h3donist
Well-known member
Hi Lonelyers
This has been bothering me for a while and it's starting to wreck my head.
I've been married for 7 years, but last year I discovered that my wife had been arranging to meet a man for some sort of sexual encounter. It never got that far, mainly because I found out and told her I knew. I caught her because she had used Facebook messenger on her phone without realising that all the messages were appearing on her Facebook chat window on her PC. The messages were flirty and sexual, and a definite arrangement for some sort of "tryst" had been made, but the biggest punch in the gut was when the man asked about me, she said that "we were married in name only" when in fact we were weeks away from renewing our Wedding vows.
Apologies were exchanged but me being the one who always backs down, to try and find a solution, forgave her and tried to put it behind me. We cancelled the vow renewal after I said we had to cancel them as there was no way I could look her in the eye at the alter after what she had done. This was last August, and to this day I still feel actual pain whenever I'm reminded of that.
Up until recently, (well discovering this site actually) I fell into a bit of a rut and lost touch with a lot of people. My wife however had made new friends through her work and was often out partying over Christmas which I didn't mind because it gave me time to do what I wanted to do and I have no problem with her socialising, but it really held a mirror up to my own life, to how far I had fallen into the shadows compared to everybody else.
Joining this site has lifted me out though considerably. I have made some great friends here especially one who I love chatting to every evening about everything and anything If you're reading this, you know who you are, and you rule
But I'm just a bit lost now as to what to do about my marriage - do I accept it is over and board the singledom bus, or carry on as I am, hoping the pieces will fall into place eventually?
She's not a bad person, she made a mistake and I don't believe it was malicious, but at the same time I don't know if I can ever recover from it. In fact I think it was joining this site that made me question my relationship, as I had pushed it to the back of my mind but the conversations here have really brought it back into focus.
The prospect of leaving has brought a lot of worries; where will I go, what about the mortgage, our pets and our home, how will she get to work without me taking her? etc etc and that's enough to scare me back into the state of limbo I have been living in ever since I found out. But I do want to sort it out before I go insane. I just want to be happy again. I've never been in a breakup situation before so I have no idea what to do.
No advice needed (but is welcome) just needed to vent.
This has been bothering me for a while and it's starting to wreck my head.
I've been married for 7 years, but last year I discovered that my wife had been arranging to meet a man for some sort of sexual encounter. It never got that far, mainly because I found out and told her I knew. I caught her because she had used Facebook messenger on her phone without realising that all the messages were appearing on her Facebook chat window on her PC. The messages were flirty and sexual, and a definite arrangement for some sort of "tryst" had been made, but the biggest punch in the gut was when the man asked about me, she said that "we were married in name only" when in fact we were weeks away from renewing our Wedding vows.
Apologies were exchanged but me being the one who always backs down, to try and find a solution, forgave her and tried to put it behind me. We cancelled the vow renewal after I said we had to cancel them as there was no way I could look her in the eye at the alter after what she had done. This was last August, and to this day I still feel actual pain whenever I'm reminded of that.
Up until recently, (well discovering this site actually) I fell into a bit of a rut and lost touch with a lot of people. My wife however had made new friends through her work and was often out partying over Christmas which I didn't mind because it gave me time to do what I wanted to do and I have no problem with her socialising, but it really held a mirror up to my own life, to how far I had fallen into the shadows compared to everybody else.
Joining this site has lifted me out though considerably. I have made some great friends here especially one who I love chatting to every evening about everything and anything If you're reading this, you know who you are, and you rule
But I'm just a bit lost now as to what to do about my marriage - do I accept it is over and board the singledom bus, or carry on as I am, hoping the pieces will fall into place eventually?
She's not a bad person, she made a mistake and I don't believe it was malicious, but at the same time I don't know if I can ever recover from it. In fact I think it was joining this site that made me question my relationship, as I had pushed it to the back of my mind but the conversations here have really brought it back into focus.
The prospect of leaving has brought a lot of worries; where will I go, what about the mortgage, our pets and our home, how will she get to work without me taking her? etc etc and that's enough to scare me back into the state of limbo I have been living in ever since I found out. But I do want to sort it out before I go insane. I just want to be happy again. I've never been in a breakup situation before so I have no idea what to do.
No advice needed (but is welcome) just needed to vent.