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cumulus.james

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Not once. Not ever did I feel loved. Never. Not even as a small boy.

I am also painfully aware that it is too late now and I will never feel that.

What might it be like to be loved I wonder?

I was going along on the bus through the city and saw two young people, they hastened towards each other and embraced with some sort of joy and longing. So pleased were they to be reunited.

It took every bit of energy, every cell of my body working overtime to not break down and cry there and then.

To know someone cares. To have someone to turn to. To matter.

What is it like to be loved?
 
My guess is that people - ie your family - did love you. Probably they still do. They may not be very good at showing it, that's all.

But I think you mean more erotic love, love for a person who is not family, and to who you feel attracted emotionally and physically? To be honest, I am not even sure what that love is. I too find something rather poignent when I see two lovers, holding hands or whatever. I mean, I am pleased for them, but, well, a bit sad too.
 
Ioann said:
My guess is that people - ie your family - did love you. Probably they still do. They may not be very good at showing it, that's all.

But I think you mean more erotic love, love for a person who is not family, and to who you feel attracted emotionally and physically? To be honest, I am not even sure what that love is. I too find something rather poignent when I see two lovers, holding hands or whatever. I mean, I am pleased for them, but, well, a bit sad too.
Click to expand...

My "family" allowed me to prostitute myself at 14 and teased me for my possible homosexuality. That is not love.

Morissey is a philosopher. He summed it up quite concisely. “Two lovers entwined passed me by – and heaven knows I'm miserable now, I was looking for a job then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now”
 
sadly, family doesnt always show love the right way. mine for example thought that not giving an f, would made me stronger,even when i OD'd and clearly told them i did it on purpose


But it's never too late to find love, in any form, romantic or not. Meet people, make friends, you'll find people to love you in any form. You're never too old or too "broken", you just need to keep looking, you'll find them
 
Erevetot said:
sadly, family doesnt always show love the right way. mine for example thought that not giving an f, would made me stronger,even when i OD'd and clearly told them i did it on purpose


But it's never too late to find love, in any form, romantic or not. Meet people, make friends, you'll find people to love you in any form. You're never too old or too "broken", you just need to keep looking, you'll find them
Click to expand...

Positivity is of no help to me. I am rapidly approaching middle age and I have not one freind, no partner, no self worth, no job and no prospect of one and I am mentally ill. And I am an alcaholic.

So even if I started to take an interst in my appearance and got hold of some dignity:

"Hello, I am a mentally ill alcaholic unmployed loner and former male prostitute. And I have no freinds and I have never really had a relationship before (but I have been with more than 200 men) - would you like to get to know me?"

it just dont work.
 
I think (though am not quite sure) feeling loved is a mutual agreement between two people or ourselves to enjoy the other's company. Now, of course, it's possible to be loved or to have someone care about you and not quite realize it either (a mistake I make regularly)
 
I wouldn't equate romantic with familial love. That couple could have just been in the midst of youthful infatuation, you don't know.

Plenty of people with darker pasts than yours find friends, don't give up.
 
But parent's are not necessarily the guardians of your welfare...some will have no difficulty inflicting utter misery on their children with no care, no concern for their futures...The only solice for me is that mine are thankfully dead and as long as I continue to make no effort to resurrect them they will be unable to influence my thoughts or my emotions
 
sothatwasmylife said:
But parent's are not necessarily the guardians of your welfare...some will have no difficulty inflicting utter misery on their children with no care, no concern for their futures...The only solice for me is that mine are thankfully dead and as long as I continue to make no effort to resurrect them they will be unable to influence my thoughts or my emotions
Click to expand...

It's sad but true. I have some students that I wish I could adopt because they are wonderful human beings, and their parents treat them like crap.


ardour said:
Plenty of people with darker pasts than yours find friends, don't give up.
Click to expand...

+1 on this! Well put!

As far as unconditional love, I don't think people can do it (this is why dogs are awesome), and sometimes people show it in a weird way. For instance, I cant remember the last time someone in my family has said "I love you". But I know they do because they poke fun at me, that's how we do it in my household.
 
I honestly don't know what love is. I mean, I know I am loved by my family (though my Mother, in particular, has an odd way of showing it sometimes). But love from another person, or loving another person?

I did think I was in love once. Maybe I was. I don't know. I just became a bit obsessed with someone, jealous if he spent time with someone else, all that sort of thing that freaked him out. Was that love, or just obsession or a crush? No idea, but it ended in violence, and I took years (literally) to get over it.
 
Nicolelt said:
As far as unconditional love, I don't think people can do it
Click to expand...

I can. I think a lot of what people don't understand is that while you may LOVE someone, you don't necessarily have to LIKE them.
Take a look at me and my ex. I still love him and I always will. Same with my one brother. They are both stupid selfish ******* morons, but I still love them, regardless of what they do.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Nicolelt said:
As far as unconditional love, I don't think people can do it
Click to expand...

I can. I think a lot of what people don't understand is that while you may LOVE someone, you don't necessarily have to LIKE them.
Take a look at me and my ex. I still love him and I always will. Same with my one brother. They are both stupid selfish ******* morons, but I still love them, regardless of what they do.
Click to expand...

That's true, I do agree with what Callie said here.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Nicolelt said:
As far as unconditional love, I don't think people can do it
Click to expand...

I can. I think a lot of what people don't understand is that while you may LOVE someone, you don't necessarily have to LIKE them.
Take a look at me and my ex. I still love him and I always will. Same with my one brother. They are both stupid selfish ******* morons, but I still love them, regardless of what they do.
Click to expand...

that sounds crazy though. Loving and hating somebody at the same time !
 
