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What to do in this situation ?
#1
I'm sorry for making it long. I hope you would leave your comment Smile.
Okay today at school I had a very serious but short argument with my English teacher. She is 47 years old and from Canada. Okay, I've been very exhausted and stressed out lately due to my coming up exams. Getting into a very good university is imperative in life because it is going to change my life forever. Although I haven't taken my A-level exams yet, I'm applying to University of New South Wales, Australia. In order to apply, I needed some reference letters from 2 teachers. I asked my teacher, Rhonda, if she could write one for me. She said it is completely fine and wanted to know when I exactly needed that. I gave her two weeks to write and hoped she would do her best for me but the day after tomorrow she met me. She said it would be very harsh for her to write because of the way I'm attending her class at school. She told me to not get late, not to slack off, not to be quite at school. That sounded fine so I tried my best to get a good reference letter. I came over to her house for a conversation club and I was being so talk-active and did not get late. Last week she said my reference letter would be ready by next Monday. She hasn't given that to me even until now. Today, in order to catch up and meet her I tried to meet her 3 times but she was always with someone busy talking. Finally I met her in her classroom. I told her why is being reluctant. She told me she did not want to be dishonest with herself. Only what she could write about me is " Bebeskii is my student". That is all seriously. She thought it is wrong to write a reference letter for someone like me. She is always honest with herself and with the others. The truth is the most meaningful thing to her. While she was talking to me in that manner. I got an unexpected surge in anger and told her that writing that is only a matter of one hour and even If I make some serious mistakes or get kicked out of the university, nobody is going to chase after her and force her to take responsibilities. She still insisted that I'm someone who does not deserve to get a good one and had no willingness to do that. Oh crap, I wasted two weeks of time, and energy for nothing. I said to my teacher " Whatever, shit" then slammed the door VERY hard after listening to her carefully for a while. The way she is acted is very disrespectful for me. I do understand honesty is a crucial quality to have but how can she act like that for such a very little thing. I got her point of view but she has to understand her students. It is like she only cares about herself. (Snobbish) Nobody has ever been angry and said the truth to her. I guess I did something to write a history in my school. Probably there are some cultural differences but she broke my trust many months ago. I no longer respect her as a teacher but as a person. There have been some very important reasons why I was being some kind of inactive.
1. Other than english I had many exams to take this year. I needed to focus on them and spend much time.
2. What she teaches had almost nothing to with my IELTS examination.
She has helped me very poorly for my IELTS. ( It is a very important point why has lost her respect in her class )
3. I fail in the exams she gives. Huh she gives some words from the dictionary that I have never seen or even heard of. It is clear that she copied from the dictionary. Because the words would start with same letters for example Pr.... . This is not how she supposed to teach. Students' english levels are totally different. There are some certain words that students should learn at a particular level. Words she gives are proficiency level words.
4. The most importantly she never teaches before gives the students worthless exams and threaten by grades. She never teaches the words she is giving. She never taught Critical reading and literature. That is why her classes are too inefficient. This made me want to get late for her classes because I was already being busy with my other lessons.
Do you think a student who got the IELTS 7.5 is bad at English ? and look down on me but not on others. I'm a very well-mannered student besides I'm having my own battle with loneliness. I think my naive teachers, students , and the headmaster would team up with Rhonda. That is fine I don't feel guilty at all. I haven't done nothing wrong.
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#2
It sounds like you don't like this teacher very much, so I'm curious why you would ask her for a reference. Also, it sounds like she just didn't want to do it. The reasons she gave were not very convincing. However, while she may have been disrespectful to you, slamming out of the room like that was also being disrespectful.

Honestly, I would accept that you may have wasted your time and move on from it. It sounds like you have enough to think about right now without giving that situation any more thought. Ask another teacher. I'm sure you'll find someone who will be willing and able to write you a nice reference letter.
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#3
⬆That.

Ask another teacher for the letter. In future it will be wise not to slam doors or fly off the handle with teachers, either at school or uni. This teacher may not have been following the syllabus but you could have learned from her anyway, you know. Words that you have never seen or heard before might be critical to you at some future date. You might think about apologising for being rude? It would be an adult thing to do.😺
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds
cannot change anything". - George Bernard Shaw
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#4
(04-17-2014, 07:59 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you don't like this teacher very much, so I'm curious why you would ask her for a reference. Also, it sounds like she just didn't want to do it. The reasons she gave were not very convincing. However, while she may have been disrespectful to you, slamming out of the room like that was also being disrespectful.

