friend zone to out of her life, just like that.

The thing is, I was more then happy in staying in the friend zone. I simply had to let her know about that, just in case she had any kind of feelings for me, which I wasn't sure about. I guess it was too much and frightened her away. Man it sucks so much being such a low value man.

 

[Unsigned]

I lent a hooker "friend" a few hundred dollars to get her through a tough time she had last month.
She said she'd pay me back by spending the night with me the next time she was in NY.
Well...she came back a couple of days ago, but did not call me to pick her up from the airport.
Texted me after she was put on the schedule on the website (which she knows I follow), and apologized saying "she forgot to call me".
I absolutely figured that would happen.
It's OK with me. A good investment.
She will never ask me for a favor again.
The same way my cousin will never ask me for a loan again, as he did not repay the first one.
Sometimes it's not so bad to lend money you know you will never get back...

 

[michael2]

I lent a hooker "friend" a few hundred dollars to get her through a tough time she had last month.
She said she'd pay me back by spending the night with me the next time she was in NY.
Well...she came back a couple of days ago, but did not call me to pick her up from the airport.
Texted me after she was put on the schedule on the website (which she knows I follow), and apologized saying "she forgot to call me".
I absolutely figured that would happen.
It's OK with me. A good investment.
She will never ask me for a favor again.
The same way my cousin will never ask me for a loan again, as he did not repay the first one.
Sometimes it's not so bad to lend money you know you will never get back...

That's a positive way to look at a situation. Now you know how someone really views you, same as me.

 

[user 188644]

I'm going to speak generally. People who don't have much experience with failure, not because they're wildly successful, but because they simple don't take the risks seem to take it harder than others.

 

[michael2]

I'm going to speak generally. People who don't have much experience with failure, not because they're wildly successful, but because they simple don't take the risks seem to take it harder than others.

Your talking about the principal that if you do something, like lets say make unfunny jokes over and over again, and nobody laughs, eventually the sting of nobody laughing would wear down or go completely away.

That's true but,

I'm not extroverted. I don't have the desire or energy to flirt with numerous women and get rejected numerous times to build up my tolerance to it. Also, I don't really pursue someone unless I kind of get to know them first and start to build an attraction - so rejection is harder at that point because your actually invested in them, to a degree. An extrovert who gets rejected by a woman he's known for 15 seconds can walk away from the experience mostly unfazed. But even an extrovert who genuinely knows someone and has even a small attachment to them will get hurt if his advances are turned down.

Also, I dont want to be like all the guys I see who flirt with women like it's a game, or for fun. Most of those guys follow the rule that if they approach dozens of women and flatter them, it's likely at least one will reciprocate the attention. I'm not interested in doing that. I need to know or see something about the person's character that attracts me more then their looks to want to pursue them, and because Im like that Im not going to approach dozens of women and Im not going to build up some big tolerance to rejection.

 

[okidoke]

You generalise too much, assume too much and don't value yourself. This is holding you back with relationships.

You can learn social skills to be more confident, to pick up more body language cues, and think more with your head than your heart.

 

[michael2]

You generalise too much, assume too much and don't value yourself. This is holding you back with relationships.

You can learn social skills to be more confident, to pick up more body language cues, and think more with your head than your heart.

I value myself to a realistic degree, but I'm a realist. I know a wealthy extrovert. He gets 100x more female attention then I do. Because he is extroverted and wealthy. In turn he values himself. It's hard if not impossible to value yourself alot if nobody else does. It's easy for the wealthy extrovert to value himself when so many people throw themselves at him.

I'm INFJ, I don't have social skills, never will. Because group socializing in general is shallow and boring to me, so I have no interest in getting better at it. I am confident, it's just that people don't have confidence in me. I probably think with my head too much.

 

[user 188644]

Your talking about the principal that if you do something, like lets say make unfunny jokes over and over again, and nobody laughs, eventually the sting of nobody laughing would wear down or go completely away.

That's true but,

I'm not extroverted. I don't have the desire or energy to flirt with numerous women and get rejected numerous times to build up my tolerance to it. Also, I don't really pursue someone unless I kind of get to know them first and start to build an attraction - so rejection is harder at that point because your actually invested in them, to a degree. An extrovert who gets rejected by a woman he's known for 15 seconds can walk away from the experience mostly unfazed. But even an extrovert who genuinely knows someone and has even a small attachment to them will get hurt if his advances are turned down.

Also, I dont want to be like all the guys I see who flirt with women like it's a game, or for fun. Most of those guys follow the rule that if they approach dozens of women and flatter them, it's likely at least one will reciprocate the attention. I'm not interested in doing that. I need to know or see something about the person's character that attracts me more then their looks to want to pursue them, and because Im like that Im not going to approach dozens of women and Im not going to build up some big tolerance to rejection.

Just wait for everything to be perfect that always works out. I don’t want to be like THOSE other guys. Overall, I give this rationalizing a 6/10.

 

[okidoke]

I value myself to a realistic degree, but I'm a realist. I know a wealthy extrovert. He gets 100x more female attention then I do. Because he is extroverted and wealthy. In turn he values himself. It's hard if not impossible to value yourself alot if nobody else does. It's easy for the wealthy extrovert to value himself when so many people throw themselves at him.

I'm INFJ, I don't have social skills, never will. Because group socializing in general is shallow and boring to me, so I have no interest in getting better at it. I am confident, it's just that people don't have confidence in me. I probably think with my head too much.