Triple Bogey said:
TheRealCallie said:
Nicolelt said:
As far as unconditional love, I don't think people can do it
Click to expand...

I can. I think a lot of what people don't understand is that while you may LOVE someone, you don't necessarily have to LIKE them.
Take a look at me and my ex. I still love him and I always will. Same with my one brother. They are both stupid selfish ******* morons, but I still love them, regardless of what they do.
Click to expand...

that sounds crazy though. Loving and hating somebody at the same time !
Click to expand...

Didn't say I hated them. There's a major difference, IMO, between dislike and hate. Personally, I believe love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I don't believe you can truly hate someone unless you love them. Although, I don't know if I would really say I dislike THEM as a person as much as I dislike their actions.
 
Some people will never be visited by love. I find the hoping causes me a great deal of distress. So to accept the situation and to get rid of the hope must be a postitive thing.

Misers, loners, misanthropists and hermits get to live to old age. Ought that to be a life full of sorrow and melancholy in the name of hope? Or ought one accept things and find a way to make do?

Sometimes, being an athiest sucks.
 
cumulus.james said:
Not once. Not ever did I feel loved. Never. Not even as a small boy.

I am also painfully aware that it is too late now and I will never feel that.

What might it be like to be loved I wonder?

I was going along on the bus through the city and saw two young people, they hastened towards each other and embraced with some sort of joy and longing. So pleased were they to be reunited.

It took every bit of energy, every cell of my body working overtime to not break down and cry there and then.

To know someone cares. To have someone to turn to. To matter.

What is it like to be loved?
Click to expand...

I feel like that alot. Theres a book my wife wanted me to read and i still havent read it because im a slack ass but its called 5 languages of love, at least i think thats the name of it, but anyway it deals with how people show love. It could be possible that throughout your life people have tried to show you love and it didnt register as them doing it because they werent speaking your particular love language. For me im more a verbal visual person, but my wifes love language is more physical so it means a lot to her when i hug her or touch her etc. This website has a test on it i think and you can find out what your particular language is. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I remember hearing about this lady that her husband she didnt feel like he loved her. He was always working, even when he was home all hed do is work on the house, or cut the grass or clean the gutters etc. Well theyd get in a lot of fights etc and ended up in therapy. The woman said she wanted romance and candlelight dinners and poetry and for him to rub her feet and show him he loved her. The therapist helped them realize that when he was doing this work around the house that was HIS way of showing her he loved her, because he was trying to take care of his family and that was the only way he could communicate it. His doing all the work was his poetry, and romantic dinners foot rubs etc. Its like a spanish speaking person trying to communicate with somebody who only speaks russian when two people speak different love languages. So look into this. Im not saying its an answer, im just saying it might be a possibility and something you hadnt considered because a lot of people have never heard of this.
 
shadetree said:
cumulus.james said:
Not once. Not ever did I feel loved. Never. Not even as a small boy.

I am also painfully aware that it is too late now and I will never feel that.

What might it be like to be loved I wonder?

I was going along on the bus through the city and saw two young people, they hastened towards each other and embraced with some sort of joy and longing. So pleased were they to be reunited.

It took every bit of energy, every cell of my body working overtime to not break down and cry there and then.

To know someone cares. To have someone to turn to. To matter.

What is it like to be loved?
Click to expand...

I feel like that alot. Theres a book my wife wanted me to read and i still havent read it because im a slack ass but its called 5 languages of love, at least i think thats the name of it, but anyway it deals with how people show love. It could be possible that throughout your life people have tried to show you love and it didnt register as them doing it because they werent speaking your particular love language. For me im more a verbal visual person, but my wifes love language is more physical so it means a lot to her when i hug her or touch her etc. This website has a test on it i think and you can find out what your particular language is. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I remember hearing about this lady that her husband she didnt feel like he loved her. He was always working, even when he was home all hed do is work on the house, or cut the grass or clean the gutters etc. Well theyd get in a lot of fights etc and ended up in therapy. The woman said she wanted romance and candlelight dinners and poetry and for him to rub her feet and show him he loved her. The therapist helped them realize that when he was doing this work around the house that was HIS way of showing her he loved her, because he was trying to take care of his family and that was the only way he could communicate it. His doing all the work was his poetry, and romantic dinners foot rubs etc. Its like a spanish speaking person trying to communicate with somebody who only speaks russian when two people speak different love languages. So look into this. Im not saying its an answer, im just saying it might be a possibility and something you hadnt considered because a lot of people have never heard of this.
Click to expand...

If you have a wife you have a love. If you do not have love then she is nobodys wife.
 
TheRealCallie said:
cumulus.james said:
If you have a wife you have a love. If you do not have love then she is nobodys wife.
Click to expand...

Not everyone gets married for love...... (not saying shadetree doesn't love his wife)
Click to expand...

Someone will marry me if I don't love them? Where can I find this feeble women? I hate doing the washing up.
 
cumulus.james said:
TheRealCallie said:
cumulus.james said:
If you have a wife you have a love. If you do not have love then she is nobodys wife.
Click to expand...

Not everyone gets married for love...... (not saying shadetree doesn't love his wife)
Click to expand...

Someone will marry me if I don't love them? Where can I find this feeble women? I hate doing the washing up.
Click to expand...

Some people marry for money or titles or business. There are also arranged marriages. As for you, yes, someone will marry you without loving you. Check into mail order brides, although I'd be careful doing that since a lot of them are scams. You could also find someone from another country that only wants to use you to get into a different country legally.

Although, considering you are not into women (I believe), by your own admission, what would be the point? Get a housekeeper.
 

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