Honestly, I would accept that you may have wasted your time and move on from it. It sounds like you have enough to think about right now without giving that situation any more thought. Ask another teacher. I'm sure you'll find someone who will be willing and able to write you a nice reference letter.
I'm looking for an another teacher. I thought it would more convenient for her to write since she is a native speaker. Mongolian teachers would write a reference for me and I can translate into English. But they seem to over generalize and say some very obvious things. Thankfully my business studies teacher came here from Minnesota, The USA yesterday. He said he has some free time for a week. I'm pretty sure he would not disappoint me. I wonder what is gonna happen on Monday or tomorrow. It is interesting but little bit frightening.
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#5
I don't think you should apologise to her. She wasted your time about something very important to you, and was actually dishonest about it, saying she would do it and then avoiding it for weeks until she finally decided she didn't want to do it. There's nothing "adult" about her behaviour so why apologise to her just to have some sort of deluded moral high-ground? Apologising to people who are in the wrong is unhealthy for both parties - you because it makes you look/think/feel desperate and them because it fuels their ego and bad behaviour.
I will often apologise to someone if there's been some kind of conflict between us, but not if it was their fault to begin with and they're not apologising to me too. Apologising for conflicts has to be a mutual thing.

Move on from it and ask a different teacher.
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#6
I don't think we're getting the full story....some of it might be language barrier but there's some inconsistency going on here.
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#7
I am not clear what happened here. As I understand it, you did not like your teachers lessons, you were inattentive in her lessons, did not join in and were sometimes late, but you asked her for a reference purely because she is a native English speaker.

She said yes, if you amended your behaviour, but in her view you did not do that sufficiently, so she would not give you the letter. So you got angry, and yelled and slammed the door.

If that is correct then I do not see what you are complaining about your teacher for. You brought this upon yourself.
"Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it." Lao Tzu

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#8
In her defense, I completely understand her hesitation in giving you a recommedation letter - why would she when it seems you've made up your mind that she is an awful teacher and you can't possibly learn anything from her and don't attend her classes? Whether or not you agree with her teaching methods, you are still her student - trust me, there will be lots of people in life you will butt heads with, but flying off the handle and having what amounts to a hissy fit will not get you far, especially in university. Do the adult thing and go apologize to her. And in retrospect, maybe think of ways you could've handled the situation better - when you realized she was hesitant in writing a letter, you simply could've approached a different teacher and avoided all this fuss and upset in the first place.
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#9
(04-17-2014, 08:23 PM)jaguarundi Wrote: ⬆That.

Ask another teacher for the letter. In future it will be wise not to slam doors or fly off the handle with teachers, either at school or uni. This teacher may not have been following the syllabus but you could have learned from her anyway, you know. Words that you have never seen or heard before might be critical to you at some future date. You might think about apologising for being rude? It would be an adult thing to do.😺
Okay thank you. I'll keep that in my mind.

(04-18-2014, 03:01 AM)ringwood Wrote: In her defense, I completely understand her hesitation in giving you a recommedation letter - why would she when it seems you've made up your mind that she is an awful teacher and you can't possibly learn anything from her and don't attend her classes? Whether or not you agree with her teaching methods, you are still her student - trust me, there will be lots of people in life you will butt heads with, but flying off the handle and having what amounts to a hissy fit will not get you far, especially in university. Do the adult thing and go apologize to her. And in retrospect, maybe think of ways you could've handled the situation better - when you realized she was hesitant in writing a letter, you simply could've approached a different teacher and avoided all this fuss and upset in the first place.
You're right. I should not have asked for a reference from that selfish bad teacher. I know I will meet many different kind of people in the future and best solution is to be calm and take actions intelligently. But you don't seem to understand me at all.

(04-17-2014, 08:45 PM)painters radio Wrote: I don't think you should apologise to her. She wasted your time about something very important to you, and was actually dishonest about it, saying she would do it and then avoiding it for weeks until she finally decided she didn't want to do it. There's nothing "adult" about her behaviour so why apologise to her just to have some sort of deluded moral high-ground? Apologising to people who are in the wrong is unhealthy for both parties - you because it makes you look/think/feel desperate and them because it fuels their ego and bad behaviour.
I will often apologise to someone if there's been some kind of conflict between us, but not if it was their fault to begin with and they're not apologising to me too. Apologising for conflicts has to be a mutual thing.

Move on from it and ask a different teacher.
At least someone really understands me thank you.

(04-17-2014, 09:14 PM)WildernessWildChild Wrote: I don't think we're getting the full story....some of it might be language barrier but there's some inconsistency going on here.
I'm sorry. I've been learning English for only 4 years.
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#10
(04-18-2014, 04:06 PM)Bebeskii Wrote:
(04-17-2014, 08:23 PM)jaguarundi Wrote: ⬆That.

Ask another teacher for the letter. In future it will be wise not to slam doors or fly off the handle with teachers, either at school or uni. This teacher may not have been following the syllabus but you could have learned from her anyway, you know. Words that you have never seen or heard before might be critical to you at some future date. You might think about apologising for being rude? It would be an adult thing to do.😺
Okay thank you. I'll keep that in my mind.

I'm pretty sure you are normally a good kid, and if you want your bright future in a better place you must strive to learn from anyone, and anything you can. Smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Image: 11c5jja.jpg]
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds
cannot change anything". - George Bernard Shaw
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