On Love

[shadetree]

Not once. Not ever did I feel loved. Never. Not even as a small boy.

I am also painfully aware that it is too late now and I will never feel that.

What might it be like to be loved I wonder?

I was going along on the bus through the city and saw two young people, they hastened towards each other and embraced with some sort of joy and longing. So pleased were they to be reunited.

It took every bit of energy, every cell of my body working overtime to not break down and cry there and then.

To know someone cares. To have someone to turn to. To matter.

What is it like to be loved?

I feel like that alot. Theres a book my wife wanted me to read and i still havent read it because im a slack ass but its called 5 languages of love, at least i think thats the name of it, but anyway it deals with how people show love. It could be possible that throughout your life people have tried to show you love and it didnt register as them doing it because they werent speaking your particular love language. For me im more a verbal visual person, but my wifes love language is more physical so it means a lot to her when i hug her or touch her etc. This website has a test on it i think and you can find out what your particular language is. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I remember hearing about this lady that her husband she didnt feel like he loved her. He was always working, even when he was home all hed do is work on the house, or cut the grass or clean the gutters etc. Well theyd get in a lot of fights etc and ended up in therapy. The woman said she wanted romance and candlelight dinners and poetry and for him to rub her feet and show him he loved her. The therapist helped them realize that when he was doing this work around the house that was HIS way of showing her he loved her, because he was trying to take care of his family and that was the only way he could communicate it. His doing all the work was his poetry, and romantic dinners foot rubs etc. Its like a spanish speaking person trying to communicate with somebody who only speaks russian when two people speak different love languages. So look into this. Im not saying its an answer, im just saying it might be a possibility and something you hadnt considered because a lot of people have never heard of this.

If you have a wife you have a love. If you do not have love then she is nobodys wife.

Just to be clear i used the example of a relationship because thats the one most people think of as love, but there are many types of love, theres brotherly love which im representing now by taking the time to talk to you. I dont know you from adam but i do care because youre a human being and i actually love people in general and try to help where i can. Theres sexual love, which is most commonly found in relationships, theres friendship which is a form of love, theres also the love of a family which isnt necessarily blood, it can be people you meet throughout your life that stick around and give of themselves to help you in your times of need.

Love also isnt some magical thing, its not always romantic, its not always epic, sometimes when its most real, its quiet and understated and barely heard above a whisper and resides more in a feeling than anything said outloud. Gods love for example works kinda like that. Love can be a quiet decision you make, its not always on the evening news.

Also as somebody whos been around a while too, the best way to receive love is to give it. This is all im going to say on this as i know its a sore spot from you and youre going through a rough time. All of this was said out of the fact that i care and dont like seeing people hurting. I genuinely hope you find your way through it and best of luck to you, with this and life in general.

 

[cumulus.james]

If you have a wife you have a love. If you do not have love then she is nobodys wife.

Not everyone gets married for love...... (not saying shadetree doesn't love his wife)

Someone will marry me if I don't love them? Where can I find this feeble women? I hate doing the washing up.

Some people marry for money or titles or business. There are also arranged marriages. As for you, yes, someone will marry you without loving you. Check into mail order brides, although I'd be careful doing that since a lot of them are scams. You could also find someone from another country that only wants to use you to get into a different country legally.

Although, considering you are not into women (I believe), by your own admission, what would be the point? Get a housekeeper.

I cant afford a wife.

I am gay also so she would get on my nerves.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

She'd probably get on your nerves anyway man

 

[Erevetot]

im not directing this to anyone specific, but marriage doesnt mean love. you cant force yourself or someone to love just cause you're married, trust me, my poor old grandma made sure to let me know for all the 16 years I knew her that she never loved my grandfather but her father forced her to marry him. Im not saying you will force-marry someone, but its an example that marriage/relationship doesnt always involve love.
Sometimes we stay in a relationship not for love bu because we're too scared to leave, because we're so used to it, even if it hurts, that we're scared of how our life will be if we end it. As mentioned, there are other reasons to get married too.

Again, each person loves differently, but EVERYONE can get loved if they want it. no matter how broken you are, no matter how bad you think you are.

 

[cumulus.james]

Imagine snogging someone. Imagine thier arms round you. Imagine being able to detect what the other person is thinking/feeling by looking at thier eyes/face/bodylanguage and knowing them.

Imagine being able to say to someone "I LOVE YOU"

and mean it with ever cell of your body.

And knowing that they know you mean it and they accept and want it.

All this revolting freak will ever be able to do is imagine.

Longing is the cruelest torture the universe has devised for man.

 

[ardour]

Imagine snogging someone. Imagine thier arms round you. Imagine being able to detect what the other person is thinking/feeling by looking at thier eyes/face/bodylanguage and knowing them.

Imagine being able to say to someone "I LOVE YOU"

and mean it with ever cell of your body.

And knowing that they know you mean it and they accept and want it.

All this revolting freak will ever be able to do is imagine.

Longing is the cruelest torture the universe has devised for man.

That’s the perspective of a self-perceived outsider though. You have no idea about the quality of this “love” observed between others.

Sometimes she’s seeking validation, sometimes he’s just using her and along for the ride (similar dynamics applies in a same-sex situation.) They may have settled for each other due to a lack of options. Many relationships upon closer inspection are nothing to be envious of.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am rapidly approaching middle age

Pfft. No you aren't.

You aren't even close.

 

[cumulus.james]

Imagine snogging someone. Imagine thier arms round you. Imagine being able to detect what the other person is thinking/feeling by looking at thier eyes/face/bodylanguage and knowing them.

Imagine being able to say to someone "I LOVE YOU"

and mean it with ever cell of your body.

And knowing that they know you mean it and they accept and want it.

All this revolting freak will ever be able to do is imagine.

Longing is the cruelest torture the universe has devised for man.

That’s the perspective of a self-perceived outsider though. You have no idea about the quality of this “love” observed between others.

Sometimes she’s seeking validation, sometimes he’s just using her and along for the ride (similar dynamics applies in a same-sex situation.) They may have settled for each other due to a lack of options. Many relationships upon closer inspection are nothing to be envious of.

Gay couples I have known hardly have sex together, this one couple were very emotioanlly close and deeply in love, but both went off sleeping with other people. I used to sleep with one of them. I did not love him. He was my friend.

---

I am rapidly approaching middle age

Pfft. No you aren't.

You aren't even close.

I'm 34 and havebeen smoking and drinking sicne I was 14. I rekon I am likely past the mid-point of my time on this Earth.