cumulus.james said:
Not once. Not ever did I feel loved. Never. Not even as a small boy.
I am also painfully aware that it is too late now and I will never feel that.
What might it be like to be loved I wonder?
I was going along on the bus through the city and saw two young people, they hastened towards each other and embraced with some sort of joy and longing. So pleased were they to be reunited.
It took every bit of energy, every cell of my body working overtime to not break down and cry there and then.
To know someone cares. To have someone to turn to. To matter.
What is it like to be loved?
I feel like that alot. Theres a book my wife wanted me to read and i still havent read it because im a slack ass but its called 5 languages of love, at least i think thats the name of it, but anyway it deals with how people show love. It could be possible that throughout your life people have tried to show you love and it didnt register as them doing it because they werent speaking your particular love language. For me im more a verbal visual person, but my wifes love language is more physical so it means a lot to her when i hug her or touch her etc. This website has a test on it i think and you can find out what your particular language is.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I remember hearing about this lady that her husband she didnt feel like he loved her. He was always working, even when he was home all hed do is work on the house, or cut the grass or clean the gutters etc. Well theyd get in a lot of fights etc and ended up in therapy. The woman said she wanted romance and candlelight dinners and poetry and for him to rub her feet and show him he loved her. The therapist helped them realize that when he was doing this work around the house that was HIS way of showing her he loved her, because he was trying to take care of his family and that was the only way he could communicate it. His doing all the work was his poetry, and romantic dinners foot rubs etc. Its like a spanish speaking person trying to communicate with somebody who only speaks russian when two people speak different love languages. So look into this. Im not saying its an answer, im just saying it might be a possibility and something you hadnt considered because a lot of people have never heard of this.