Stop comparing yourself to others for a start. Your value hasn't got anything to do with wealth and being an extrovert. I couldn't care less about those personality types, because you can modify yourself, if you choose to. People don't have confidence in other people because they haven't been given anything to feel confident about. I think I've mentioned it on another thread of yours, but you have to fish in a different pond.

Too many people want to have an excuse for their predicament rather than take responsibility for it and do something about it. You can choose to take umbrage at my remarks if you wish, but if you (like so many people on this site) really want your situation to be different (better), then you have to be prepared to make some changes, big changes in some situations, but changes all the same, otherwise, in a decade you'll still be spruiking the same crestfallen speil.

 

[user 188644]

Stop comparing yourself to others for a start. Your value hasn't got anything to do with wealth and being an extrovert. I couldn't care less about those personality types, because you can modify yourself, if you choose to. People don't have confidence in other people because they haven't been given anything to feel confident about. I think I've mentioned it on another thread of yours, but you have to fish in different pond.

Too many people want to have an excuse for their predicament rather than take responsibility for it and do something about it. You can choose to take umbrage at my remarks if you wish, but if you (like so many people on this site) really want your situation to be different (better), then you have to be prepared to make some changes, big changes in some situations, but changes all the same, otherwise, in a decade you'll still be spruiking the same crestfallen speil

Stop comparing yourself to others for a start. Your value hasn't got anything to do with wealth and being an extrovert. I couldn't care less about those personality types, because you can modify yourself, if you choose to. People don't have confidence in other people because they haven't been given anything to feel confident about. I think I've mentioned it on another thread of yours, but you have to fish in different pond.

Too many people want to have an excuse for their predicament rather than take responsibility for it and do something about it. You can choose to take umbrage at my remarks if you wish, but if you (like so many people on this site) really want your situation to be different (better), then you have to be prepared to make some changes, big changes in some situations, but changes all the same, otherwise, in a decade you'll still be spruiking the same crestfallen speil.

This dude was like “I don’t want to get good at socializing because it’s boring.” You can’t help people who think they’re better than doing the work.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Awh I wish you luck in ya search, I think maybe being fiends with someone you like romantically isnt the best thing anyway so maybe you are better off

 

[WillPower]

I value myself to a realistic degree, but I'm a realist. I know a wealthy extrovert. He gets 100x more female attention then I do. Because he is extroverted and wealthy. In turn he values himself. It's hard if not impossible to value yourself alot if nobody else does. It's easy for the wealthy extrovert to value himself when so many people throw themselves at him.

I'm INFJ, I don't have social skills, never will. Because group socializing in general is shallow and boring to me, so I have no interest in getting better at it. I am confident, it's just that people don't have confidence in me. I probably think with my head too much.

Social skills can be improved. I've done it and I'm an introvert. Many others have as well. There are ways to improve your wealth, social skills, mate value, etc.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I value myself to a realistic degree, but I'm a realist. I know a wealthy extrovert. He gets 100x more female attention then I do. Because he is extroverted and wealthy. In turn he values himself. It's hard if not impossible to value yourself alot if nobody else does. It's easy for the wealthy extrovert to value himself when so many people throw themselves at him.

I'm INFJ, I don't have social skills, never will. Because group socializing in general is shallow and boring to me, so I have no interest in getting better at it. I am confident, it's just that people don't have confidence in me. I probably think with my head too much.

All I see here is excuses and things you tell yourself that likely aren't true.
You "value yourself to a realistic degree." No, you "value" yourself to the extent your mind will let you with the negative crap going on in your head, which isn't actually reality.

I'm obviously only going off what I read here, so I suppose I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

 

[ardour]

Your talking about the principal that if you do something, like lets say make unfunny jokes over and over again, and nobody laughs, eventually the sting of nobody laughing would wear down or go completely away.

That's true but,

I'm not extroverted. I don't have the desire or energy to flirt with numerous women and get rejected numerous times to build up my tolerance to it. Also, I don't really pursue someone unless I kind of get to know them first and start to build an attraction - so rejection is harder at that point because your actually invested in them, to a degree. An extrovert who gets rejected by a woman he's known for 15 seconds can walk away from the experience mostly unfazed. But even an extrovert who genuinely knows someone and has even a small attachment to them will get hurt if his advances are turned down.

Also, I dont want to be like all the guys I see who flirt with women like it's a game, or for fun. Most of those guys follow the rule that if they approach dozens of women and flatter them, it's likely at least one will reciprocate the attention. I'm not interested in doing that. I need to know or see something about the person's character that attracts me more then their looks to want to pursue them, and because Im like that Im not going to approach dozens of women and Im not going to build up some big tolerance to rejection.

If you did approach dozens of strange women based on appearance then they'd be people, even some here maybe, who would call you out for it and claim you're timing it poorly, acting in wrong circumstances, or just flat out call you an idiot.

I definitely get that impression when it comes to romantically unsuccessful men, there's people just gagging to apply some judgement.

You play, you fail, you try again. There's no way round it. Learning to like socializing is the first step.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There's no winning at this. You play, you fail, you get judged, no matter the 'strategy' employed.

I think this forum is proof that you get judged when you don't fail, also. A lot of you judge the hell out of people for having success in getting girls. So really, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[okidoke]

...... (but then I'm not doing this).

lol isn't it funny how we sometimes can't take our own advice

 

[ardour]

oops I changed my post again.